T1B

I live across the street from the county courthouse. The courthouse has its own parking lot plus an "overflow lot" it rents from the nearby Catholic church. The vast majority of folks who have business at the courthouse have no problem parking in those designated areas.

However, there is a certain self-anointed special class of folks who, for some reason, believe themselves too special or too noble to park with the riff-raff, and instead insist on parking on the shoulders of the road in front of the courthouse. Some spots are legal, and some spots -like the one in front of the hydrant in front of my house- are not.

Guess where some sleazy-ass shyster decided to park his black Audi today, as I was painting my porch.

Just as "3-piece" hopped out of his car, I yelled out to him that he shouldn't park where he did and that if he just backed his car up about 12-15 feet, he'd be legal.

"Legal?" he asked.

I pointed out the hydrant.

His reply: "It's OK - I'm a lawyer, on county business."

My response: "I don't give a rat's ass if you're the governor - it's against the law to park in front of a frigging fire hydrant. If you left someone in the car to move it in case of emergency...that would be legal. Leaving it there, parked - not legal."

Asshole-in-a-suit proceeded to give me some bullshit argument about how the law doesn't apply if the hydrant is 'set back from the curb' and not 'clearly signed as a no-parking zone.' All sounded very legal and stuff, but I knew it was complete bullshit.

Sleazeball and his briefcase zipped across the street to court. I called the village cops, who came by and ticketed the car (it's only a $10 fine). The car was still there two hours later, and as I looked out my window, I heard a truck and a lot of chain-jangling noises.

They fucking towed the dude's Audi away.

I plan to sit on my porch with a beer and wait to see the asshole's face when he realizes that his car is no longer where he left it. I'm guessing his 'It's OK - I'm a lawyer" bit won't work well when he deals with the village judge who deals with this crap.

Squealer.

It could have been worse for the shyster.



Hope he enjoys his trip to the impound.

Goober McTuber wrote:Squealer.

-sin,

Goober McTuber wrote:Squealer.

Park in front of my fucking hydrant, get smacked.

Yeah.

Dammit.

What I can't believe is that the guy could have just gotten back in his car and pulled forward or backward 15 feet and avoided the whole thing. But no, instead he gets into a pointless fucking argument with me, throws pseudo-legal utter lies out there to try to con me, and now, at the very least, he has to go find his frigging car and probably pay a piddlyass -but inconvenient and avoidable- fine.

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Goober McTuber wrote:Squealer.

Park in front of my fucking hydrant, get smacked.

Yeah.

Dammit..

Squealer worked better. There's just no way to work in a Ned Beatty reset with "Humorless Twat"

I remember WAY back when I was a newbie. An old codger living in my district was pissed off with his black neighbor. The black neighbor apparantly was running an after hours club at his house. Illegal as all hell. Dude had bartenders, juke boxes, private little safe's for anybody to lock up their bling etc.

I drove by late one night and I saw about 20 people out milling around on the street. A few of them waved me over, so I stopped to see what was going on.

Seems every car in front of the codger's house had flat tires. I saw nails sticking out of those wide white walls on the Cadillac's, and duece and a quarter's. One car, had a cheap steak knife sticking out of the white wall.

Nobody saw shit, and pretty soon several tow trucks showed up to haul away the remains. I did all I could to stifle my giggles.

The next weekend, not one car parked within fifty feet of his house. I drove by again and saw the codger sitting on his porch. I waved at him and he smiled and waved back.

Seemed like a nice old coot to me.

Rip City

Actually, most of the time I don't care about the parking in front of my house. When the softball league has a game, the "angry softball guys" fill both sides of the street with their SUV's, pickup trucks, and minivans. When the armory has its antique show/flea market, the street is filled bumper-to-bumper with Cadillacs, Lincoln Continentals, and other "Geriatro-mobiles." These poor folks have no other place to park, so I (and the village cops) cut them slack. The hydrant spot is usually one of the last to be taken - obviously in desperation.

When a frigging sleazy-ass, "I think I'm above the common podunk laws," shyster, OTOH slides his Audi right smack in front of a fire hydrant while literally hundreds of feet before and after the illegal spot are open...dude deserves the grief.

