T1B

When I was a kid I hated the stuff. It literally made me gag.

Since then, though, I've learned to love me some asparagus. Espcially the morning after-effects. It's gotta be fresh, though, don't try to give me any canned or jarred mush.

It seems like there are two varieties, the real thick kind and the real skinny kind. They're both good in their own way. I've found that the easiest way to fix it is to break off the bottom ends, put it in a covered dish with a little water, and steam it in the microwave until it's just starting to loose it's crispness. Over cook it and it's fucked up. This way is faster and just as good as steaming conventionally. Normally I just serve it with melted butter and a little soy sauce.

You can also cut it up and stir fry, but I've found that a lot of it's innate deliciousness gets lost if it's mixed up with a lot of other stuff.

One other method that i've used a few times lately is to grill it. You have to use the thick variety for this. Toss with a little EVOO seasoned with salt, pepper and maybe some garlic. Put it on the grill and turn it so that it doesn't get too crispy on any side. This is really good stuff, but you have to watch it closely so you don't burn it.

Asparagus needs to be really fresh or it will taste like crap. I can usually get really good spears at the local farmers' market on Saturday morning.

Any other asparagus eaters out there with good ways of fixing the stuff?

Mikey wrote:One other method that i've used a few times lately is to grill it. You have to use the thick variety for this. Toss with a little EVOO seasoned with salt, pepper and maybe some garlic. Put it on the grill and turn it so that it doesn't get too crispy on any side. This is really good stuff, but you have to watch it closely so you don't burn it.

This is pretty much the only way I cook it besides the occasional stir fry. I use EVOO, Balsamic Vinegar, S&P, freshly minced garlic (not that jarred shit) and soy sauce as my marinade. Cooks up great on the weber-queue or charcoal. I eat this at least once a week. Pisses me off when the thin shit is all that is at the store, but if you grill it perpindicular to your grill grates, it is perfectly fine. I just prefer the thick because the marinade caramelizes more because it takes longer to cook them. I love that taste.

Cream of asparagus soup. I probably have the recipe at home. If I couldn’t find the recipe, I’d search some out, like say:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/104746" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Cream-of-F ... etail.aspx" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/cream- ... recipe.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I’d read through each of them (they’re somewhat similar), take what I like from each, and construct a good recipe. Good fucking soup.

Let's not be so quick to dismiss pickled spiced asparagus.


Gus is good cooked in a really hot pan, with very little oil, seasoned with sea salt and pepper. Get the pan smoking, just barely carmelize it on two sides... yummy... if you can't cook it with fire, of course.


Overcooked, undercooked, raw -- I loves me some asparagus.

Wash and snap off ends.

Put on rimmed baking sheet. Toss with EVOO, season liberally with salt and pepper.

Roast at 400 for 12-15 minutes. Stir/toss. Roast 12 or so more minutes.

HANDS DOWN the best way to make asparagus, with grilled being a close second.

Additional seasonings include various dried herbs (added before cooking) or grated parmesan cheese (added after cooking).

Well, my FAVORITE is to simply snap a few spears right out of the garden and eat 'em right there.
Otherwise, doused with a bit of olive oil, salt, pepper, and seasoning (whatever suits you) and tossing onto the grill.

And yes, overcooked asparagus is the sux.

great thread, michael. took the words out of my mouth in your first sentence. it's probably the best veggie you can have with dinner. i think pork tenderloin and asparagus is a great combo, and i never thought of adding soy sauce to the butter with the 'gus.

great thread. does this mean eventually i'm going to like artichoke hearts. gaaaack

Bacon wrapped and grilled. Out-Fucking-Standing.

Battered (tempura), fried, and topped with a lemon-butter Crab topping and parmigiano-reggiano. MONEY!

Par-boiled, then a quick pan sear with EVOO, Garlic and lemon juice. Then topped with Sel Gris. Quick, easy, and awesome!


Those are about the only ways I cook it. The wifey does one like PPanther that's pretty good, but I like the 3 ways above better.

I'm trying to think of a way to do it up with prosciutto, 'cause it seems like those flavors would go well together.

Maybe steam the 'gus, chill it, and then wrap with the ham. I don't like cooking the prosciutto because then it's no longer prosciutto, IMO.

All these recommendations must truly mean this is the dawning of the day of asparugus.

Dinsdale wrote:All these recommendations must truly mean this is the dawning of the day of asparugus.

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions


...nah...not here.

The bacon wrapped and grilled is close. I use a thin, Center cut bacon, and the juxtaposition of flavors is outstanding. I'm sure prosciutto would have that same effect. I'd go with a cold application of the 'gus. Like a lightly pickled spear. Or par-boiled, wrapped, then chilled.


And Rack 5th Dimensionsdale

Had the asparagus in a stir fry tonight.

