T1B

Dr. Feelgood

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.

The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."

He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.''

The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.

The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.''

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us.

"Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...''

A man brings home a bouquet of flowers to his wife. The wife says dryly, "well I guess I got to spread my legs now."

The husband responds, "What, you don't have a vase?"

Sirfindafold wrote:A man brings home a bouquet of flowers to his wife. The wife says dryly, "well I guess I got to spread my legs now."

The husband responds, "What, you don't have a vase?"

I saw The Sopranos last night, too.

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."

Sirfindafold wrote:A man brings home a bouquet of flowers to his wife. The wife says dryly, "well I guess I got to spread my legs now."

The husband responds, "What, you don't have a vase?"

Nice work, dipshit. Any other fresh ones? Maybe if Junior bogarts the camera again next week, you'll have more brilliance to lay on us.

What you low-life jackasses don't know is that I'm a writer for The Sopranos.

go fuck yourselves.

Sirfindafold wrote:What you low-life jackasses don't know is that I'm a writer for The Sopranos.

No wonder it's been garbage lately...

Sirfindafold wrote:What you low-life jackasses don't know is that I'm a writer for The Sopranos.

go fuck yourselves.

A writer? No way.

A fluffer? Yeah, I’d buy that.

Sirfindafold wrote:What you low-life jackasses don't know is that I'm a writer for The Sopranos.

They use your signature response enough in that show that I can almost believe you are one of the writers.

I'm not reading all this.

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he sped up to 80 m.p.h., enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought, as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him no problem!" thought the elderly speedster as he went to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," said the Trooper.