If I was a true prick, I'd have called the cops WITHOUT bothering to warn the guy about his inadvisable parking spot beforehand.

Memo to self: Never park in front of Luther's house.

Especially if he has nails or knives.

This thread is funny. Mike, you are a hoot.

Carry on.

Moving Sale wrote:This thread is funny. Mike, you are a hoot.

Carry on.

Move your car.

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Moving Sale wrote:This thread is funny. Mike, you are a hoot.

Carry on.

Move your car.

Your writing to a lawyer. It should be :

" Move your car, mother fucker"

Around here if the tow truck hooks your car on one of those deals, it's going to be at least $ 250.00 - $ 300.00 to get the bitch out of impound.

Props to you Mike...that arrogant bastard got exactly what he deserved.

Well played sir.

There had BETTER be a pic of this slug's face when he exits the building. Your story is pretty damned anticlimactic if you don't.

Cuda wrote:

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Goober McTuber wrote:Squealer.

Park in front of my fucking hydrant, get smacked.

Yeah.

Dammit..

Squealer worked better. There's just no way to work in a Ned Beatty reset with "Humorless Twat"

And God only knows, without your precious resets your posting activity would become negligible.

Derron wrote:

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Moving Sale wrote:This thread is funny. Mike, you are a hoot.

Carry on.

Move your car.

Your writing to a lawyer. It should be :

" Move your car, mother fucker"

Around here if the tow truck hooks your car on one of those deals, it's going to be at least $ 250.00 - $ 300.00 to get the bitch out of impound.

My cousin owns a towing business. They contract with the city and can pretty much charge whatever they want.

He has what he calls an "asshole tax". If somebody argues with them, threatens them, or tries to get lawyer with them, they just slap on an extra $50 for each offense. That shuts people up very quickly.

Goober McTuber wrote:

Cuda wrote:

Mike the Lab Rat wrote: Park in front of my fucking hydrant, get smacked.

Yeah.

Dammit..

Squealer worked better. There's just no way to work in a Ned Beatty reset with "Humorless Twat"

And God only knows, without your precious resets your posting activity would become negligible.

Fuck off, you tedious he-bitch.

photos !!
we want photos !!

btw--where the heck do you live that
all these people want to park in front
of your house ??
might be time to get a place with some
"space" ??

Wolfman wrote:btw--where the heck do you live that
all these people want to park in front
of your house ??
might be time to get a place with some
"space" ??

Basically, I live right on Main St. I've got the courthouse in front of me and a softball/soccer field behind me (and that is connected to the armory). Although there are parking issues, they usually aren't that big of a deal. The softball players are only about three times a week from 6 to 9 pm (and only for about six weeks), the oldsters and their antiques only bug us 2 or 3 times a year, and most of the time I'm at work when the court "clients" clog up the roadsides.

We chose to live smack dab in the middle of a college town. And so far, it's not the college kids that have caused most of the problems.

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:I live across the street from the county courthouse. The courthouse has its own parking lot plus an "overflow lot" it rents from the nearby Catholic church. The vast majority of folks who have business at the courthouse have no problem parking in those designated areas.

However, there is a certain self-anointed special class of folks who, for some reason, believe themselves too special or too noble to park with the riff-raff, and instead insist on parking on the shoulders of the road in front of the courthouse. Some spots are legal, and some spots -like the one in front of the hydrant in front of my house- are not.

Guess where some sleazy-ass shyster decided to park his black Audi today, as I was painting my porch.

Just as "3-piece" hopped out of his car, I yelled out to him that he shouldn't park where he did and that if he just backed his car up about 12-15 feet, he'd be legal.

"Legal?" he asked.

I pointed out the hydrant.

His reply: "It's OK - I'm a lawyer, on county business."

My response: "I don't give a rat's ass if you're the governor - it's against the law to park in front of a frigging fire hydrant. If you left someone in the car to move it in case of emergency...that would be legal. Leaving it there, parked - not legal."

