T1B

BERARDINO: Bowl trip to Boise more like a punishment
Published November 24, 2006

MIAMI · Talk about your unwanted parting gifts. This has to rank right up there with holiday fruitcake and the proverbial year's supply of Turtle Wax.

How does New Year's in Boise sound to you?

That appears to be the Hurricanes' punishment, er, reward for upsetting No. 18 Boston College on Thanksgiving night at a half-empty Orange Bowl. The final score on Senior Night was 17-14, not that it really mattered.

It almost certainly didn't matter for Larry Coker, who, fairly or not, probably sees his six-year reign as Miami's coach end in the coming days.

This may have been the 22nd anniversary of the Hail Flutie play, but there was no Hail Larry play in the UM playbook Thursday night. Not that one play could have saved his job anyway.

That would have required a shocking blowout of, say, 50 or more points, with players carrying him off the field at halftime and after the final gun ... and even then it was probably way too late.

As it was, Coker posed for a photo with his seniors and calmly walked off to the well wishes and hugs of numerous players and support staff. He seemed to be saying goodbye.

"As soon as we leave here, I'm going out that back door," he joked when asked about his year-end review with school officials. "They won't be able to find me."

Come to think of it, that sort of makes Coker the lucky one. Not only does he get a buyout in the $3 million range -- a pretty nice sendoff for the classy 58-year-old -- he gets to avoid a bowl week in Boise (aka the City of Trees).

In a college football landscape littered with a ridiculous 32 bowl games, Miami's 6-6 record likely puts it in the MPC Computers Bowl on Dec. 31. That means a trip to Bronco Stadium, home of Boise State's famous "Smurf turf," which is so blue it actually makes fake grass cool.

It also means excruciating bowl-sponsored field trips to such places as the Old Idaho Penitentiary, the Idaho Farm and Ranch Museum and (no lie) the Bogus Basin Ski Resort.

Only a combination of shocking weekend upsets by Florida State (over Florida) and Virginia (over Virginia Tech) could get the 'Canes off the hook. Atlantic Coast Conference rules (and basic greed) essentially prohibit UM from rejecting a bowl invitation, which is too bad.

If you care about the "U," you can't possibly want this nightmare season to continue, can you?

That only means another five and a half weeks to rehash the brawl with FIU, to mourn the death of Bryan Pata, to sift through the ashes of Coker's rapid flameout.

Look for defensive coordinator Randy Shannon to lead the 'Canes through bowl preparations, but even that won't feel right. The early line has Shannon getting little more than a courtesy interview.

So as the wooing of Greg Schiano, Barry Alvarez and maybe even a surprise candidate or two drags through the coming weeks, Shannon will play the loyal soldier.

He'll be the one trying to keep UM from its first seven-loss season in 29 years while entertaining recruits and tap dancing around their main question: "Hey, coach, who's in charge here?"

And yet he has to know he'll only get the job if several others either A) reject UM's overtures or B) start channeling Borat Sagdiyev during the formal interview.

At least Shannon -- (Wah-wah-WEE-wah!) -- will have a front-row seat for those daily tours of Greater Boise.

Did you know, for instance, that the "Old Pen," as it's called, dates to 1870 and is described on its official Web site as a "castle-like fortress" that provides "a view of prison life in the West"?

No? I'll bet you also didn't know the Idaho Capitol is a small-scale replica of our nation's Capitol in Washington, D.C. Or that the World Center for Birds of Prey boasts roughly 200 falcons and condors "used for reproduction."

And how about that Zoo Boise, huh? It's currently rocking exhibits that include penguins, ocelots, zebras and a red panda.

So in the same week, UM should get to play on a blue field and see a red bear. Oh, and the 'Canes should see plenty of white stuff as well while in the Bogus Basin.

It's called snow.

Cross Traffic wrote:About 18 months ago.

Mikey wrote:Boise would be OK without the fuckin' BLUE GRASS.
That belongs in Kentucky.

Watching a game there even on TV makes me wanna puke.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:

Mikey wrote:Boise would be OK without the fuckin' BLUE GRASS.
That belongs in Kentucky.

It ain't grass in Boise, Mikey. Just sayin'.

