T1B

They wobble to and fro from January through March. They wander aimlessly throughout the place with a dumbfounded look on their cellulite infested faces. They herd their fat asses like cattle from one machine to the next, stopping just long enough to do a few set of whatever, with the worst form of all-time. Seriously… why bother? Are you attempting to work your triceps… because your shoulders are doing all of the work.

You know you’re going to give up. I know you’re going to give up. Just get the fuck out of here and stop wasting everyone’s time. Wouldn’t you rather be sitting on your couch, stuffing your gaping pie-hole with tasty treats? Can’t you smell the chocolate? The doughnuts? The popcorn and candy? Get the fuck out of my face. I hope you die of a fucking heart attack. Anything to free up some space in a place I call home… year round.

That’s right, douchebags. It’s that time of year again. Those first couple of months of the year when all the pretenders plop down a few ducats and start trying to shed those pounds. Give… me… a… fucking… break. If you were serious about it, you wouldn’t have waited to make a New Year’s resolution to do something about it. Every January, all the pathetic fatties who want to do something about the disgusting bodies decide to get a gym membership. And by the end of winter… when spring is in the air, they all just give up. That $34.99/month starts going right into the owner’s pocket. What a complete waste of time and money.

Finally, no more waiting for a machine. No more Bon-Bon chugging cunts asking me for fitness advice. I am just a member here. I don’t want to help you. This is my time, not yours. Go… away. Spring is in the air. Fat fuckers are dropping like flies. I feel less claustrophobic. Rack spring time in New England.

Mother. Fucking. RACK




Best. Take. Ever.

What's fuuny, is that people who lead inactive and nutritionally inadequate lives somehow think going to the gym is going to make them suddenly thin.

Let's see -- you couldn't reduce your fat intake enough to not get obese.

You lead such a sedentary lifestyle that it doesn't do anything to keep you fit.

Looking like a human being obviously isn't much of a priority to you, except for a reality-check every few months/years.




Uhm, yeah...a gym membership should fix your problem, fatso. Nothing like driving a car to the gym to get you in shape.


I realize there's many different regimens one can do, but generally, a gym is a great place to bulk up and tone up. IMO, the sidewalk out front of your house is as good a place as any to burn calories and slim down.


I ain't fat, and never have been...maybe because I do stuff. And I don't wait until the mirror clowns me before I decide it would be cool to walk to the store and carry my heavy shit back, rather than fire up the car.



Some people were just born to be fat. And as much as these losers want to blame "genetics" and everything else under the sun, it's because their brain was wired up to the "loser" setting somewhere around birth. For these people, a gym membership is about as useful as nipples on a dude, or a scrotum on JTR, or a keyboard in Kansas City. It's like nap-time for a narcoleptic -- useless.

RACK ucant's rant.

What no sympathy for the guy working the retail counter at the athletic supply store? Fat Frieda comes in looking for some skin tight workout gear. It doesn't quite fit but that's okay because before long she'll drop enough pounds to make it look great and it won't bunch up in her runny egg yoke looking butt. For the next three months she walks around the gym silently reminding everyone there why they stay in shape. Then she births a fat bastard child in the swimming pool without ever knowing she was pregnant and viola the workout gear suddenly fits better. See? The gym works.

Things that make me laugh:

The fat cunts who read while they pretend to do cardio... tell me, fattie, why is there not an ounce of sweat dripping from your thunder thighs after that crane physically removed you from the treadmill?

The people who are texting or talking on cell phones while try pretend to work out. Go away...

People who 'do squats' on the Smith Machine. Newflash, lardass, it's called a "squat" because your ass should be in a squatting position like you're taking a dump. Dipping your fat fucking ass down a couple of inches does not count as "a rep." Your hamstrings should be parallel with the ground.

Oh yeah, any "guy" who puts the padding around the bar before doing a shitty set of sissy-squats with 95 fucking lbs has officially just revoked his own manhood. Do you realize how gay you are? Have your doctor write you a prescription for two testicles, queerbait.

Another RACK.

Smith machine's usefullness is up for debate. Form is not.