Asshole-in-a-suit proceeded to give me some bullshit argument about how the law doesn't apply if the hydrant is 'set back from the curb' and not 'clearly signed as a no-parking zone.' All sounded very legal and stuff, but I knew it was complete bullshit.

Sleazeball and his briefcase zipped across the street to court. I called the village cops, who came by and ticketed the car (it's only a $10 fine). The car was still there two hours later, and as I looked out my window, I heard a truck and a lot of chain-jangling noises.

They fucking towed the dude's Audi away.

I plan to sit on my porch with a beer and wait to see the asshole's face when he realizes that his car is no longer where he left it. I'm guessing his 'It's OK - I'm a lawyer" bit won't work well when he deals with the village judge who deals with this crap.

Wasn't me. I have an iron-clad alibi.

I was in another Court for jury selection today. By the time I got out of there, it would've taken more time to get there than existed between the time I got out and MtLR's post. Besides, I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Besides, I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

The car alone would have probably have made me take pity on you and given you a pass.

:wink:

I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

Sounds like a little too much pro bono work here....

A good sleaze bag barrister would at least be up to upper end Accura.

$10 fine?

Those weren't real cops. Nor traffic enforcement officers.

You should have just threatened to take away the stool he uses to get into his vehicle.

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Besides, I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

The car alone would have probably have made me take pity on you and given you a pass.

:wink:

yeah, silver taurus just screams underpaid public defender. gotta cut a dude like that some slack.

mike, if you really wanted to get bode on this pos, you could have went out there and revved him up really good when he came back. If you were lucky, he might take a pop at you. Having the OL catch it on video tape might end up in a nice payday.

Diego in Seattle wrote:$10 fine?

Those weren't real cops. Nor traffic enforcement officers.

Believe it or not, not only is the universal parking fine $10, but up until recently, the ticket was actually a little yellow envelope into which you'd place your fine and drop into a special police "mailbox."

Living in small rural towns rule, even if they make us ethnic folks carry special ID cards. :wink:

smackaholic wrote:mike, if you really wanted to get bode on this pos, you could have went out there and revved him up really good when he came back. If you were lucky, he might take a pop at you. Having the OL catch it on video tape might end up in a nice payday.

Mmm...no thanks. Back in my younger days I toyed with a similar idea when a rival fraternity (Delta Kappa Tau) used to go apeshit when my fraternity would wear our colors (garnet and white). Geneseo greeks had a bizarre rule that no organization was ever allowed to wear the same colors "owned" by a previously recognized group, even if the newer group was a national organization. DK's were maroon and white. They'd try to jump us any time we'd wear our national colors.

By the time I was a senior, I'd had enough of that shit and decided that it's be worth getting my jaw wired after a pummeling if I could sue one of the thugs afterwards. Fortunately, the mere mention of legal action kept them from violence. And I've heard that having your jaw wired really sucks.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:I live across the street from the county courthouse. The courthouse has its own parking lot plus an "overflow lot" it rents from the nearby Catholic church. The vast majority of folks who have business at the courthouse have no problem parking in those designated areas.

However, there is a certain self-anointed special class of folks who, for some reason, believe themselves too special or too noble to park with the riff-raff, and instead insist on parking on the shoulders of the road in front of the courthouse. Some spots are legal, and some spots -like the one in front of the hydrant in front of my house- are not.

Guess where some sleazy-ass shyster decided to park his black Audi today, as I was painting my porch.

Just as "3-piece" hopped out of his car, I yelled out to him that he shouldn't park where he did and that if he just backed his car up about 12-15 feet, he'd be legal.

"Legal?" he asked.

I pointed out the hydrant.

His reply: "It's OK - I'm a lawyer, on county business."

My response: "I don't give a rat's ass if you're the governor - it's against the law to park in front of a frigging fire hydrant. If you left someone in the car to move it in case of emergency...that would be legal. Leaving it there, parked - not legal."

Asshole-in-a-suit proceeded to give me some bullshit argument about how the law doesn't apply if the hydrant is 'set back from the curb' and not 'clearly signed as a no-parking zone.' All sounded very legal and stuff, but I knew it was complete bullshit.

