T1B

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:16 pm**

-right here in the office. Somebody yelled, "HALP! HALP!" and I turned the corner and found a woman bouncing around on the floor.

We called the paramedics and they took her away.

First Body World, now this.

Fess, Freakin Out.

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:20 pm**

...let me guess...5'2"..two fiddy..smoker

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:24 pm**

No, kinda tall, skinny. Banged her head against something so her eye was bloody.

Rack AP and his new chosen career, because I couldn't do it.

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:25 pm**

Uncle Fester wrote:No, kinda tall, skinny. Banged her head against something so her eye was bloody.

Rack AP and his new chosen career, because I couldn't do it.

How hard is it to change jobs every 6 months?

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:27 pm**

BSmack wrote:How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:31 pm**

Fess, exactly what did you expect her reaction to be when she turned the corner and found you there at your desk with your pants off, splashing around and pleasuring yourself with the office's gold fish bowl...

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:35 pm**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
BSmack wrote:How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?

Your spell check is broken.

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:38 pm**

http://sports.espn.go.com/minorlbb/news ... id=2500470

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:42 pm**

Did you shove your wallet in her mouth?

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:51 pm**

ND Funk Cake wrote:Did you shove your wallet in her mouth?

Hmmm, that gives me an idea.

Thanks,

Nocal

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:03 pm**

My wallet? It's too stuffed with hundreds to fit in anything smaller than an airplane hanger.

-Zy

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:05 pm**

Fester,

Best thing to do in those situations is to drop to the floor and wiggle around a lot while pretending to gag. You will become the other center of attention, get a free ride to the hospital where they will probe you, and you get the rest of the work day off. I recommend not bruising your eye though, as that may hurt.

The bonus is when you return to work again, people will look at you funny all day long waiting for you to twitch, and you can use it to get them to do work for you that you don't like to do. Just stop and grab hold of a wall every now and then and gasp for air and when someone comes up and asks you if you are all right, wave the useless hunk of paperwork you were going to fax/copy/collate/shred and say "I'm ok, ~gasp~ I was just trying to get this work done"

They will offer to do it for you and you can then return to your desk and post more here. It's a win-win for everyone but the gullible coworker, and who cares about them anyway?

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:22 pm**

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:
ND Funk Cake wrote:Did you shove your wallet in her mouth?
Hmmm, that gives me an idea.

Thanks,

Nocal

Don't you be cracking jokes about momma.

Posted: **Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:37 pm**

You say her face was all bloodied and people believed it was a seizure that did it? Let me tell Lana Kay about this.

--Mr. Pick

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:39 am**

Uncle Fester wrote:No, kinda tall, skinny. Banged her head against something so her eye was bloody.

Rack AP and his new chosen career, because I couldn't do it.

In case it happens again, and I'm sure it will, clear the floor area so she doesn't injure herself, maybe put some padding around so she doesn't further injure herself, let her go through the convulsions w/o restraints as you cannot stop it, and of course call for emergency medical attention.

Hopefully you could lower her to the floor before she falls. You want to get her head turned sideways so she doesn't aspirate. That's why someone needs to stay with her until medical people show up.

For the uber tards, I don't work as a CNA in a nursing home with geriatric residents. That was just clinicals and that is left for the Hindu women. In this program going for LVN, I was required to become a CNA first. After LVN then it's onto RN (BSN) then RN (MSN).

I'll tell you what though, I saw some literally speaking, nasty shit during those 4 months of clinicals. I imagine some of you soon-to-be stroke victims will be shitting and pissing all over yourselves in the future. You'll have some mean Hindu smell bag leave you in your filth during the NOC shift. Karma will bite some of you and you'll wish I was there to change your diapers and clean all that foul stuff off of you. hahahaha

MGO in 20 years: "AP, I've been laying in my shit and piss all night and the Hindu's fucked off and didn't answer the call light. All of this stuff is getting into my open pressure uclers."

Good times to come.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:58 am**

Fucking Rack AP.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:35 pm**

Over my 32 years of teaching high school,
I had a few students who were epileptic. We
would discuss this openly and the other kids were
ready to help at any time those kids had a siezure.
It worked well. A kid would yell out, "Johnny is having
a problem"--we'd make sure he was safe and not
injure himself.
The other problems I'd have were kids passing out
when we used to do blood typing in biology lab or
when I was showing movies of babies being born.
I wouild always keep an eye for a kid going pale.
Once I cuaght one girl just in time before she fell.
We stopped doing self-blood typing years ago when
all the blood diseases became a problem. With the
"birthing movies" I'd tell the kids that if they didn't want
to watch to close their eyes or put their head down.
I always made sure the class understood that no one was to be made fun of if they got ill.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:42 pm**

They used to show birthing moves in school? How fucking old are you man?

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:44 pm**

For the uber tards, I don't work as a...

AP, you have to excuse us for losing track of where you are on this. You're the anti-Robert Frost, letting no road remain less traveled by.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:53 pm**

Atomic Punk wrote: I imagine some of you soon-to-be stroke victims will be shitting and pissing all over yourselves in the future. You'll have some mean Hindu smell bag leave you in your filth during the NOC shift.

excellent.
rack.

Karma will bite some of you and you'll wish I was there to change your diapers and clean all that foul stuff off of you.

kinda kicked your own ass there

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:01 pm**

Bizzarofelice wrote:
Atomic Punk wrote:

Karma will bite some of you and you'll wish I was there to change your diapers and clean all that foul stuff off of you.
kinda kicked your own ass there

Ya think? This alcoholic nitwit is going to change diapers and wipe ass for a year or two, then move on to his next "career", and karma is biting us?