I think we know who used to have the keys to the Workout Guy troll.

Have your doctor write you a prescription for two testicles, queerbait.

I'm not exactly workout guy, but I can appreciate some of this....

I like the "old-timers' (sometimes in Jack LaLane jumpsuit gear) doing "lat pull-downs" and using their entire fucking bodies to haul the bar down, and then launching themselves back up in the air like a rocket along with the bar on the supposed 'negative'.

Also, I did squats Sunday with 45 lbs on a side. I didn't use the padding, but my legs are still sore.

Eaglebauer wrote: I like the "old-timers' (sometimes in Jack LaLane jumpsuit gear) doing "lat pull-downs" and using their entire fucking bodies to haul the bar down, and then launching themselves back up in the air like a rocket along with the bar on the supposed 'negative'.

Funny imagery.

Yet painful at the same time.

Like Dins said, start on the sidewalk in front of your house.

Want to lose some weight?
Walk 3-5 miles a day.
Cut out pizza, beer, potato chips and fast food.
Do some heavy yard work on the weekend.

Save the membership fee.

Mikey wrote:
Save the membership fee.

That and having to deal with cheesy cuntlike personal trainers who are not more than used car sales types with the ability to work out all day and sit in a tanning booth.


WAR Home Gyms.
WAR Someday.

Mikey wrote:Cut out pizza, beer, potato chips and fast food.

A) There's been studies done that suggest that heavy beer drinking leads to weight loss. Always worked that way for me. It's the poor dietary decisions people make when they're drunk that makes you fat, not the beer itself. There's no fats in beer.


B) Better advice would be "learn a thing or two about nutrition, and then get to reading the labels on the packaging." Keep the fat intake down, and you'll never have a problem with being overweight. Fatty foods generally taste good...but what's that worth to you?

Dinsdale wrote:

Mikey wrote:Cut out pizza, beer, potato chips and fast food.

A) There's been studies done that suggest that heavy beer drinking leads to weight loss. Always worked that way for me. It's the poor dietary decisions people make when they're drunk that makes you fat, not the beer itself. There's no fats in beer.


B) Better advice would be "learn a thing or two about nutrition, and then get to reading the labels on the packaging." Keep the fat intake down, and you'll never have a problem with being overweight. Fatty foods generally taste good...but what's that worth to you?

It depends on your metabolism.

It's empty carbs that put weight on me, and make my cholesterol shoot through the roof.

Tom In VA wrote: That and having to deal with cheesy cuntlike personal trainers who are not more than used car sales types with the ability to work out all day and sit in a tanning booth.

WHOA!!!


Sounds like a certain poster just got called the fuck out.


Tom, prepare to be called a "cum-swiller" who posesses a set of "cock polishers" very shortly.

I'm not a nutritionist, nor did I do the Holiday Inn thing last night, but --

Mikey wrote: It's empty carbs that put weight on me, and make my cholesterol shoot through the roof.

Sounds like a classic example of the result of a sedentary lifestyle.


"Empty carbs" are easily dealt with...if you're not a lump of goo.

Tom In VA wrote:

Mikey wrote:
Save the membership fee.

That and having to deal with cheesy cuntlike personal trainers who are not more than used car sales types with the ability to work out all day and sit in a tanning booth.


WAR Home Gyms.
WAR Someday.

Uh oh

Edit to add: On second thought, no call out was issued. No mention of liberal use of hair gel by said trainer.
Tom's in the clear.

Is there a P.T. in the house ? Oh shit.


Nah, seriously, these guys are all about clientele and trying to run a sales pitch while you're trying to work out, at least at my gym.

I'd imagine a P.T. wouldn't mind all the fatties this time of year as long as their willing to pony up the dough.

They're like "cash cows" literally.




I'm sorry Ken.


Some day.

Tom In VA wrote:

Mikey wrote:
Save the membership fee.

That and having to deal with cheesy cuntlike personal trainers who are not more than used car sales types with the ability to work out all day and sit in a tanning booth.

WAR Home Gyms.
WAR Someday.

Someday for me begins this Friday at 10:00 AM when I close on my house.

