I knew this kid in Elementary School

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:08 pm

In 3rd grade (1978), I lived in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There was this kid in my class who was probably 12 years old, still in 3rd grade. He was big as an ox, and probably dumber as well.

He had a couple of tricks. Firstly, he'd bring 16oz. cans of Coors to school, and he'd shotgun them under the lunchtable. He bragged about how fast his dad could pound beer. I tended to believe him that his dad was a beer-drinking superstar.

Then, he'd sneak up behind you and punch you in the spine with all of his might. The pain would floor you for at least 10 minutes. You always had to watch yourself around this kid. It was tough just being a third-grader with this guy around, trying to turn you into a Ironsider with his knuckles every 5 minutes.

They bussed in black kids from Waterloo to go to school with us. I was always one of the few white kids in class. One day one of these kids was coming home to my house after school. The beer-drinking kid started fucking with us on our walk to my house. He was threatening the black kid with all kinds of slurs that his daddy prolly trained him with. We ran from him for about 5 blocks...then he started to tire, and he stopped and crumpled to the ground in exaggerated exhaustion. We grabbed some sticks, went back, and whacked him a few times in the ribs, legs, etc.

The next schoolday, he was just the same as ever. He didn't even seem to remember that we'd beat on him. I guess he might have been drunk and forgotten.

Dude is prolly dead now, or incarcerated. Maybe he's IRIE, or his methdealer...

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:20 pm

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:22 pm

Did the
format
confuse you?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:25 pm

Wolfman wrote:D -

Plagerizing fukker. I'll see you in court.

sin,

TiVO

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:31 pm

One of the black kids took endless crap from his homies. He was a nice kid, but he had a big, round head. He was called "egghead", and he got his ass whooped all the time because of a little eugenic wrinkle.

There was a swedish kid. He never bathed. As a result, he was incredibly greasy, and he was frequently beaten by his classmates. He would whip out a comb and rake at his hair, seemingly obsessed with his appearance. He dressed in flannels and braces, and hopefully the kid survived the rest of elementary school - not that it seemed very likely.

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:33 pm

Awesome stories

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:35 pm

Have you emerged from Elementary School, Sissyroo?

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Fri May 05, 2006 3:41 pm

You're only as good as the company you keep.

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Fri May 05, 2006 4:26 pm

PSUFAN wrote:Have you emerged from Elementary School, Sissyroo?

W/ straight A's

Cornhusker · Post by **Cornhusker** » Fri May 05, 2006 4:40 pm

PSUFAN wrote: There was a swedish kid. He never bathed. As a result, he was incredibly greasy, and he was frequently beaten by his classmates. He would whip out a comb and rake at his hair, seemingly obsessed with his appearance. He dressed in flannels and braces, and hopefully the kid survived the rest of elementary school - not that it seemed very likely.

Cedar Falls, Iowa...
So you know JON?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri May 05, 2006 4:44 pm

Toddowen wrote:I had two of Elvis's cousins for babysitters. Cousins in law, actually. They were related to Priscilla. Or were they actual sisters? Hmmm...

Something or the other.....they were probably sisters and cousins when I think about it.

Perverted girls. Probably still are, too. They liked messing with the package and getting all giddy....fiddling about. That sort of thing.

Makes sense. Many pedophiles were molested as children.

Neely8 · Post by **Neely8** » Fri May 05, 2006 4:47 pm

Toddowen wrote:I had two of Elvis's cousins for babysitters. Cousins in law, actually. They were related to Priscilla. Or were they actual sisters? Hmmm...

Something or the other.....they were probably sisters and cousins when I think about it.

Perverted girls. Probably still are, too. They liked messing with the package and getting all giddy....fiddling about. That sort of thing.

Were there names "Uncle Ernie"?

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri May 05, 2006 5:27 pm

Toddowen wrote:I had two of Elvis's cousins for babysitters. Cousins in law, actually. They were related to Priscilla. Or were they actual sisters? Hmmm...

Something or the other.....they were probably sisters and cousins when I think about it.

Perverted girls. Probably still are, too. They liked messing with the package and getting all giddy....fiddling about. That sort of thing.

Who gave Zyclone Tard's password?

Terry in Crapchester · Fri May 05, 2006 5:59 pm

Cousins in law

Schwing! Can ya hook a brother up?

Sin,

Shoalzie

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 6:02 pm

Cornhusker wrote:
PSUFAN wrote: There was a swedish kid. He never bathed. As a result, he was incredibly greasy, and he was frequently beaten by his classmates. He would whip out a comb and rake at his hair, seemingly obsessed with his appearance. He dressed in flannels and braces, and hopefully the kid survived the rest of elementary school - not that it seemed very likely.
Cedar Falls, Iowa...
So you know JON?

I don't think I encountered any of our Iowa brethren, although Minor Threat is a current resident of Cedar Falls, I think. Most of the kids were Steeler fans, I think that rules out JON.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri May 05, 2006 6:03 pm

PSUFAN wrote:I don't think I encountered any of our Iowa brethren, although Minor Threat is a current resident of Cedar Falls, I think. Most of the kids were Steeler fans, I think that rules out JON.

Whay would he be a Steelers fan when the Steelers can't even beat Iowa?

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 05, 2006 6:07 pm

NOJ was a Bears fan. He dreamed of fellating* Mike Ditka.

*easy, fellah.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Fri May 05, 2006 7:27 pm

^^^ disturbing ^^^

I knew a guy who said he put squeeze butter on his junk and let the dog lick it. This is the same guy who drank 12 oz of piss (not his own) as well as eat a pound of raw coon roadkill to get bonus points in our high school scavenger hunt.

Oh, and he was salutatorian of his class out of 500 students. Guess that's why my high school didn't show up on the Top 1000.