You'll be sucking cock in the alley for $5 before I'm shitting my diaper.

Loser.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:51 pm**

You say her face was all bloodied and people believed it was a seizure that did it?

Most likely the bitch was not doing her job, and the boss came by and bitch slapped here upside her dome and she went fritzzy after that.

Teach that bitch to surf the net at work, when she should be doing filing or some shit like that. You just can't get decent help these days.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:54 pm**

I'll tell you what though, I saw some literally speaking, nasty shit during those 4 months of clinicals.

Take a few duty's in the ER or riding the ambulance. Nothing says gross like the dude who gets launched over the handle bars of his Harley at 90 mph into the grille of a Mack truck doing 60 mph going the other way.

War Human Mush Bags in radiators.

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:06 pm**

Atomic Punk wrote:Karma will bite some of you and you'll wish I was there to change your diapers and clean all that foul stuff off of you.

Do we hafta wait 'til we're in a nursing home?

Posted: **Fri Jun 30, 2006 5:38 pm**

Atomic Punk wrote:
In case it happens again, and I'm sure it will, clear the floor area so she doesn't injure herself, maybe put some padding around so she doesn't further injure herself, let her go through the convulsions w/o restraints as you cannot stop it, and of course call for emergency medical attention.

Hopefully you could lower her to the floor before she falls. You want to get her head turned sideways so she doesn't aspirate. That's why someone needs to stay with her until medical people show up.

For the uber tards, I don't work as a CNA in a nursing home with geriatric residents. That was just clinicals and that is left for the Hindu women. In this program going for LVN, I was required to become a CNA first. After LVN then it's onto RN (BSN) then RN (MSN).

I'll tell you what though, I saw some literally speaking, nasty shit during those 4 months of clinicals. I imagine some of you soon-to-be stroke victims will be shitting and pissing all over yourselves in the future. You'll have some mean Hindu smell bag leave you in your filth during the NOC shift. Karma will bite some of you and you'll wish I was there to change your diapers and clean all that foul stuff off of you. hahahaha

MGO in 20 years: "AP, I've been laying in my shit and piss all night and the Hindu's fucked off and didn't answer the call light. All of this stuff is getting into my open pressure uclers."

Good times to come.

Sorry Mike, your previous vocation with the pron starlets was far more interesting.

Jus' Sayin'

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 1:11 am**

BSmack wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
BSmack wrote:How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?
Your spell check is broken.

Hmmm, let's see...

"How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?"

Nope, everything looks good.

Nice try though.

-----------------------------------------------

Y2K wrote:Fucking Rack AP.

(left to right: Y2K, AP)

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 2:06 am**

Somebody Just Had a Seizure...

anybody put a martini in the person's hand??

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:09 pm**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
BSmack wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Your spell check is broken.
Hmmm, let's see...

"How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?"

Nope, everything looks good.

Nice try though.

Any Legal Guardian of Spelling & Grammar knows to spell units of time, or any other measure, in non-technical text in numbers ranging from one to a hundred.

How hard is it to change diapers every six minutes?

:P

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:12 pm**

I fully understand that rule when it comes to technical or story writing.

I hardly regard this board as an exercise in either of those.

And it's a real reach to say that was an act of "misspelling".

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:18 pm**

Technically, it's a matter of style.

Technically, you're misunderstanding my reply and should reread it.

Technically, you're melting.

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:33 pm**

You win, buddy.

You want to take that thread literally, cool, have at it. But, 100 posts later, when you think this charade is still hilarious, I'll have long forgotten about you and your ankle biting obsessions.

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:37 pm**

Shouldn’t “ankle biting” be hyphenated?

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:38 pm**

socal wrote:you're melting.

Take that shit to trolltrain.

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 3:42 pm**

Goober McTuber wrote:Shouldn’t “ankle biting” be hyphenated?

Tell that to the punctuation nazi.

Whoever that is.

Posted: **Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:12 pm**

Cicero wrote:They used to show birthing moves in school? How fucking old are you man?

I saw one of those in college when I took a Child Development class.

IIRC, Wolfie is either 66 or 67. I'm an old fart (by your standards, anyway -- I'm 41), and I'm quite certain that his earliest students had at least a decade on me.

Posted: **Fri Jul 07, 2006 5:18 am**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
BSmack wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Your spell check is broken.
Hmmm, let's see...

"How hard is it to change diapers every 6 minutes?"

Nope, everything looks good.

Nice try though.

-----------------------------------------------

Y2K wrote:Fucking Rack AP.

(left to right: Y2K, AP)

Actually, AP's & Y's balls bouncing off your chin would have been appropriate.

Posted: **Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:32 pm**

e wrote:
AP-RN wrote:deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me in those white sneakers, you need me in those white sneakers.

FWEEP!

"You want the fruit? You want the fruit? Your colostomy bag can't handle the fruit!"

Posted: **Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:53 pm**

Invictus wrote:
e wrote:
AP-RN wrote:deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me in those white sneakers, you need me in those white sneakers.
FWEEP!

"You want the fruit? You want the fruit? Your colostomy bag can't handle the fruit!"

rack 'em bof

Posted: **Fri Jul 07, 2006 5:25 pm**

Jerkovich wrote:Actually, AP's & Y's balls bouncing off your chin would have been appropriate.

You're not too quick, are you?

And who the fuck are you by the way?

Posted: **Fri Jul 07, 2006 5:28 pm**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Shouldn’t “ankle biting” be hyphenated?
Tell that to the punctuation nazi.

Whoever that is.