Beef Tenderloin
Shrimp
Garlic
Green Pepper
Yellow Onion
Shallot
Jalapeno
Zucchini
Yellow Squash
Broccoli

Sauce:
Soy
Wasabi
Chinese Hot Mustard
Sesame Oil
Chili Oil
Garlic Wok Oil
Pepper
Fish Sauce
Chinese 5 spice

Put some canola in the wok. Threw in onion. Cooked 2 minutes. Threw in jalapeno and green pepper. Cooked another minute. Threw in garlic and shallot. Cooked a couple more minutes. Threw in broccoli, zucchini and squash. Cooked another couple minutes.

Spread veggies around wok and tossed in thinly sliced beef tenderloin and shrimp. Cooked about 3 minutes and mixed it all up. Threw in sauce and cooked another two minutes and added some red pepper flakes.

Awesome. Ate with chop stix.

IndyFrisco wrote:Ate with chop stix.

Maybe it's a regional thing, since the U&L did Chinese instead of Africans, and it's fairly Chinese around here, moreso than most places, but anyway...


Here in the U&L, there's a special name for roundeye who eat with chopsticks...


'Round these parts, we call him "a fucking douchebag." And at a certain percentage of Chinese restaurants, that guy also goes by the name "loogie eater."


But I suppose in less Chinese-influenced regions, things might be different.

Good thing I don't live in the U(ltimate)&L(osers) because I'd have to kick someone's ass for bitching about my choice of eating utensils.

Why the fuck would anyone care?

How do you eat sushi? Knife and fork? Or is that just called bait to you guys?

Not sure it is a regional thing because I lived in Texas and folks ate with stix there too without fear of being called [gasp]a fucking douchebag.[/gasp]

IndyFrisco wrote:Why the fuck would anyone care?

Geez, I try and help a guy out, and you're busting my chops... ticks. Or something.

I mean, is it entirely outside of the realm of possibility that you might someday find yourself in the U&L eating Chinese food?

While maybe a longshot... could happen.

And in the unlikely event that this scenario comes to fruition, do you really want Ling firing up the BSmack signal to the kitchen and the hocking to commence, due to roundeye abusing the sticks?

I'd think not.

Help me help you, bro.


Could happen.

How do you eat sushi?

You know, if I was a nanny-state guy, that shit would be outlawed. The amount of foodborne illnesses transmitted by sushi is staggering. A friend of mine ended up in the hospital, which they suspected a possible foodborne illness... first freaking question they asked him was "So, had any sushi lately?"

Bad idea. And it supports the Moonies (they own pretty much erery sushi distributor in the country, or so a big article in the local rag a while back claimed), who openly plot to overtake the United States. It's freaking unAmerican.

Or is that just called bait to you guys?

Why, they been hitting on it?

We regularly eat asparagus in my house. Our method of cooking is to grill it first for a few minutes, and then drizzle the stalks with olive oil/salt/pepper/garlic powder concoction. Grill for a few more minutes, take them off, sprinkle a bit of freshly shaved parmesan cheese all over the bastards and serve them next to a medium-rare steak.

Good stuff.

Mikey wrote:I'm trying to think of a way to do it up with prosciutto, 'cause it seems like those flavors would go well together.

Maybe steam the 'gus, chill it, and then wrap with the ham. I don't like cooking the prosciutto because then it's no longer prosciutto, IMO.

I've seen lots of "recipes" for prosciutto-wrapped asparagus. I am pretty sure Giada has one on foodtv.com and I'm sure it's quite delicious... give it a look!

pp, I used your oven roasted version the other night. Just EVOO, s&p, and I added a little garlic. What a great flavor.

Asparagus is pretty awesome. Steamed is OK, but, grilled is wayyyy better.

Somebody mentioned having it in the garden. Is it hard to grow? Will it grow in shitty new england dirt?

And yes, mike, that fukking minced garlic in the big jar should be outlawed. I bought a jar maybe 10 years ago. It was the sukk. For some reason, that amount of time was sufficient to dull my recollection of exactly how sukky it was and I bought another jar a few weeks ago.

It still sukks. I hate throwing away food, but, that shit ain't food, so I may toss it today.

smackaholic wrote:Asparagus is pretty awesome. Steamed is OK, but, grilled is wayyyy better.

Somebody mentioned having it in the garden. Is it hard to grow? Will it grow in shitty new england dirt?

Asparagus is hardy as hell. Nails in the garden. Not necessarily picky about soil type either... although if it is clay-based, it would help to amend the soil with compost or loam of some type.

The suck is that after planting in the spring (you can easily find bare root asparagus at local garden centers), you shouldn't harvest at all that spring/summer. Second year, only harvest sparingly (this to allow the plant to establish and strengthen). Third year... have at it.

Just had some asparagus on the grill the other day. Bit of EVOO, seasoned, then to the grill, just for a bit longer than it takes to obtain sear markings. Good shit, there.

