T1B

DMike316 wrote:Hoping some of you could drop some pretty funny descriptions of your average Thanksgiving or some stories of past Thanksgiving family disasters.

My holiday will be fairly dull this year as I'm not heading home, thus no "My brother beat the shit out of my Uncle for puking on the t.v. during the Cowboy's game" stories.

I'll slap together the traditional meal at my place with all the fixins and spend the day with the homeless.
Mind you, I will NOT be sharing any of my tasty meal with any homeless Wild Irish Rose drinking lush, just spending a few hours with them... mostly talking about the epic Turkey dinner that's waiting for me at my cozy, heated home.
I've found in the past that they (the homeless) really aren't worried about getting a hot meal as they are about getting some good ole' fashioned companionship and that's where I come in.

I'll park up above this one bridge abutment that a few homeless have declared as their own. Kind of like underachieving "Lewis and Clark" type folks.
Anyway, I'll roll my coller down the hill and set up my fold-out chair with the footrest and cup holders that I use for tailgating. They're usually impressed with how such a fabulous piece of furniture folds up and fits into an easy to carry pouch with a shoulder sling.
I plop down and say "Howdy folks, Happy Holiday to ya" as I take my gloves off in order to get my tossle cap and starter jacket situated.
"Good day to dress in layers, huh?" I say.

Then I flip my cooler, move my sandwhich for later aside, and grab a frosty bottle of Bud.
For the next few hours I slam beers, shattering each one upside the nearby bridge pier. It gets funnier each damn beer it seems.
I tell them about the football games that will be on later that day, and even though they aren't interested, offer them some of my world-famous parlay selections for free.
Last year one fellow named Gilbert stuck his head out from underneath a tattered sleeping bag and asked "Do the Lions still play every year on Thanksgiving?"
I assured him that they did and he then asked
"Do they still suck every year?".
I went BWAAHAAAHAAA! and said "Yes they do Gillam, yes they do".
As I leave I munch down my sandwhich and empty out anything left in the cooler, pack up my chair and say "See you fukkers next year then." as I dissappear back up over the hill.

It feels good to roll home with a good buzz and a hearty appetite knowing that you just gave back to the community and in my opinion, that's what the Holidays are all about.

Mississippi Neck wrote:Actually I did read it. Not that funny. Though Fat Bob was chuckle inducing...

OK, it appears you clowns are just as slow as ever.

When I said "Happy Thanksgiving," I didn't really mean "Happy Thanksgiving." I was merely using it as a tie-in to reset a truly epic DMike316 post. Look at it like our miniature yearly rendition of Alice's Restaurant (do they do that where you guys live?).

In fact, I not only hope you mondo-maxi-zoom-dweebies don't have a happy Thanksgiving, I hope your grandmothers vomit on your favorite shoes.

Sheesh...bastards are too lazy to click a freaking link.