Next up, finding some weights and a heavy bag to go with the treadmill I already own. Oh, and some mats to do some stretching. I'm sure I'll think of some more things as I go along. If all goes well, I won't renew the gym membership next year.

Eaglebauer wrote:I like the "old-timers' (sometimes in Jack LaLane jumpsuit gear) doing "lat pull-downs" and using their entire fucking bodies to haul the bar down, and then launching themselves back up in the air like a rocket along with the bar on the supposed 'negative'.

I hate that guy.


I usually end my back workout doing some sort of cable exercise. After doing some heavy lifting doing real stuff like bent over rows or what not... a couple of the young pups (see also -- juice-heads) feel like it's now "go time." They've been eyeing me, checking out how much I've been lifting, and God ForFuckingBid if someone might be stronger than they are. They'll plob down in adjacent pull down machine and look at how much weight I am doing. They got their testosterone on... their lady friend is usually lurking in the backround. "Look at me, honey... I am going to do one more plate than the 30-something guy." They start tugging at the bar, using their whole body, bouncing around, huffing and puffing, making all sorts of racket. Bitch please. Nice full body workout, faggot.

It's like the moron who pulls up next to you at a light and starts revving his shitty little engine. Go away...

Dinsdale wrote:I'm not a nutritionist, nor did I do the Holiday Inn thing last night, but --

Good thing, because you have absolutely no idea wtf you're talking about.

Jsc810 wrote:

Dinsdale wrote:Fatty foods generally taste good...but what's that worth to you?

For me, a 40" waist and a colon that looks like Cinder's gutted yak evidently.

ftfy

Anyone in here with more than 5 posts a day is out of shape.

Not so trev.




And a few EE's I know are prototyping some Nintento Wi wands for me. I'll be able to post while incorporating some upper body movements as well.

trev wrote:Anyone in here with more than 5 posts a day is out of shape.

Apparently you are mistaken...

Dins puts up 15+ posts/day and eats Kenyan Marathoners for breakfast.

trev wrote:Anyone in here with more than 5 posts a day is out of shape.

This from someone who has 'Lunch' as their interest in their profile.
How's it feel to wallow in the same stupidity as roach?

Tom In VA wrote:
I'd imagine a P.T. wouldn't mind all the fatties this time of year as long as their willing to pony up the dough.

Not really.

The last time I took on an obese case was last year, and within 7 months he had dropped around 89 pounds, increased his lean muscle mass by a very good (by my standards) amount while decreasing his body fat % by over 20 percentile. I did it as a favor to him.


Extremely challenging cases like that are something that im interested in-but ONLY if I feel like they are serious enough to stick to it and go the full distance. Most fatfucks arent. Period.


I've been doing this so long, and have had so many 'word of mouth' clients from my success over the years, that I pick and choose who the fuck I want to train at all times. Whiny cunts, people who arent serious, utter douchebags, and fat fucking lazy slits need not apply.

My schedule for the past 4 years has more often than not has been filled with in shape hotties who are looking to merely maintain and be social (among other things)

Not really.

The last time I took on an obese case was last year, and within 7 months he had dropped around 89 pounds, increased his lean muscle mass by a very good (by my standards) amount while decreasing his body fat % by over 20 percentile. I did it as a favor to him.


Extremely challenging cases like that are something that im interested in-but ONLY if I feel like they are serious enough to stick to it and go the full distance. Most fatfucks arent. Period.


I've been doing this so long, and have had so many 'word of mouth' clients from my success over the years, that I pick and choose who the fuck I want to train at all times. Whiny cunts, people who arent serious, utter douchebags, and fat fucking lazy slits need not apply.

Nice.

RACKS.


Your old sig goes around and around my head.

"There's no such thing as staying the same ...."

Mikey wrote:Like Dins said, start on the sidewalk in front of your house.

Want to lose some weight?
Walk 3-5 miles a day.
Cut out pizza, beer, potato chips and fast food.
Do some heavy yard work on the weekend.

Save the membership fee.

