T1B

With early season high temp's looking to be in the 80's Friday and Saturday.. I want to call Saturday April 7 for the first U & L drowning in 47 degree or colder water, and I will call white trash male as well....

Now since the U & L went on such an early tear last year, with Darwin harvsting multiple mensa's in a single week, I figure that the winter / spring cooler weather NOW heating up and the weekend approaching, and the U & L being a very unchurched area for easter on Sunday, that the potential Darwinee's, consuming much alcohol and smoking that killer grow room bud, then launching them selves off High Rocks', the Sandy River ( sup Spic's), rafting on the Clackmas snow melt, that we got to see some floaters this week end...

U &Lr's... Please weight in with your predictions..male is a given, extra points for a correct race call...

dude
it happened already
Camas high school student drowned in the Mollala River last week during spring break...


what do I win??

Race and gender to win, backer.

Speaking of cold water in the U&L when I first moved there a friend of ours recounted his first experience with the Puget Sound. He was in his 20's in the 1970's and just moved to Tacoma. He worked as a welder and machinist on the tide flats. After work one day he went to Brown's Point and stripped down to his swim suit still all greasy, dirty, hot and sweaty from work. He runs across the beach for toward the water only casually noticing that there isn't anyone in the water. He figures this is his lucky day he'll have the surf to himself. He charges in and dives into a wave. Immediately he found out why no one was in the water. Puget Sound is a bitterly cold place. You can get hypothermia in that water in what, Dins, 4 minutes? It's crazy.


Every time we went to Brown's Point I thought about that story and never waded past my knees. After about thirty seconds my ankles would start to ache. It seemed like nothing ever went numb in that water. It always felt cold.

Rootbeer wrote:You can get hypothermia in that water in what, Dins, 4 minutes?

[dins]depends. give me age, body fat, BAC, time of year and I'll work out a rough estimate. I might be smart, but, I ain't no fukkin' mind reader. [/dins]

Derron wrote: temp's
mensa's
Darwinee's
U &Lr's

Are' yo'u re'lat'ed to m'2?

how long before we have an apostrophe troll?

smackaholic wrote:how long before we have an apostrophe troll?

When I learned how to pluralize a word in... oh I don't know... the 2nd grade, maybe... all we did was add an "s" to the end of most words.

I could understand people being lazy and not adding an apostrophe to a word to make it plural... if that was the correct way to do. But it's not.

Doing more work to make you appear more retarded, never made any sense to me.

MOLALLA, Ore. - Authorities on Friday planned to recover a body discovered a night earlier in the Molalla River.

According to the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office, about 6:30 p.m. Thursday, a resident reported seeing what appeared to be a mannequin or human body submerged in the river in an area between South Adams Cemetery Road and South Dickey Prairie Road in Molalla.

Deputies responded and determined the remains were human but it was unsafe to try to recover the body at that time.

The body is near the 34400 block of South Molalla Forrest Road in 43-degree, swift-moving water, the sheriff's office said.

The gender of the body was not immediately clear.

Once recovered, the body will be taken to the state medical examiner's office for an autopsy.

No more information was immediately available.

Molalla isn't the most populated area, nor is it the most popular river, but there's never a shortage of Darwin candidates in the toothless outskirts.

OREGON CITY, Ore. - Authorities in Clackamas County pulled a body from the Willamette River Thursday night near the Oregon City - West Linn Bridge.

There is reason to believe it may be linked to a chase that ended three weeks ago at the Sportscraft Marina.

Thursday night two fishermen spotted the body in the river. It's the same spot where a suspect jumped into the water following an early morning police chase on March 16.

In that incident, Canby police had pulled over a man for a traffic violation but he fled and ended up crashing into the gate of the marina, jumping out of the vehicle and jumping in the water. He was never found.

Police weren't saying Friday morning whether they believe it is the same man. They would only confirm that the body was that of a white man who had been in the water for a few weeks or possibly a month.

Evading police to get froze, instead of recreation gene-pool-cleanup counts double, right? Canby is near Molalla-btw.


Just got warm enough to where people are getting into the swimming holes yeasterday, and there's already three down. If the preseason numbers are any indication, Darwin is going to have a career year.


