T1B

Elsewhere I heard that Jessica is coming to St. Louis to film some flick.

~giggity~

She had mentioned some coffee place called Kaldi's where filming is to take place. MY OLD COFFEE SHOP!

~giggity giggity~

This place is five blocks from my fucking house!

~ giggity giggity giggity... alright~


So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba? She'll be hanging out in the 'hood, maybe she'll be looking for a gentleman to show her the town and its two places of interest. Maybe she'll be looking to score some blow and I'll be her connection. What does a bigtime starlet need that I can provide?

RULES?

Bizzarofelice wrote: How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba?

Prototype wrote:RULES?

Here's a paitning of Kaldi's coffee shop. Lots of Wash U. tail coming in there.

She is def the hottest thing there is in Hollywood. Slip her some G or something.

Too bad she is a prude.....

There's a big park to the west of there attached to Concordia Seminary, so maybe I can act like a religious student who is wanting to learn more of the Devil's temptations. Even bigger Forest two blocks east so maybe I'll catch her jogging and bouncing and sweating on the track over there.

Bizzarofelice wrote:So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba?

Neely8 wrote:Too bad she is a prude.....

B/c she wont get naked?? Class if you ask me.

Goober wrote:In your dreams

No shit. But just saying "in your dreams" isn't very funny. You need to come up with a madcap scheme involving GHB, ice sculptures and an old grizzled newspaper veteran that just might work.

Jesus Bace,

Send the money to get JTR and use his insider game to get you onto the set as an extra.
Tall guy at the back counter, middle of scene..

Work it hard!

Make Your Time!

Bizzarofelice wrote:So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba?

Sebastien Janikowski, your thoughts?


Seriously, good luck with that Bizz...

Bace,

keep your taint waxed and ready. Email JAlba's handlers with some sun protection advice, and your pic. They'll be sure to respond.

Oh, and:



MtCCh, thoughts?

I'm going to be taking pictures of her just like that except the water will be the brown, dirty Mississippi and there will be white trash casinos and abandoned chemical plants in the background.

She should always be framed thus. No landscape should ever vie for her beauty.

You can't attempt anything 'subtle' or sneaky, because she's seen that bullshit over and over again......in every which way.

You also can't try to 'kiss up' to her in some form or fashion because she's too used to that.

Neither of those tactics will make any impression at all.


My suggestion is that you wait for her limo to arrive, and you plow your rig right into it.

Stir some shit up.
It's your only opening.
Yell at her driver some.
Make an ass of yourself a bit, if need be, but be very cordial and accomodating toward her.

And let us know what happens, of course.


Some pics too, please.

Rack poptart, dude has game & big ideas.

Take his advice and you'll be posting your nuptuals countdown clock in 525,600 minutes.

Bizzarofelice wrote:Elsewhere I heard that Jessica is coming to St. Louis to film some flick.

~giggity~

She had mentioned some coffee place called Kaldi's where filming is to take place. MY OLD COFFEE SHOP!

~giggity giggity~

This place is five blocks from my fucking house!

~ giggity giggity giggity... alright~


So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba? She'll be hanging out in the 'hood, maybe she'll be looking for a gentleman to show her the town and its two places of interest. Maybe she'll be looking to score some blow and I'll be her connection. What does a bigtime starlet need that I can provide?

What do you have to offer her that she's never seen before?


NFL bedsheets? Velcro wallet?

Bizzarofelice wrote:How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba?

First, you get yourself a snazzy suit...one with pinstripes is preferable.

Then, bust out your Russtercard, and take her out for a night on the town.

Then, go out and win about 4 World Series Rings.


You're on your way.

Oh, and I call dibs on the sig-btw.

How it was let go so long, I don't know.

Just rip a fart next to her and say "It was smelling too good with you around here" and then wink. You'll be IN.

Anything less would be uncivilized.

mvscal wrote:Your best bet is to try and sneak up on her and skeet on the back of her head real quick.

If that brings a link from Moorese, I'm hunting you down.

Neely8 wrote:Too bad she is a prude.....

did anyone see her on leno the other night? she's definitely OCD about shit being clean. i can't remember exactly what she flipped about, but it was classic hollywood retarded obsession shit.

Screw_Michigan wrote:

Neely8 wrote:Too bad she is a prude.....

did anyone see her on leno the other night? she's definitely OCD about shit being clean. i can't remember exactly what she flipped about, but it was classic hollywood retarded obsession shit.

So she believes in cleaning the knob in it's entirety. Rack Her.

Neely8 wrote:Too bad she is a prude.....

Wait a goddamned minute...

Every girl acts like a prude. The ones who don't are old news. The ones that do are a fantastic ride as they come to the realization that their box is a gift to be used constantly. You just gotta be the guy around when she comes to this realization.

e wrote:i can tell you what doesn't work.

~john hinckley jr.

^^^Werd.

Sin,
JTR

im in

whos driving?

Bizzarofelice wrote:Elsewhere I heard that Jessica is coming to St. Louis to film some flick.

~giggity~

She had mentioned some coffee place called Kaldi's where filming is to take place. MY OLD COFFEE SHOP!

~giggity giggity~

This place is five blocks from my fucking house!

~ giggity giggity giggity... alright~


So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba? She'll be hanging out in the 'hood, maybe she'll be looking for a gentleman to show her the town and its two places of interest. Maybe she'll be looking to score some blow and I'll be her connection. What does a bigtime starlet need that I can provide?

Fantastic Four 2 (2007) (pre-production) .... Susan Storm/Invisible Woman (Vancouver, BC, Canada)
Sin City 2 (2007) (pre-production) .... Nancy Callahan (Austin, TX)
Awake (2006) (post-production) .... Sam (NYC, NY)

That's what IMDB has listed for her right now. Not seeing the 314.

Rack Fu wrote:

Bizzarofelice wrote:Elsewhere I heard that Jessica is coming to St. Louis to film some flick.

~giggity~

She had mentioned some coffee place called Kaldi's where filming is to take place. MY OLD COFFEE SHOP!

~giggity giggity~

This place is five blocks from my fucking house!

~ giggity giggity giggity... alright~


So what's my move? How does a loser like me bed Jessica Alba? She'll be hanging out in the 'hood, maybe she'll be looking for a gentleman to show her the town and its two places of interest. Maybe she'll be looking to score some blow and I'll be her connection. What does a bigtime starlet need that I can provide?

Fantastic Four 2 (2007) (pre-production) .... Susan Storm/Invisible Woman (Vancouver, BC, Canada)
Sin City 2 (2007) (pre-production) .... Nancy Callahan (Austin, TX)
Awake (2006) (post-production) .... Sam (NYC, NY)

That's what IMDB has listed for her right now. Not seeing the 314.

lindsey lohan(?) backed out, so alba took the lead role. heard it on local crap morning show, trying to get traffic report before catching stern.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790623/
Bill (2007) thats the flick.

Bizzo- I had no idea what a stud you were.

Jessica Alba....holy shit. :wink:

That's one I never got to bang, but I did her brother's chemistry teacher.



-Zyclone