"Dork Calling Orcinus..."
Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:07 am
...come in, Orcinus...
Dork:Dork calling Orcinus, come in your Whaleness!
Orcinus:Hello Dork, I... dude, what the fukk are you wearing?
Dork:Pretty sportin' huh, your Mucho Displacementness? I designed this uniform for myself and the rest of the Fearless Extraterrestrial Chieffan Adventure Loser Squad! What do you think?
Orcinus: It's Disco Fabulous. It sucks mad ass. I bet you guys blend well on earth with those on. Did you lose your fukking sense of direction when you placed the Chiefs Logo on it? And you named your expedition party the FECALS? What the fukk is going on here? Are you some kind of fukking retard? I've been here all fukking day waiting for your report. What sort of progress have you and your team made on your mission thus far?
Dork: I am flattered, your Inflatedness! Usually you just ask me if I'm retarded, but now you ask if I'm FUKKING retarded! Anyway, the arrow is sometimes used to POINT, that's what Qbert taught me. So the logo placement is SYMBOLICAL of pointing, see? It points to what we, the FECALS, are; where we're going; and what we're after.
Orcinus: So let me get this straight: you and the rest of the "FECALS" are a bunch of miserable little dicks, on the way down, in search of same? Is that right?
Dork: That's exactly the case, your Sea Mammalness.
Orcinus: If that's what YOU'VE been up to, I hate to think about what you have the rest of your crew doing on your mission.
Dork: ...errrrm, hold on a minute....
Dork: ...keep looking, fellas. I'll let you know when you find it!
Orcinus: I see you've given Kaley and War Wagon their assignments. Unreal. Ok, I know KC Scott is a productive member... what's his part in the mission?
Dork: KC $cott is our CFO/CEO money maker for the mission. None of the rest of us can do what he's capable of.
Orcinus: None of the rest of you are capable of working at burger king? And that's the fukking best Scott could do? This is shaping up to be a disaster. Alright, what's joesixpac up to?
Dork: Who?
Orcinus: joesixpac?
Dork: Who?
Orcinus: joesixpac!!!
Dork: Who?
Orcinus: joesixpac, you fukking idiot. Nevermind. Holy shit. Ok, ok, ok. KCPaul3.0/Revlimter... what's his deal?
Dork: Paul is fat. It got to the point where we couldn't afford to feed him on CEO Scott's megasalary even, plus knocking down walls to get him in and out of the barn and freight charges to haul his fat gelatinous blob of undifferentiated goo around all became prohibitive...
Orcinus: GET TO THE POINT! YOU RAMBLE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL! WHERE"S PAUL?
Dork: We had to put him in orbit.
Orcinus: I'm past pissed off. This is almost funny, now. You know, I could always count on Truman. The most epic of our kind in textual battle. But I'm pretty sure that during your watch, he's somehow fukked. Out with it, Dork, what is Truman doing?
Dork: Yeah, Truman's story is one full of pain and gnashing of teeth. He was running smack against a tard on TNW's football forum and he was subjected to some withering Minivan smack because he's a guy but he drives a minivan so he became beset by demons of the minivan kind and the minivans had dome ownership on him and it ran him kinda bad so he was milk-carton for a while because what we did was we sent him to a nice quiet place to recover...
Orcinus: Oh dear God. Couldn't ONE of you have had his back in that fight? What the fukk is WRONG with you?
Dork: No, we don't back each other up. The FECALS fight each other all the time instead. I don't know why. But hey, Truman is back and better now. It all worked out.
Orcinus: I'LL be the judge of that. Tell me about the last two members of your little FECALS club, Nixhex and RadioFan...
Dork: Our signature success story, those two. They developed a storyboard to show the Earthlink Kansas City Chieffans how WE roll when we watch and root for the Chiefs!
RadioFan: I'm Radiofan and the blonde douchebag next to me is Nixhex. We're gonna show you how we roll. First thing: we wear the gear of Chief's rivals. It gives us double inverse obverse reverse tard-of-the-universe KARMA.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: First we fukkin kill something for luck and stuff. Plus it's fun.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: Then we turn on the t.v. That's hard and stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: Our defense gives up the MOST points. They have big scoreboard, and stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: This never happens, Sayin'. And stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: This is what it's like to root for the Chiefs when they're on offense.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: Sometimes the offense part gets exciting like when the Chiefs quarterback gets sacked. YAY! and stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: When the Chiefsgames are thankfully over, we celebrate with the O-Face dance. O O O O OO OO OO O OO O O OOOOOOO and stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
RadioFan: Then we hit the showers together to prepare for the best part. And stuff.
Nixhex: Heh heh, yeah, what he said.
Dork: We now play Lights Out! Flip the switch guys, flip the switch!
Orcinus: Dork, .... You FUKKING SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You and your team are on earth to investigate the earthling Chieffans and their ways. You're not there to flip each others' switches, work at burger king, get committed, be unnoticeable, get so fat you can't move, design like a fierce fag or do idiotic plagiarized cartoons to tell THEM terrestrials about US. What the fukk have you LEARNED?
Dork: Learn?
Orcinus: YES! LEARN! You know, find out, acquire information, discover, ascertain. Anything?
Dork: Hmmm... that's tough. Don't think I've ever done any of THAT.
Orcinus: NOTHING???
Orcinus: You're the biggest retard on any planet.
Dork: Oh wait there was one thing I learned! ....
Dork: It's fun being a Denver Bronco Cheerleader! The have flattering outfits.
Orcinus: Fukk this. Just sign off, Dork.
Dork: This is Dork, signing off...
nano-nano!
Orcinus: Now say the closing the way the earthling KC Fans do it!
Dork: OK! This is Dork, signing off...
I know you are, but what am I?
velocet