Must be transplants. When I was a kid, they always taught me that if you try to go swimming in wanter under 55 degrees, you're going to drown.

FLORENCE, Ore. (AP) - Two Florence women trying to enjoy the sunset near the Sea Lions Caves ended up falling nearly 150 feet down the steep rocky hillside above the Pacific Ocean.

Police say despite warning signs, 45-year-old Sandra Stratton and 28-year-old Jennifer Halladay stepped over the rock wall to enjoy the view.

Neither woman could remember exactly what happened next, but they wound up falling and couldn't get back up the hillside.

Authorities say another car stopped shortly after and heard one of the women calling for help.

"Rope Rescue" responders from Western Lane Ambulance and Siuslaw Valley Fire and Rescue used their skills to lower aid to the women.

It took nearly three hours, but both were taken to a hospital, where they were treated and released.

Authorities say alcohol was definitely a factor.

RACK them for trying to SoCalTrojan up the numbers. The Pacific always gets BODE.

FLORENCE, Ore. (AP) - Two Florence women trying to enjoy the sunset near the Sea Lions Caves

This has nothing whatsoever to do with the subject, but since I don't care, I'll post anyway. This reminds me of a girl I was dating in college, filed under the heading "Maybe this isn't going to work out after all." Admittedly, I knew she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I didn't know how serious it was until we spent a weekend on the coast. Staying at a place in Yachats, I was awakened by said hottie at something like 5:00 in the morning.

Her: Honey, wake up!
Me: Hmmmm? Wha? It's like 5:00 in the morning, go back to sleep.
Her: I know, but I want to go see the sunrise at the beach.
Me: What? Why?
Her: Just think how beautiful it will be to see the sun rise over the ocean.
Me: Are you kidding me?
Her: No, why?
Me: You woke me up at 5:00 in the morning to see the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean in Oregon?
Her: Don't you want to go?
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That was the last time we did anything together. Even in college, I had some standards.

so, she was from the east coast. cut her a little slack.

btw, you can see nice coastal sunset here on the right coast on the bay side of cape cod.

She was from Arizona.

so, she basically has zero experience with viewing solar event over large bodies of water? did she atleast have nice titties?

Hobbes wrote:

FLORENCE, Ore. (AP) - Two Florence women trying to enjoy the sunset near the Sea Lions Caves

This has nothing whatsoever to do with the subject, but since I don't care, I'll post anyway. This reminds me of a girl I was dating in college, filed under the heading "Maybe this isn't going to work out after all." Admittedly, I knew she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but I didn't know how serious it was until we spent a weekend on the coast. Staying at a place in Yachats, I was awakened by said hottie at something like 5:00 in the morning.

Her: Honey, wake up!
Me: Hmmmm? Wha? It's like 5:00 in the morning, go back to sleep.
Her: I know, but I want to go see the sunrise at the beach.
Me: What? Why?
Her: Just think how beautiful it will be to see the sun rise over the ocean.
Me: Are you kidding me?
Her: No, why?
Me: You woke me up at 5:00 in the morning to see the sun rise over the Pacific Ocean in Oregon?
Her: Don't you want to go?
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That's pretty stupid!

Sincerely,
Tim Flannery

Darwin almost scored another one.

PORTLAND - A Portland couple stranded on a sinking pleasure boat was rescued Thursday morning.

Around 11:30 a.m. Mike Hryciw called 911 to report that he and his boating companion were aboard a sinking 24-foot Bayliner that they had taken on its first run of the season on the Columbia River.

The boat's engine had died and would not re-start, leaving the couple floating under the Interstate 5 bridge. The couple told KOIN News 6 that after calling 911, they put on life jackets and headed to the front of the boat as the tail end was filling up with water.

Multnomah County Sheriffs deputies arrived within minutes and with the help of the Coast Guard and Portland Fire Bureau, managed to transfer the couple onto the MCSO boat. Officials then pumped out the water from the boat and towed the broken down vessel to the 42nd Street ramp.

As deputies investigated the incident they learned that the boat had just been professionally winterized. When the boat was placed back into the water, the plug to hold water out was not put back into the stern. The River Patrol says this is a common mistake, so before setting out onto the water, make sure the plug is in place.

