T1B

My buddy is getting married in two weeks, so his bachelor party was last night. About 15 of us met at a local watering hole before we hit the titty bars, and we didn't have to leave our first stop for nekkid festivities to begin.

So we are sitting around slamming brews and chit chatting about pussy and in waddles lumbers this red headed beast - five foot five and a deuce and a quarter...easy. In short, this trollop was a morbidly obese Netboy Reid.

I'll let that one soak in for a minute...

**shudder**

Anywho, this broad was already three sheets to the wind evidenced by the fact that she showed us her manhole cover sized pink and freckly areolas before introducing herself, followed quickly by her inability to form even the simplest of sentences. What a mess. One of the boys asked her if she would put on a show for the groom-to-be if we ponied up $50. She slurred something about how $50 would buy him a show that he would never forget.

Game Time.

I told my buddy (the groom), who would literally fuck a snake if he could hold it still, to go to the shitter and lock the door and I would lead the wildebeest back to him in a minute. So I finally lassoed this thing into following me back to the bathroom and three steps later, she fucking took a header, shattering a god damn glass en route. Jesus. My plan was to stand outside the door while the festivities took place thus keeping interruptions to a minimum while my buddy went hoggin'. But when we got to the bathroom, she had other plans.

"I waaaaannna fuukk youu. Yer fr...fr...buddy can watch." - Her
"You will do no such thing. Now get in here and earn your Twinkie money." - Me
"Okkkk. OOOOOk. I'll suuuuuuck you dick then." - Her

***Dramatic pause while I thought long and hard about it***

"Bullshit. Get in there and send him off right." - Me

At this time, I opened the door, widened my base, placed my shoulder into the middle of her interstate wide back, and "guided" her in. My buddy was waiting - wondering what the fuck was taking so long and the ensuing conversation went like this:

"I wanna suuuuuuuuck you dick." - Her to my buddy
"Don't leave me alone in here with this thing, dude." - Him to me
"She wants your hose, man. Give it to her!" Me, encouraging him
"If you leave this bathroom, I'm going too." Him on the verge of pussing out
“Dude, you’ve fucked ten times worse. Now get to hoggin’!” – Me to him
"You guys wanna waaaaaatch me fukkkk myself? - Her

***Silent pause while we both considered it***

"Sounds good." - Him
"Let's rock." - Me
"Here, use this." - Me, handing her an empty Bud Light bottle.

So this pig started to disrobe, and I damn near threw up in my mouth when I saw her gunt. As she struggled to get her final gravy filled leg out of her jeans, her FUPA jiggling in all its gelatinous glory, the beast lost her balance and bit it hard again, this time taking out the trash can. Like a trooper, she acted like nothing even happened, grabbed the beer bottle, cracked open her legs, and promptly started fucking herself with the bottle in her left hand while she manipulated her Volkswagen sized clit with her right.

"Yeah, fuck yourself hard. That's it." - Me, encouraging her
"Yeaaahhh. Talllllk dirt to meeee. - Her with her eyes rolling back into her head
"Show Anheuser Busch who's boss, baby!" - Me
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" - My buddy
"I can't fukk myyyyyself fast nuff. Summmmone help me out and fuck me." - Her
"That's all you, dude." - Me to my buddy

So my buddy took control of the bottle and started piston fucking her to the point where both "Bud" and "Light" had disappeared under her greasy fat folds and into her vag.

"OOWWWWWW!!! You're too deep!!!" She yelped at my buddy - which explained why I couldn't see "Bud Light" anymore. "Keep going!" She then demanded, contradicting herself.

She started moaning in delight as she was working her clit over HARD and her eyes rolled back into her head. 30 seconds later, she started screaming and convulsing in pleasure as this fatty came and came hard. The wave lasted a good ten seconds as she started flailing around like a caged gorilla - kicking and knocking shit over with reckless abandon. When the earth finally stopped shaking, my buddy pulled the beer bottle out of her chunky cooch which unleashed a rush of blood and vaginal wall. I guess he really WAS going too deep. Ugh.

So, like a true friend, I instantly bailed leaving my buddy the task of cleaning up and saying good bye.

5 minutes later, I saw her stumbling out of the bar without her $50.

She didn't really fuck herself with the beer bottle, your buddy did it.

If you wanna split hairs, they both did it.

[extended, convulsive... ...]

[BING! BING! BING!]

You know, at this point, I don't care if it's true or not. Great story. An instant classic.

WAR twelve-ounce glass dicks

yeah, whatever.


I mean, I was laughing my ass off by like the sixth sentence. For that matter, I started laughing the second I saw mike's nick on the thread.

"Show Anheuser Busch who's boss, baby!" - Me

awesome.

Mike Backer wrote:If you wanna split hairs, they both did it.

I know. I should have just given you a well deserved RACK.

Ha ha...


Sin,
Nelson

XXXL wrote:Ha ha...


Sin,
Nelson

Serious question...






Are you fucking retarded?

That's a three-alarm RACK.

Rack Mike Backer for the story. A second rack for finding a decent use for an Anheuser-Busch product.

I think the most disgusting part of the story was that it was an empty Bud bottle, implying that someone had drank the contents.

A+

RACK

Damn, I feel like shit after reading that story. I've done that w/ girls that I liked. That weren't drunk.

And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

Nishlord wrote:And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

BWA! Fukkin Rack.

2nd. Rack Euro.

Nishlord wrote:And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

Bottle? What Bottle? I just offered 'em $50 for a show. That's as far into that idiotic story as I read.

Nishlord wrote:And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

Bottle? What Bottle? I just offered 'em $50 to put on a show for me. That's as far into that idiotic story as I read.

Havana Sugar King wrote:

Nishlord wrote:And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

Bottle? What Bottle? I just offered 'em $50 to put on a show for me. That's as far into that idiotic story as I read.

Havana Sugar King wrote:Damn, I feel like shit after reading that story. I've done that w/ girls that I liked. That weren't drunk.

Only four posts in, two are the same, you just contradicted yourself and I see a pile on of BSmackian proportions headed your way.

I do like your avatar tho.

Invictus wrote:

Havana Sugar King wrote:

Nishlord wrote:And what end of the bottle did you use while these girls watched?

Bottle? What Bottle? I just offered 'em $50 to put on a show for me. That's as far into that idiotic story as I read.

Havana Sugar King wrote:Damn, I feel like shit after reading that story. I've done that w/ girls that I liked. That weren't drunk.

Only four posts in, two are the same, you just contradicted yourself and I see a pile on of BSmackian proportions headed your way.

I do like your avatar tho.

Yeah, not a good start. Let the pile on commence.