T1B

In yet another sign of misplaced priorities, I've given up push mowing my 1.4 acres and purchased:




From my former broker neighbor who now has his yard done by a Shudder Lawn Service.

I used to take great pride in the fact that I would be out there push mowing my entire lot while my other buddies "rode" around doing theirs.

I gotta say, though what used to take 2.5 hours now takes 1 so that in itself is worth the $350 (Yea, I talked 'em down).

Speaking of speed, Nothing runs like a Deere in 5th Gear.

All I need now is a



and some



As well as a PBR situated in the cupholder I'll need to weld on and my metamorphisis to complete suburban neckdom will be complete.

I'm not entirely sure what an acre is, but I gather it has something to do with farming.

City dweller.

Moorese,
Let me put it into some terms you can relate to.

Let's say you go to a Midget convention for some wholesome entertainement (wholesome for you, not so much for them).

Whilst there, you are challenged to fuck an acre of midgets. To figure out how many midgets will fill an acre we need to know the approximate square footage of an acre (208.7 ft X 208.7 ft = 43,555.69sq-ft) and the approximate square footage of a midget (4 ft X 2.5 ft = 10sq-ft).

Dividing 43,555.69 by 10, gives us 4,355.569 midgets/acre and assuming you give them each 2 minutes of bliss, it would take you about 145.19 hours to complete this task.

Nothing about a midget is wholesome.

Nothin about a midget is whole.

You know, I’ve heard from time to time stories about Moorese the Midget-fucker. My understanding is that the vast majority of “little people” are simply dwarves, not midgets. Most dwarves have those stubby little arms and legs, and a head three sizes too big. A midget is a proportionate dwarf. I’m guessing that Moorese is actually a dwarf-fucker.

Coincidentally, I saw a real midget at a water park on Saturday. A little less than 4 feet tall, long blonde hair, beautifully proportioned, with a very pretty face.

Goobs,

Midget isn't a medically "recognized" term, dwarf is the actual term. Using midget is kinda derogatory (but funny).

Average height of a "dwarf" is 4ft, I guessed on the 2.5 ft width.

Sudden Sam wrote:Be nice to have 1.4 acres of female midgets to cut, rather than grass.

Would be nice to have a 1.4 acre meadow of tits to walk across barefooted.

... and rack 'zarro.

Goober McTuber wrote:
Coincidentally, I saw a real midget at a water park on Saturday. A little less than 4 feet tall, long blonde hair, beautifully proportioned, with a very pretty face.

I think Diego already tried that defense.
Didn't work then, either.

KC Scott wrote: As well as a PBR situated in the cupholder I'll need to weld on and my metamorphisis to complete suburban neckdom will be complete.

Don't bother. The vibration quickly makes the beer flat. You are better off leaving a cooler at a strategic location and chugging one every pass or two. If you leave it at the beginning of a long, straight run, you can hold it while you ride and take your time a little.

TWIS,

The term midget may not be medically recognized, but it is definitely well-understood to be a proportionate “little person”. If I’m gonna fuck a dwarf, I’d just as soon it were a midget, for purely aesthetic reasons.



Marty-the-red,

The chick had a back-tat, I’m betting she was legal. And just your size, too.

Goober McTuber wrote:TWIS,

If I’m gonna fuck a dwarf, I’d just as soon it were a midget, for purely aesthetic reasons.

Rack :D

Sig worthy as well.

Dwarves have beards and carry axes. Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't bang a dwarf, but the whole axe-wielding shit would make me extra-super-duper-cautious.

Sorry twis but you're wrong.

43,555.69sq-ft is not an acre.


43,560 sq ft is an acre.


Please recalculate.

does it have a gun rack?

JCT wrote:Sorry twis but you're wrong.

43,555.69sq-ft is not an acre.


43,560 sq ft is an acre.


Please recalculate.

I talked to the guys at the Jew House, those idiots stole the wrong exam.

diT wrote:does it have a gun rack?

David - You just gave me a great idea for a new product.

I'm gonna build a brush hog you can pull behind a Quad runner.

Fuck buying a Tractor when you have 1200cc and can mow your Acre in 8 minutes

KC Scott wrote:

diT wrote:does it have a gun rack?

David - You just gave me a great idea for a new product.

I'm gonna build a brush hog you can pull behind a Quad runner.

Fuck buying a Tractor when you have 1200cc and can mow your Acre in 8 minutes

That works out to a cool 9.074 midgets per second.

Moorese wrote:Dwarves have beards and carry axes. Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't bang a dwarf, but the whole axe-wielding shit would make me extra-super-duper-cautious.

JCT wrote:43,560 sq ft is an acre.

If it helps to visualize, a football field contains slightly more than one acre.

Smooth investment...

when I can no longer mow my yard--
I'll hire a lawn care company--they are a dime
a dozen down here and I don't need to take
up space in my garage with a rider mower !
have fun and at least get yourself a JD cap !!