Not just anywhere on The Creek, but right under the Interstate Bridge...so they had quite the large audience for the clowning.


Their efforts at suicide were even twofold -- first, dunno about you guys, but when I get in a boat(I own two, and never use either of them, but one of them is making a fine yard-ornament, while the other adorns someone else's yard), not only do I make sure the plug is in the ass, but I makwe sure every person getting onboard has verified that the plug is in...it's pretty important. Secondly...ever wonder what that switch on the dash labelled "Bilge Pump" is for, dumbass? Most boats have a bilge pump that can usually pump out as much water as the plug lets in...funny how that works.


Funny stuff.

Y'know, those damn cell phones are really cutting into chuck darwins slugging percentage.

Darwin gets juked again...

CANNON BEACH, Ore. - A 6-year-old girl is hospitalized after being crushed by a log at Cannon Beach.

The fire department says the girl and her family were visiting the area and sitting on a log near the water. A wave came up suddenly and swept the family off. The log rolled onto the girl.

Officials estimate that the log, at least 20 feet long, weighed more than a ton.

"These waves can sneak up on your real fast and you don't have time enough to react. So just be on the lookout and just do a little preventative precautions when you're on the beach to make sure this isn't going to happen," Lt. Robert Schulz told KOIN News 6.

The girl was taken by ambulance to a local hospital and then airlifted to Portland. Her condition was not released.

Probably the most popular tourist beach in the whole state. There's signs posted at most of the popular tourist beaches that say something to the æffect of "stay off the logs, you fucking idiots."


Geez, didn't anyone see the movie Never Give An Inch/Sometimes A Great Notion?

So Dins... how many time you went swimming in the Oregon ocean ??

(This is a test BTW)

Derron wrote:So Dins... how many time you went swimming in the Oregon ocean ??

(This is a test BTW)

Voluntarily?

I think I'm up to about...zero.


Involuntarily?

A few.


I try to never go in above my scrote.

Ding..ding... [passes test]

That is the correct reply for any native semi native Oregonian with a brain.

I believe I went in willingly when I was about 9 years old and froze my fucking ass off and that lesson stuck.

Now like Dins, I may have fallen / tripped / stumbled / while under the influence of alcohol / drugs and entered the ocean UNWILLINGLY, but quickly removed myself from said ocean. Even in 1981, in the midst of an Oregon heat wave, when the temp at Garabaldi was 105, did I ever think of geting into said ocean. I merely purchased more beer and my partners and I pointed my boat back offshore about 4 miles and went with the drift until 10 in the evening.

I may, that is I MAY wade in ocean up to my ankles while throwing tennis ball for ignorant Labrador retreiver, but to go deeper is insane. I have marked water temps in the middle of August a mile off shore at 53 degrees. Fucking cold...

Rack Darwin.

I think maybe on one of these boards, I told my tale of Newport drinking binges(work roadies tend to instigate benders), stalking jumbo-sized cougars, and sneaker waves in November.

To make a long story short -- there was swimming involved.

I think I've been in once since then, in Neskowin. September-ish, when the temp might hit a whopping 59 in an El Nino year. It was right before a beach wedding, and I actually did go in voluntarily, but that doesn't really count, since I was so hungover that I wanted to be swept away and die. I even doused the scrote, which did little to wake me up...but those were extremely extenuating circumstances.

the good ocean, huh?

fukk that. I'll take the crappy ass atlantic with the shit weather a warm ocean brings. atleast I can actually get into it without the help of large quantities of mind altering substances for a whole couple of months a year. i did go in sort of voluntarily in early may once. it was one of those first fukker to drop the ball goes in kind of things. i am guessing temps were somewhere around 50-55 degrees. it was 23 years ago and I am still suffering shrinkage.

and then there's that other cesspool of an ocean, the gulf of meheeeco, where it is also nice a few months a year. the rest of the time it's too fukking warm.

smackaholic wrote:the good ocean, huh?

Yup. Giver of life, regulator of temps.

Why the fuck would anyone want to swim in the ocean, anyway? Surfing and whatnot -- I understand. That's what wetsuits are for.

