T1B

An SAT for citizenship
Natural-born citizens should take the new naturalization test for immigrants -- and be deported if they fail.
Rosa Brooks

December 8, 2006

GOOD NEWS, fellow citizens: The federal government has created a new standardized test!

Designed by the Department of Homeland Security's office of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, it will be used to determine which immigrants qualify for naturalized U.S. citizenship. It will rigorously assess immigrants' knowledge of "the fundamental concepts of American democracy," asking tough questions such as "Why do we have three branches of government?" "What is the rule of law?" and "What are inalienable rights?"

Requiring those who want the privileges of U.S. citizenship to have some minimal knowledge of American civics is a great idea. Why should this country mint new so-called citizens who don't know the first thing about American history or law?

But there's no reason to restrict this test to immigrants. We should make native-born Americans take the test too — and deport them to their last known countries of ancestry if they flunk.

Fair's fair. Research suggests that most native-born Americans would probably fail the new exam — even though most of us are second-, third- or 10th-generation immigrants and have had generations to get this civics thing down. Why should we ask first-generation immigrants to know more about the United States than the rest of us?

Last spring, one survey found that although 52% of Americans could name two or more of the characters from "The Simpsons," only 28% could identify two of the freedoms protected under the 1st Amendment. Another recent poll found that 77% of Americans could name at least two of the Seven Dwarfs from "Snow White," but only 24% could name two or more Supreme Court justices.

In September, the Annenberg Public Policy Center released a poll showing that only two-thirds of Americans could identify all three branches of government; only 55% of Americans were aware that the Supreme Court can declare an act of Congress unconstitutional; and 35% thought that it was the intention of the founding fathers to give the president "the final say" over Congress and the judiciary.

Should these people really be voting? Deport them, I say!

In addition to ensuring a wiser, more responsible polity, deporting all Americans who flunk the new citizenship exam would have numerous other practical benefits. Think how much less crowded our cities would be if we deported everyone who flunked the civics exam. Think how much oceanfront real estate would become available at bargain-basement prices.

If you're concerned that the mass deportations would only get rid of the poor and uneducated, thus having little effect on the supply of luxury real estate for those who remain, think again. Shameful ignorance is equally rampant among socioeconomic elites. In fact, one study found that college students at elite universities tended to do even more poorly on civics questions than students at lower-ranked schools. (Students at UC Berkeley, Brown, Cornell, Duke and Yale were among the most woefully ignorant.)

And if we deported so-called citizens who don't know anything about the U.S. Constitution, it's not just beachfront real estate that would open up. We could clear out the White House too.



THEY SAY YOU get the government you deserve — and as a nation of civics ignoramuses, perhaps we do deserve the Bush administration, which has made spitting on the Constitution a point of pride.

At various points over the last six years, this administration has claimed the right to detain U.S. citizens and hold them indefinitely without charge, trial or access to counsel; the right to ignore laws passed by Congress; and the right to evade judicial review of executive branch actions. Members of the administration, from the president on down, have made it clear that as far as they're concerned, there's only one branch of government and there's no such thing as inalienable rights.

But as the honest civil servants at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services could surely explain, recent administration policies and statements reflect an understanding of American civics that's simply incorrect.

Sorry, fellas! Deportation time.

Donald H. Rumsfeld, the outgoing secretary of Defense, would be sent back to Germany, where his ancestors came from. He might end up indicted by a German court for authorizing the torture of U.S. detainees, but that's the breaks. For President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, deportation wouldn't be nearly so bad. Bush would be sent back to Fantasyland, where he spends most of his time anyway, and Cheney would feel right at home back in his native Transylvania.

Of course, this nation is the land of second chances. Visit any Citizenship and Immigration Services office — look how many people long to reinvent themselves as U.S. citizens!

So maybe it's not too late for those of us who already enjoy citizenship to rediscover our civic heritage, participate actively in our government and hold our leaders accountable for their recent misdeeds.

Don't know where to start? Your local Citizenship and Immigration Services office would be happy to provide you with a good set of civics flash cards.

Mikey wrote:Some of the numbers cited are pretty scary when you consider that a lot of these people vote, but not all that surprising.

Ignorant morons shouldn't necessarily be deported, but maybe we all should have to pass some kind of civics test in order to vote.

BSmack wrote:

Mikey wrote:Some of the numbers cited are pretty scary when you consider that a lot of these people vote, but not all that surprising.

Ignorant morons shouldn't necessarily be deported, but maybe we all should have to pass some kind of civics test in order to vote.

Besides, how embarrassing would it be if the President failed the test?

Mister Bushice wrote:

BSmack wrote:

Mikey wrote:Some of the numbers cited are pretty scary when you consider that a lot of these people vote, but not all that surprising.

Ignorant morons shouldn't necessarily be deported, but maybe we all should have to pass some kind of civics test in order to vote.

Besides, how embarrassing would it be if the President failed the test?

Oh I'm sure he'd try and amend the constitution to fix that.

Cicero wrote:Let's just make more excuses for illegals and bash our own citizens. It's the Democrat way.

BSmack wrote:

Cicero wrote:Let's just make more excuses for illegals and bash our own citizens. It's the Democrat way.

Illegals don't vote.

sin

MA

Cicero wrote:

BSmack wrote:

Cicero wrote:Let's just make more excuses for illegals and bash our own citizens. It's the Democrat way.

Illegals don't vote.

sin

MA

^^

No shit, dumbass.

Actually I do Mikey. Sorry I dont agree I with you on this. It's you short sited assholes that won't open your eyes. The article is basically saying "why make illegals take tests if some morons in the US can't even pass them." They are taking the side of the illegals in this country and making excuses for them.

