T1B

Well, the wife is obsessed with Jessica Simpson. You know how they have “Candy Free Checkouts” at the grocery store so people with kids won’t have to sit there and deal with screaming kids that can’t have any candy? Well, I need a “Magazine Free Checkout” for my wife. She’ll grab every piece of shit magazine with Jessica Simpson on the cover. This latest mess with Nick Lachey has really hurt the pocketbook. A $15 trip to the store for a case of beer is now $35 with all the magazines.

Anyway…I digress. Back to skull.

I tell the wife to pick up a movie since we are in Rerun Hell Before The Holidays right now. Of course, she gets Dukes of Hazzard. First off, about the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen. Simpson was outrageously hot, but she had about 10 minutes of airtime, if that, so that sucked too.

Anyhow, there’s a scene where Bo and Luke Duke take turns smacking each other with the SWBYPS ro-sham-bo-style. I just did a little chuckle when I saw that and said “Heh…skull”. The wife was like, “WTF?”

Oh yeah…rules.

Is your wife a closet lesbo? I can't imagine anyone being into Jessica Simpson for any of her "trades" or "talents".

The Jewish Gangsters that produced the film hired him.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Is your wife a closet lesbo? I can't imagine anyone being into Jessica Simpson for any of her "trades" or "talents".

No, but I'd definitely buy tickets to THAT show...

My better half is one of those star-struck people. She actually DOES like her music as well as her Newlyweds show. Her heart was broken when her and Lachey broke up. It all makes me want to puke. If you couldn't tell, we tend to watch TV in different rooms. Me in the basement on the 65" Widescreen High Def and her on the 25" piece of shit in the bedroom.

IndyFrisco wrote:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Is your wife a closet lesbo? I can't imagine anyone being into Jessica Simpson for any of her "trades" or "talents".

No, but I'd definitely buy tickets to THAT show...

My better half is one of those star-struck people. She actually DOES like her music as well as her Newlyweds show. Her heart was broken when her and Lachey broke up. It all makes me want to puke. If you couldn't tell, we tend to watch TV in different rooms. Me in the basement on the 65" Widescreen High Def and her on the 25" piece of shit in the bedroom.

Sounds eerily similar to my marriage Indy.

IndyFrisco wrote:My better half is one of those star-struck people. She actually DOES like her music as well as her Newlyweds show. Her heart was broken when her and Lachey broke up. It all makes me want to puke.

You should have told her about my take on Lachey.

Wouldn't have made it any easier for her to accept, but it probably would have made it easier to understand. :wink:

Don't remember your take on Lachey, but I can tell you this...as much of a douche we all think he is, he was at least nailing that nice piece of ass.

IndyFrisco wrote:Don't remember your take on Lachey, but I can tell you this...as much of a douche we all think he is, he was at least nailing that nice piece of ass.

I said that the fact that he was an ex-girl bander proved that he was in the closet.

I got dragged to Dukes of Hazzard by my girlfriend and her daughter. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't worth an $8 ticket. It was alright through the majority but limped down the stretch.

[blatant arrogance]I'm sure glad my girlfriend isn't into bullshit like this. Then again, I wouldn't be dating someone who would be into this type of shit.[/blatant arrogance]

Yeah, I finally saw that movie the other day too and kinda laughed at that part. Then I got to thinking...

Guys, ya know... We've been "together" on the internet for six or so years, and frankly, as much shit as gets recycled on here, there's a really good chance that the Broken Lizard guy(s) that directed the movie has read at least one of our boards, right?

Kinda makes you think...

Somewhere out there, people are reading my phonebook story for laughts... Passing on Lefty's holiday cautionary tale... Oogling over Frisco's wife... Envying 88's vacation pics... Doing PSU's laundry... Calling Babs a bitch... Making fun of people in wheelchairs... but only if they're pilled up. etc, etc, etc

[Cue "It's a Small World"]

the_ouskull

I was a fan of the TV show back in the day. Then again, I was 15 years old at the time. I outgrew the show before its run ended.

No real interest in seeing the movie. If it pops up on TV at some point while I'm channel surfing, I may stop if I have nothing better to do.

SunCoastSooner wrote:Sounds eerily similar to my marriage Indy.

Yep.

Sincerely,

Half the fuckers in here.