I could always do without the excessively and sweating/grunting dudes who loudly grunt in pain on every rep, increase the volume of said grunts when there are hotties in the room, sweat all over the benches and don't clean up their own spooge but leave it there for someone else to deal with, then go into the locker room and take a giant shit that stinks like roadkill died up their ass two weeks earlier and they're just now getting around to expelling it.
All that shit gets old real quick.

War bike paths and swimming pools in the back yard.

Uhm, Trev...


We've seen your pic, dumbass.


And should the day come that I look as unhealthy as you(or the day that I sport a femullet), will be the day I off myself.


As far as the lat-pulldown machine...how do you even use one of those?

I haven't tried in many years, but since my body weight is less than the amount that it takes to even make my muscles tighten on a pull-down, it always seemed fairly worthless. I'd heave and ho and jump around to get the thing moving, then once I got it down, it would launch me like a slingshot...something to do with "laws of physics" or something. If I tried to stay still, it would be better described as a "pull up."



These days, I'd rather do 100 90 80 reps with a golf club than lift weights. Same goes for 12oz curls.


And I'm still gorgeous.

Dinsdale wrote:These days, I'd rather do 100 90 80 reps with a golf club than lift weights. Same goes for 12oz curls.

I had 81 reps this weekend. Giving credit to the new Calloway X-20 sticks. I hit 13 greens in regulation. I had 4 doubles (4 coons).

IndyFrisco wrote:

Dinsdale wrote:These days, I'd rather do 100 90 80 reps with a golf club than lift weights. Same goes for 12oz curls.

I had 81 reps this weekend.

And how many putts?

BSmack wrote:

IndyFrisco wrote:

Dinsdale wrote:These days, I'd rather do 100 90 80 reps with a golf club than lift weights. Same goes for 12oz curls.

I had 81 reps this weekend.

And how many putts?

I really don't count my putts, but I did putt pretty good. I had 2 birds, 3 bogeys and 4 doubles. I only had one three-putt. The course I play on has really tough greens. They are pretty slow right now, but puttable. Usually, I have 4-5 3-putts because these are so damn fast usually. In any case, I posted my score as always.

Here's my club's stats: 71.0/132

That's not an easy slope rating.

IndyFrisco wrote:The course I play on has really tough greens.

Timing the windmill is a bitch, eh?

Mister Bushice wrote:

Mikey wrote:Like Dins said, start on the sidewalk in front of your house.

Want to lose some weight?
Walk 3-5 miles a day.
Cut out pizza, beer, potato chips and fast food.
Do some heavy yard work on the weekend.

Save the membership fee.

I could always do without the excessively and sweating/grunting dudes who loudly grunt in pain on every rep, increase the volume of said grunts when there are hotties in the room, sweat all over the benches and don't clean up their own spooge but leave it there for someone else to deal with, then go into the locker room and take a giant shit that stinks like roadkill died up their ass two weeks earlier and they're just now getting around to expelling it.
All that shit gets old real quick.

What kind of club do you belong to?

Just leave a note on the weight bench and call it good.

-Slinger

this is fucking LAUGHABLE. Get back to me when you pussies have actually learned something about working out like a REAL MAN. hint: it has nothing to do with with your faggy little gym memberships.

pussies. all of you.

see you this summer.

Dinsdale wrote:

IndyFrisco wrote:The course I play on has really tough greens.

Timing the windmill is a bitch, eh?

Hey you made me laugh!

I get bored easily with my exercise routines. Went from the treadmill, to the elliptical, to the moving stair machine thingie, to spinning classes, to Krav Maga martial arts classes (would've stuck with that but it was too expensive!), to going back to the gym and working out with a trainer, to walking around my 'hood, to jogging around my 'hood, etc. This weekend I bought a bicycle. It was literally over 10 years since I'd ridden one. On Saturday evening, I learned really quickly that you CAN forget how to ride one. Keeping my balance was a bitch! Been riding every day after work, though, and it all came back really quickly. Hopefully this weekend I'll get a chance to go down to the trails near the beach and see what that's like.

Feels good to do something physical every day. I can definitely think of more fun things than riding a bicycle ;) but this'll do for now!