BSmack wrote:
You fucking moron. Those people aren't illegals. They are people who have gone through the legal process of obtaining visas and green cards and who are now LEGALLY APPLYING FOR CITIZENSHIP.

• We polled some of the California registered posters (Mikey, Bushice, RaiderJames, Atomic Punk, Socalvansmack, m2, ChargerMike, b.t. aka theArtist, OCMike) and found that they all were heterosexual, which surprised Otis. "I read some of their background reports, and several of them were quite narcissistic. For instance, one poster likes to put a mirror on top of the terlit when he masturbates. Two posters list their own names as being friends of theirs.
• Posters from the east coast (Penn, Virginia, Maryland, Wash. D.C., New York) on average have a shorter penis (5.667 inches) than the rest of the forum.
• A small band of posters hail from the U & L are virtually free of cartilage in their shoulders due to patting themselves on the back all the time.
• The proudest group of people are from Missouri, the show me state. Otis and I spent a lot of time with this group and came to agree that they are the most loyal of all sports fans. Several of our posters from there don't even own a suit. Two people admitted to having buried soiled shorts in their own backyard. And of those two, one said he has also buried an illegal alien, four dogs, and a mailer from the Trane Corporation in his yard.
• People from Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, and Nebraska are more protective of their barn animals than they are of their own wives. Of a half dozen or so posters from these states, all but one have "thought about" bestiality. They all relish their past accomplishments by keeping some form of trophy. For instance, one poster still keeps a condom in his glovebox in his pickup. One poster keeps his mail under his wiper blade on his windshield. One poster has a blow up doll and has her dressed in some Iowa cheerleader type of garb. One poster survived a marital separation from his wife after he demanded his first born son be named after a beer company that had the letters "mms" in their company name.

BSmack wrote:

Mister Bushice wrote:Besides, how embarrassing would it be if the President failed the test?

Oh I'm sure he'd try and amend the constitution to fix that.

Mikey wrote:And if we deported so-called citizens who don't know anything about the U.S. Constitution, it's not just beachfront real estate that would open up. We could clear out the White House too.

BSmack wrote:

Cicero wrote:

BSmack wrote: Illegals don't vote.

sin

MA

^^

No shit, dumbass.

Actually I do Mikey. Sorry I dont agree I with you on this. It's you short sited assholes that won't open your eyes. The article is basically saying "why make illegals take tests if some morons in the US can't even pass them." They are taking the side of the illegals in this country and making excuses for them.

You fucking moron. Those people aren't illegals. They are people who have gone through the legal process of obtaining visas and green cards and who are now LEGALLY APPLYING FOR CITIZENSHIP.

Christ man, just kill yourself now.

Cicero wrote:I know you'd rather stick up for non-citizens.

Mikey wrote:Some of the numbers cited are pretty scary when you consider that a lot of these people vote, but not all that surprising.

The article's author wrote:Why should we ask first-generation immigrants to know more about the United States than the rest of us?

Cuda wrote:

Mikey wrote:Some of the numbers cited are pretty scary when you consider that a lot of these people vote, but not all that surprising.

Aren't you one of the ones who think everybody & anybody should get to vote?

Dinsdale wrote:Sorry, meant to remove your name, since you obviously just quoted it.

My point was, that these fucking tools thought it would be clever to regurgitate the same jokes the author made in the article, but Dumb and Dumber were too fucking stupid to get it, so they dumbed them down and posted them as their own.

Dinsdale wrote:

Cicero wrote:I know you'd rather stick up for non-citizens.

OK Sissy...I want you to go back and read that article v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y. Run your finger underneath each line if it helps.

Now, go back and quote the part of that article where the author shows any support whatsoever for illegal aliens(or even mentions them, for that matter). I think you'll find that the author supports tougher standards for naturalization.


Sissy, the reason everyone picks on you for being a fucking idiot is because you're a fucking idiot.

Cicero wrote:Sorry, you guys are wrong. Call me dumb all you want, but I can read between the lines unlike some of you. She's saying "Why make non-citizens take certain test that some US citizens couldnt even pass?"

Luther wrote:Today is Friday and it is supposed to be the funny day. I take it you guys didn't get the memo?

Rip City

Cicero wrote:Call me dumb all you want, but I can read between the lines unlike some of you.

Luther wrote:Today is Friday and it is supposed to be the funny day.

Mikey wrote:Ignorant morons shouldn't necessarily be deported, but maybe we all should have to pass some kind of civics test in order to vote.

Yet, when told of the exact text of the First Amendment, more than one in three high school students said it goes “too far” in the rights it guarantees. Only half of the students said newspapers should be allowed to publish freely without government approval of stories.

When asked whether people should be allowed to express unpopular views, 97 percent of teachers and 99 percent of school principals said yes. Only 83 percent of students did.

Three in four students said flag burning is illegal. It’s not. About half the students said the government can restrict any indecent material on the Internet. It can’t.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6888837/

Dinsdale wrote:the Adminstrative Branch

Smackie Chan wrote:
I musta missed Civics class the day they discussed this.

KatMode wrote: Three in four students said flag burning is illegal. It’s not.

Mikey wrote:The woman's a Liberal, right? So this has to be a pro illegal-immigrant, anti-American citizen rant. No matter what she actually wrote.

Cicero wrote:Call me dumb all you want, but I can read between the lines unlike some of you. She's saying "Why make non-citizens take certain test that some US citizens couldnt even pass?"

Cicero wrote: I'm better. No, I'm better.

I'm smart. No, I'm smarter.

Cicero wrote:If it was up to me, we would stop giving citizenship. We are big enough already and have allowed too many POS in.