Fogelberg: toast

[Prancer]

Met some old douchbag at the hardware store
The fog was forming Christmas Eve
I asked to point me towards the square head screws
As he wiped snot on his sleeve

He didn't recognize the face at first
Then one eye flew open wide
He went to smack me but he spilled his purse
And I laughed until I creid

I took my lumber to the checkout stand
And put my deck screws in the bag
He asked if I liked gladiator movies
I should have known he was a fag

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
Bought some Keystones at the liquor store
And we drank it in his car

We drank a toast to Kevnic
We drank a toast to Jack
We swore an oath of allegiance
To keep Reindeer of our back

He said he'd found himself a 23 year old hottie
Her beauty told of in his rants
So enamoured that he busted out a cam
While he wore her underpants

I said the years had been a friend to him
His eyes not nearly filled with goo
He would haved liked to say he could focus
But one ain't bad of two

He said he saw me on the OU Squad
And that I must be doing well
I said Switzer's reign was heavenly
But the Texas game was hell

We drank a toast to Kevnic
We drank a toast to Jack
We swore an oath of allegiance
To keep Reindeer of our back

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to whine
Reliving all the eloquence
Of another sober time

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
He tried to kiss me as I got out
I knew the dude was gay

Just for a moment I was back at SC3
And felt that old familiar pain
And the next time that I logged in
My IP shared...again

[PSUFAN]

The Leader of the Bland is tired
And his prostate's growing old
But his growths show on
His X-Ray chart
And his colon's full of holes--
His wife's got a set of pumped-up cans
She'll find another man
He's here to back the SEC
the Leader of the Bland.