Actually, my gf isn't as bad as she used to be, thankfully. She doesn't get all caught up in the bullshit half as much as she seemed to a few years ago, and here's why ... :twisted:

Indy, try this, seriously ... it worked for me with the Jessica/Nick saga earlier this year.

Start telling your wife you're having strange dreams, with weird scenes and stuff in them ... when she presses you, feed her a bunch of bullshit about seeing natural disasters and people drowning and being sucked up by tornadoes, ect. Then, every once in a while, mix in a celebrity breakup, preferrably one that you know she follows closely. But be all non challant and shit about it, after it's been solidly established that you've been having "premonition" dreams.

And the first time you throw in a celebrity breakup or other "big" celebrity news (like Tom Cruise being put in a mental hospital or Mariah Carey trying to OD on pills ... whatever the relevant "star" of the month or year is), just do it in a kind of passing way, not right after you wake up.

For example, your Jessica/Nick example is perfect. I employed this exact technique with my gf, about 6 months ago, I swear to God. One night, after she got home and we were talking about upcoming games and College Gameday, ect., the topic of my stating how much of a fucking clueless faggot Lachey was, and how I couldn't understand why the fuck he was on ESPN to being with ... well, you get the point.

So naturally, she starts trying to tell me how much "America loves Nick and Jessica, Mike, just deal with it."

So I sheepishly respond, "OK, well, why does America love them?"

Her: "Because they are the perfect couple. They have their own show and they have a Great marriage!"

Me: "They do? I thought they were breaking up or some shit."

Her: (all-knowing and stuff) "NOoooo. They're not breaking up."

Me: "Oh, OK. Maybe I just had a bad dream with Nick and Jessica in it, for some strange reason. Sorry."

About 4 months later ... yep, they were breaking up, a fact that I reminded her, when she brought it up.

I am now a GOD of pop culture and premonition in her eyes. And let me tell you friend, when I say something is bullshit in the pop world, it carries a hella lot of weight in this house.

The number of People magazines since that episode is zero, my friend.

Premonition dreams are you answer, Indy. I know from experience.

RadioFan wrote: The number of People magazines since that episode is zero, my friend.

People magazine?? What's that??

Sin,

Guy with wife who has house full of US Weekly/In Touch

Shine wrote:

RadioFan wrote: The number of People magazines since that episode is zero, my friend.

People magazine?? What's that??

Sin,

Guy with wife who has house full of US Weekly/In Touch

I may have started on a downhill slope, but you guys get the idea. Now get to dreamin'

Terry in Crapchester wrote:I was a fan of the TV show back in the day. Then again, I was 15 years old at the time. I outgrew the show before its run ended.

i still haven't outgrown it. wanking, that is. fooken daisy..

RF, no offense and all, but if your GF is so dense that she suddenly views you as a God because your omniscient subconscious supposedly predicted the marital break up of a young Hollywood couple then your GF probably also could've been duped into deifying a head of lettuce...

Van wrote:RF, no offense and all, but if your GF is so dense that she suddenly views you as a God because your omniscient subconscious supposedly predicted the marital break up of a young Hollywood couple then your GF probably also could've been duped into deifying a head of lettuce...

Bwah. Tongue and cheek, brah.

This thread mentions Dukes of Hazzard and there aren't any pics of cut-offs?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Is your wife a closet lesbo? I can't imagine anyone being into Jessica Simpson for any of her "trades" or "talents".

Nobody in here, NOBODY, would mind coming home and finding their wives in bed with Jessica Simpson and gesturing for you to join them.....

Shine wrote:

RadioFan wrote: The number of People magazines since that episode is zero, my friend.

People magazine?? What's that??

Sin,

Guy with wife who has house full of US Weekly/In Touch

DING DING DING!!!

Actually, here's how bad it is in mine...

The wife CANCELED the subscription to In Touch because Jessica Simpson had a quote saying:

"Nick and I like US Weekly much more than In Touch. In Touch never quotes us correctly and sometimes just outright lies. US Weekly is always nice to us."

My wife used to like to get the National Enquirer, which is a step (or 50,000) below the others.

One time we were grocery shopping and she asked me to go over to the newsrack and tell her what was on the front page of the Enquirer. I went over there, pretended to study it, then deadpanned, in a voice loud enough for others to hear, "Elvis to marry space alien. The Untold Story."

A bunch of other people in the store cracked up. She hasn't asked me to do that since.