But it's the 21st freaking century -- they have these things called "swimming pools." And there ain't no shit swimming around trying to eat you in a pool. Pond's good for you.

you are right dins, salt water sucks ass, but, it's still fun to go jump in it now and then, without a fukking wet suit.

Trust me dude -- when I'm in the North Pacific without a wetsuit...I've been having one hell of a time...up to that point.

i've been in the pacific in two places. Hawaii, niiiiice, real fukking nice. and socal, all the way up to my shins. brrrrrrrr. no fukking way I'm gettin' in it 1000 miles, giv'er'take north of where it was pretty fukking cold.

Just how fukking far south do you have to go before it warms up? chile?

Darwin had an outstanding week in the U&L-btw.


My favorite might be the teen girl who decided to take on the mighty Deschutes in an inner tube with no life jacket. Because it's not like that river is famous for class IV after class IV, or anything...oh, wait -- there's one every few hundred yards.


Dang, I tend to get pretty crazy on the river. I've been pinned under falls, drunk as hell with no floatation, more than once... but I ain't getting in an inner tube and floating the Deschutes without a vest any time soon.

Stupid is as stupid does, I guess. We all get stupid, on an occasion -- it's just that most of us seem to avoid being fatally stupid, more often than not.


But they were dropping like flies in the U&L this past week. Lots of Mexicans meeting an untimely demise to unbreathable water. That's odd, I thought most Mexicans in the US were fairly accomplished swimmers.

Dinsdale wrote:That's odd, I thought most Mexicans in the US were fairly accomplished swimmers.

Excellent

Years ago I did a two day canoe trip on the Deschutes. Two guys in our group had one of those huge rafts and it carried all our grub and stuff. I hadn't been in a canoe so my partner suggested I sit at the very front. The Deschutes like Dins said can be a wicked mofo. I had one of those stupid looking orange life jackets on...and off we went. It started out pretty smooth, just enjoying the solitude in the canyons, watching deer, eagles, and what not.

Then the shit hit the fan.

The guys in the raft had us all meet on the side of the river to discuss what was ahead. I remember him saying that the next set of rapids was a tough one, but I don't remember the classification. He said we could portage, or we could give it a try. We walked up and took a look at it and I said, "Let's do it." Wrong answer.

About halfway through the rapids I noticed that we were taking in a lot of water. White water all around us...my starfish was clamped so tight that you couldn't have got a lubed BB up there. Then we get bowled over and now we are swimming in fast moving water. I was swimming toward the bank but the current and rushing water was making this a Ironman event. I finally made it to the bank and just laid there like Free Willy. I was gassed...I think I even barfed. Later we retrieved our canoe and it had a huge dent in the side.

When we finished the trip I thanked our host and said, "You will never see me in a canoe again."

Rip City

The correct craft for the Deschutes are:

-A framed raft

-An aluminum driftboat


If you attempt a Deschutes run in a watercraft that isn't in the list above, you officially qualify as a "dumbfuck."


Geez Luth, you roll with some real jokers. They actually let you get in the 'Chutes in a canoe -- bad joke on Luth #1. Then to top #1, they then didn't tell you how to deal with it when you inevitably came out of the inappropriate boat.

Classic. Of course, you could have consulted Dins, Master of outdoor life in the U&L, and I would have told you to grasp your vest, and make really fucking sure to get your feet pointing downstream -- kind of easier to bounce off boulders with your fett at 25MPH, rather than your head. Oh, and just ride the rapid downstream until you get out of the current -- THEN start swimming. All trying to swim out of the whitewater is going to do is make you exhausted, which is just about the last thing you need when you're trying to survive an emergency situation. Believe it or not, those rapids always end -- better to deal with your situation once you exit the rapids, rather than in the middle of them, since they don't negotiate.

Avoiding the strainers is always a good policy, too. Nothing will fuck you up quicker after an unplanned exit from a river vessel than a strainer. On the bright side, usually after one person gets whacked by a strainer, some good samaritan usually goes in and cuts it out with a chain saw... which is nice of them.


Matter of fact, I got strained on the Clack last year... cost me about a freaking case of beer. Serves me right for scoping a fishing hole, rather than adhering to the "always go left on the Clack" rule.