Sleazeball and his briefcase zipped across the street to court. I called the village cops, who came by and ticketed the car (it's only a $10 fine). The car was still there two hours later, and as I looked out my window, I heard a truck and a lot of chain-jangling noises.

They fucking towed the dude's Audi away.

I plan to sit on my porch with a beer and wait to see the asshole's face when he realizes that his car is no longer where he left it. I'm guessing his 'It's OK - I'm a lawyer" bit won't work well when he deals with the village judge who deals with this crap.

Wasn't me. I have an iron-clad alibi.

I was in another Court for jury selection today. By the time I got out of there, it would've taken more time to get there than existed between the time I got out and MtLR's post. Besides, I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

You have problems divulging personal info for a worthless survey and yet don't mind telling where you've been all day and what you drive?

Jess, think about this shit first before you dump your hands on your keyboard...

TiC could tell us what he drives, where he went, how his wife shaves her pubes, and what color his garbage can is, and we're still not going to be able to send him any spam.

Get it?

Of course...TiC still could've used fake info...

BTW - Good job, Mike. A true squealer would've went straight inside and made the call. You called the douche out on it, he decided to go to the "do you know who I am?" card and you made him pay for being an ass. Seems fair to me.

I guess the way we'll know if I'm A Lawyer is mob-connected or not is if lab-rat's house doesn't get firebombed overnight.

rack you mike!

Do you live above Chico's Bail Bonds and across the street from a pawn shop?. County courthouses are generally in pretty shitty parts of town.

^^^^^

never been in an upstate NY county seat ??
(sin--former Cortland NY resident)

I've lived in the following places, each with County courthouses in less than desirable locales:

Syracuse, NY
Albany, NY
Raleigh, NC
Houston, TX

Just sayin'.

I correct myself--
small town county seats --
OK ??

Wolfman wrote:I correct myself--
small town county seats --
OK ??

Fair enough.

Fu, I'll try to help you out here, bud.

Mike wrote that he lives in a "small rural college town." The places you listed are fairly good sized cities, which leaves plenty of room for the "pretty shitty parts of town."

Now, unless Mike's small town is one giant shit hole, I'm guessing there isn't much room left over for the "pretty shitty part of town," which you speak of.

Point being, you're doing that whole apples-to-oranges thing.

Houston, Texas and an upstate NY small college town probably aren't going to yield too many similarities, there smart guy.

edit: goddamnit wolfman. I can make this guy look like a fool much more decoratively than you. Leave this shit to the pros.

Rack Fu wrote:Do you live above Chico's Bail Bonds and across the street from a pawn shop?. County courthouses are generally in pretty shitty parts of town.

Like BigO/Wolfman pointed out, this is a small town, so the courthouse is actually in a pretty nice part of the village. So nice, in fact, that there are bed-and-breakfasts in walking distance, as well as a highly-regarded college.

BTW, never got to see a-hole freaking out about his car. My son had his friend over for a playdate, so I had to make sure that the frigging 7-year-olds didn't get into utility knives, explosives, etc. Tried like hell to watch out front but never saw a thing.

Wife thought the story was amusing but basically was of the opinion that hanging on the porch waiting to see the dude's face (esp. with a camera) would have made me a strange, vindictive man.

Chicks. Go figure.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Mike wrote that he lives in a "small rural college town." The places you listed are fairly good sized cities, which leaves plenty of room for the "pretty shitty parts of town."

Ding!!!

You nailed it. I know exactly where Mike lives. And it isn't exactly a bad part of town. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to name a "bad" part of Geneseo. Maybe Lower Court Street?

smackaholic wrote:

Mike the Lab Rat wrote:

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Besides, I drive a silver Ford Taurus, not a black Audi.

The car alone would have probably have made me take pity on you and given you a pass.

:wink:

yeah, silver taurus just screams underpaid public defender. gotta cut a dude like that some slack.

Laugh if you must, but it has a smooth ride, and 30 mpg doesn't exactly suck with all of the driving I do.

Of course, the kid seat in the back takes away any chance it has of being a chick magnet.