M Club wrote:boise's more of a town than a city.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:WAR SMURF TURF.

SunCoastSooner wrote:Being sent to Idaho in December/January is a punishment... sorry CT

Felix wrote:

SunCoastSooner wrote:Being sent to Idaho in December/January is a punishment... sorry CT

or course it is........

hows the snow skiing down in Florida these days.......

and if sitting in 60-70 degree weather with about 99.9% humidity during Christmas/New Years doesn't put you in the holiday spirit nothing will.......

Believe the Heupel wrote:All I'm saying is that if my TV attempts to render an image of fast-moving orange jerseys on a blue field without warning it may explode.

e wrote:

Felix wrote:

SunCoastSooner wrote:Being sent to Idaho in December/January is a punishment... sorry CT

or course it is........

hows the snow skiing down in Florida these days.......

and if sitting in 60-70 degree weather with about 99.9% humidity during Christmas/New Years doesn't put you in the holiday spirit nothing will.......

that sounds great. i'll take florida.

think about it like this. if you're going to be away from your home for a few days in december, would you rather have access to the beach and some tanned, bikini-clad hardbodies or idaho and some pasty white, flannel-clad future potato farmers?

again, until it's 80 degrees at the beach in idaho, i'll take florida.

Moorese wrote:Ah, the grandeur of the "Inland Northwest."

Moorese wrote:Ah, the grandeur of the "Inland Northwest."

Dinsdale wrote:

Moorese wrote:Ah, the grandeur of the "Inland Northwest."

Idaho is in the Midwest.

Felix wrote:

Moorese wrote:Ah, the grandeur of the "Inland Northwest."

[img]
yessireebob....

being able to walk through the city at 10:00 at night WITHOUT A WEAPON really blows......

Well, there is that.

Although maybe the best fight story I ever heard was Crazy Joe's "beating up the cable guy" story from his short stint as a metal singer in the cultural mecca known as Boise. Actually, Crazy Joe has spent most of his life in Portland, and much of it(including now) in Seattle, and he seems to think people are much more willing to brawl in Boise. And he's quite the brawler.

But both Portland and Seattle have skiing a few miles up the road, but don't have to put up with bullshit snow on the ground, and certainly don't deal with 20 degrees below zero. Nor do they deal with that 100 degrees and zero percent humidity(nasty) the other 8 months out of the year.


But what gets me most, is of the neighboring states, one doesn't get it's just-due for its horrendous drivers. I mean sure, to the both the north and south, Oregonians are cursed with having the two ABSOLUTE WORST drivers in the country as neighbors(statistically, Oregon has the best drivers in the country, thank you very much). But damn, every fucking car with one of those gayassed red white and blue license plates has the unique ability to convince everyone around them that the driver has never once driven on a road with more than one lane each direction. When the freeway gets jam-packed, yet there's no visible wreck or stall, there is a 100% probablity that at the head of the problem, there's some idiot with an Idaho plate completely freaking out because there's other cars on the raod. Frankly, you people aren't particularly well-liked around here when you get behind the wheel. W@hen you're not driving, we're cool -- we just see you for the affable losers you are.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:

Dinsdale wrote: Idaho is in the Midwest.

I have to disagree with this.

Dinsdale wrote:"Idaho is in the Midwest" smack is old news...and very recently run in this very forum, by someone other than me. I just added "don't forget Bend Oregon and Kennewick Washington -- they're in the Midwest, too."

Dinsdale wrote: W@hen you're not driving, we're cool -- we just see you for the affable losers you are.

Felix wrote:wait a minute.....the people of Oregon passed a law that essentially guarantees that anybody can develop anything they want anywhere they want

Felix wrote:being able to walk...

through the city

at 10:00 at night

but on a side note....we've got a whole community of midg.....er....little people around here.....

you'd love it here Moorese....

Moorese wrote:(Take another look at that photo of "downtown Boise.")

Moorese wrote:......you can be damn sure that those few daring souls not fast asleep are carrying at least one gun and just a few steps away from several more on their truck-mounted gun racks.

Cross Traffic wrote:Downtown has quite a few restaurants and bars that are very busy on these cold winter nights.