Dinsdale wrote:The correct craft for the Deschutes are:

-A framed raft

-An aluminum driftboat


If you attempt a Deschutes run in a watercraft that isn't in the list above, you officially qualify as a "dumbfuck."


Geez Luth, you roll with some real jokers. They actually let you get in the 'Chutes in a canoe -- bad joke on Luth #1.

As I read Luths post and saw the word "canoe" I thought NNNOOOOOOOOO.....but then the post confirmed that Luths "friends" were in fact trying to murder old Luth....

So we have the Chutes from Sunriver area down in to Bend area.. fairly tame, still some "pay attention" type rapids..then you have the middle Chutes which is just fucking sick and bad with rapids, and an unpassable falls at Shears Falls...

Props to Luth for living through that.. and..,.

since we are looking at 100 degrees plus here in the U&L for the next 3 days or so, I ventrue that the death toll will rise by at least 2 in the next 4 days..rack Darwin..

Derron wrote:and an unpassable falls at Shears Falls...

One of my buddies tells a pretty funny story about some tourons who were apparently too busy checking out the scenery to actually read all of those signs hanging from cables over the river that say "take out here, dumbfuck," or whatever they say.


But they did prove that Shearar's Falls isn't "impassable," in the strictest sense of the word.

They should probably modify the terminology to reflect that "well, it's not impassable, but it's a realllllly bad idea."


But the story does have a very sad ending -- they managed to get a rope around the guy who didn't get kicked out, and went for the big churn-ride. Got him out alive. I notice them Injuns who are dipnetting for chinook at the Falls don't go too far out of their way to help Whitey out.

since we are looking at 100 degrees plus here in the U&L for the next 3 days or so, I ventrue that the death toll will rise by at least 2 in the next 4 days..rack Darwin..

Oh, I'll take the "over" on that one, buddy. I'll go with 2...on the Clackamas and Sandy alone. Factor the Deschutes in there, and all bets are off.

Ahhh, the joy of a U&L summer. Looks like fishing off the jetty(that translates from U&Lese to English as "drinking") on wednesday, and possibly a Deschutes run later in the week, possibly. And if I go with my old rafting buddy who has kind of re-emerged lately, there might be some heavy drug use invlved while running the river when it's like 110 outside... always a party. And for a town of 500, they sure seem to pack the eyecandy into Maupin at a rate that seems impossible. Then again, in summer, Maupin has a population of like 50,000, so I guess it works out.

Some idiots died in the Snake river this past week. One guy tried to swim across it with his buddy. His buddy made it but dude didn't. They found him a few days later. The Snake is one deadly river. I knew an 8 year old boy who was swimming on the surface and got pulled under by an undertow. They found him a few days later. The concepts of cold and water don't gel for some people. That water was snow just a few days ago, morons.

Oh, I'll take the "over" on that one, buddy. I'll go with 2...on the Clackamas and Sandy alone. Factor the Deschutes in there, and all bets are off.

Oh by the way Din's.. it was good seeing you on KATU news the other night, you were the one with the wife beater on right ??, dirty baseball cap on backwards, slobbering and bitching about how the fucking pigs shut down Barton Park because :

All the white trash and spics were drunk and fighting, and that skank ass ho that was with you and her fat fucking belly hanging over her bikini top bitching about how they you had to pay 3 fucking dollars to park and now the fucking pigs were closing the park...and do something with our tax dollars.. I mean every one who is coming down the river is drunk..so yeah theres gonna be fights...

and how this one dude threw a rock at the cop and the cop beat the shit out of him with his asp.. and this and that..

Unlike the summer slacker you are.. I have to work.. but its to the office (AC) to the pickup (AC) to the office (AC), then to the house (central AC) to work on a few songs with my new bass guitar....with multiple cold Coronas keeping me hydrated.

Your Honor... I rest my case...

http://www.katu.com/news/8392882.html

Derron wrote:All the white trash and spics were drunk and fighting, and that skank ass ho that was with you and her fat fucking belly hanging over her bikini top

Was she standing on her head?

Goober McTuber wrote:

Derron wrote:All the white trash and spics were drunk and fighting, and that skank ass ho that was with you and her fat fucking belly hanging over her bikini top

Was she standing on her head?

Yeah she was .. that way he could eat her snatch while standing up with minimal effort.