I went to the grocery store and learned something today
Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:42 am
It’s always interesting to visit the suburban grocery depot in the middle of the day. You get to see all kinds of people that you wouldn’t otherwise. The speakers in my head are playing “Yup that guy’s unemployed- and smoking is expensive, dipshit. Housewife. Sagbottom. Old people. For God’s sake wear a bra and a sweater, Yentl. Helping mom buy this week’s rations- and talking to her like a four-year-old. Housewife. Baby factory. He’s on lunch. Single mom- foodstamps. That’s a big athletic black dude with a big athletic white dude. Maybe they’re shopping for Mike Piazza.” I’ll probably burn in hell for what I think about others in the grocery store but that’s okay cuz pork spare ribs were only $3.49/lb so it’s worth it.
I’m in the bulk food section dropping some cashews into a baggie when I see a flat out cutie pushing a cart with a 3 to 4 year old kid in the basket. My little soldier lifted his head off my leg and nodded a few times. I suddenly found something very interesting to stare at behind her. MMMM good.
She was wearing a nice polyester or rayon blouse that wrapped her B cups like cellophane over orange halves. Her blue jeans were well fitted for her body shape. They came up over her hips to accentuate the gracious curves childbirth gave her. The jeans folded politely beneath her bubblish butt as she walked. She wasn’t smoking hot in that “I wanna pull up her miniskirt and fuck her from behind in a phone booth,” kind of way. She was the kind of girl you want to get to know first. What kind of subjects she liked high school or how she almost made cheerleader. What her first car looked like and why she never went to college. Then I’ll push her white cotton panties aside and take her missionary style while her parents watch a movie in the next room. She’s the kind of girl that makes you want to blow a load into her soul.
She was obviously in love with the guy she was with which is a tragedy cuz he was a sorry sack. He was losing hair fast and had resorted to cutting it short while growing a thin shaggy red goatee. His body was thin in a genetic way. If he sat around and ate doughnuts all day or ate celery and worked as a lumberjack it wouldn’t change his body shape at all. Among normal/average people, he couldn’t pull strange in a tug of war. Except… he’s married to a real cutie and gets to wrap his pasty fingers around those well nursed nipples on a regular basis.
Which got me to thinking: Really and truthfully that’s what it’s all about. That’s life right there. You gotta marry a cute hottie before you get ugly and treat her right. Do that and you’ve won half of life’s battles. That’s what I learned in the grocery store today.
I know some(many?) of you on these boards are committed to the single life and tagging sluts like they’re railcars but mark my words, gentlemen. One day you are going to wake up ugly. Four divorces later you’ll beg for an ugly woman that’ll be nice to you.
The other thing I realized at the grocery barn was that really ugly people are more susceptible to having retarded kids. I saw three retarded toddler aged kids this afternoon and all of them had bona fide fugly mothers pushing them around. I’ve observed this before but never put it all together so clearly.
If you’re ugly you’re more likely to be introverted and you’ll take whatever you can get in the opposite sex. This leads to more marriage between relatives and by extension -births of retards.
On the surface raising kids with hearing aids, thick glasses, and their hands wrapped in towels may look like a punishment for being ugly, introverted, and horny. But God who can see the end from the beginning is one compassionate SOB.
Among parents who have raised a retard they’re almost all pro-life in terms of birthing “challenged” children. If you talk to any of these parents they’ll tell you the retard is their greatest joy in life.
Therefore I believe that retards are God’s way of bringing joy to the lives of ugly people.
That’s what I learned in the grocery store today.
I’m in the bulk food section dropping some cashews into a baggie when I see a flat out cutie pushing a cart with a 3 to 4 year old kid in the basket. My little soldier lifted his head off my leg and nodded a few times. I suddenly found something very interesting to stare at behind her. MMMM good.
She was wearing a nice polyester or rayon blouse that wrapped her B cups like cellophane over orange halves. Her blue jeans were well fitted for her body shape. They came up over her hips to accentuate the gracious curves childbirth gave her. The jeans folded politely beneath her bubblish butt as she walked. She wasn’t smoking hot in that “I wanna pull up her miniskirt and fuck her from behind in a phone booth,” kind of way. She was the kind of girl you want to get to know first. What kind of subjects she liked high school or how she almost made cheerleader. What her first car looked like and why she never went to college. Then I’ll push her white cotton panties aside and take her missionary style while her parents watch a movie in the next room. She’s the kind of girl that makes you want to blow a load into her soul.
She was obviously in love with the guy she was with which is a tragedy cuz he was a sorry sack. He was losing hair fast and had resorted to cutting it short while growing a thin shaggy red goatee. His body was thin in a genetic way. If he sat around and ate doughnuts all day or ate celery and worked as a lumberjack it wouldn’t change his body shape at all. Among normal/average people, he couldn’t pull strange in a tug of war. Except… he’s married to a real cutie and gets to wrap his pasty fingers around those well nursed nipples on a regular basis.
Which got me to thinking: Really and truthfully that’s what it’s all about. That’s life right there. You gotta marry a cute hottie before you get ugly and treat her right. Do that and you’ve won half of life’s battles. That’s what I learned in the grocery store today.
I know some(many?) of you on these boards are committed to the single life and tagging sluts like they’re railcars but mark my words, gentlemen. One day you are going to wake up ugly. Four divorces later you’ll beg for an ugly woman that’ll be nice to you.
The other thing I realized at the grocery barn was that really ugly people are more susceptible to having retarded kids. I saw three retarded toddler aged kids this afternoon and all of them had bona fide fugly mothers pushing them around. I’ve observed this before but never put it all together so clearly.
If you’re ugly you’re more likely to be introverted and you’ll take whatever you can get in the opposite sex. This leads to more marriage between relatives and by extension -births of retards.
On the surface raising kids with hearing aids, thick glasses, and their hands wrapped in towels may look like a punishment for being ugly, introverted, and horny. But God who can see the end from the beginning is one compassionate SOB.
Among parents who have raised a retard they’re almost all pro-life in terms of birthing “challenged” children. If you talk to any of these parents they’ll tell you the retard is their greatest joy in life.
Therefore I believe that retards are God’s way of bringing joy to the lives of ugly people.
That’s what I learned in the grocery store today.