Dinsdale wrote: Geez, I try and help a guy out, and you're busting my chops... ticks. Or something.

I mean, is it entirely outside of the realm of possibility that you might someday find yourself in the U&L eating Chinese food?

While maybe a longshot... could happen.

And in the unlikely event that this scenario comes to fruition, do you really want Ling firing up the BSmack signal to the kitchen and the hocking to commence, due to roundeye abusing the sticks?

I'd think not.

Help me help you, bro.


Could happen.

They spit in your food in Chinese restaurants in Oregon if you eat with chopsticks?! Nice, classy state you've got there. Make sure to put that in the brochure.

In CA, most Chinese restaurants don't even GIVE you a fork...you have to ask for one if you're unable to handle the chopsticks. Additionally, it's pretty much tradition here that when you're in a particular ethnic restauarant that you adopt the habits of that culture while you're there. Wait, don't tell me, the U&L invented that concept too! Sorry, but U&L residents at middle eastern restaurants who wipe their asses with their hands don't count.

You know, if I was a nanny-state guy, that shit would be outlawed. The amount of foodborne illnesses transmitted by sushi is staggering. A friend of mine ended up in the hospital, which they suspected a possible foodborne illness... first freaking question they asked him was "So, had any sushi lately?"

Bad idea. And it supports the Moonies (they own pretty much erery sushi distributor in the country, or so a big article in the local rag a while back claimed), who openly plot to overtake the United States. It's freaking unAmerican.

I've eaten sushi for 25 years and haven't been sick from it once.

Staying away from the ER while eating sushi is pretty simple:

- If it smells "fishy", don't eat it
- Good sushi places are always packed. If the place is deserted, don't eat there.
- If you eat at a place that is always busy, they have a high-turnover of their fish-on-hand and will therefore serve fresher fish(another reason to avoid above restaurants)
- In general, eat someplace within an hour or so of a fishing port, so you're likely to get fish caught that day. You can eat sushi in OKC if you want to, but I won't be joining you.
- Stay away from most all-you-can-eat places, unless they charge what you'd normally pay for a meal (~$25). Any good, reputable sushi place doesn't need to lure in the fatasses with the A-Y-C-E gimmick to stay in business.
- Stay away from places with Mexican or otherwise non-japanese sushi chefs. This is getting tougher to do in CA these days, but since learning to handle and properly cut raw fish in Japan takes 5 years +, I don't really want a guy who learned how to do it in a weekend making my uncooked grub, thanks.

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As for asparagus, I like to do it two ways:

- Sauteed with butter and garlic, S&P on the stove
- Grilled with a little bit of canola oil, garlic salt and pepper, then drizzled with EVOO prior to serving. I find that EVOO tends to get bitter when cooked at high temperatures, unless it's used on something big, like a bird, where the heat is more evenly distributed.

I love asparagus, but the smell it taints your piss with freaks me out.

PSUFAN wrote:I love asparagus, but the smell it taints your piss with freaks me out.

Yeah, but the post-drip in the undies leaves a nice yellow front wheeled skidmark. Pretty impressive to have 4WD skidmarks.

IndyFrisco wrote:

PSUFAN wrote:I love asparagus, but the smell it taints your piss with freaks me out.

Yeah, but the post-drip in the undies leaves a nice yellow front wheeled skidmark. Pretty impressive to have 4WD skidmarks.

dude, them front wheel skid marks ain't piss. you just looking at too much pron.

the smell is pretty freaky though. wtf is it that does it? other green veggies like brocolli do it a bit, but, nothing like asparagus.

Google is your fliend.

In a long article, here's what it boils down to. The answer is "no one really knows" but lots of guesses have been made.

So what exactly is this stinky chemical? The answer is a matter of dispute, with a surprising number of scientists weighing in. There are a number of fancy machines and complex techniques that are used to identify the chemical makeup of a substance, but none of them will tell you which of the numerous chemicals in a urine sample is causing a certain smell! A veritable laundry list of chemicals has been proposed as the offender, with some suggesting it may be a combination of many. All agree it is likely some sulphur-containing compound, one likely contender being asparagusic acid (3).

Try this and you wont eat it any other way

Drizzle a combination of sesame oil and toasted sesame seeds and finely chopped garlic over your asparagus. The younger thinner stalks work best. Use 2 thin skewers and slide 4-5 stalks onto them perpendicular so you have an asparagus "raft". The raft ensures no asparagus falls through the grill and makes them super easy to turn. Grill on high until asparagus has nice char marks and is tender. Sprinkle with more toasted sesame seeds.

The asparagus soaks up the nutty flavor of the oil and seeds better than most veggies on a grill. Enjoy.

That does sound good cicatrix, will probably try that this weekend. Gave ppanther's version a try a few weeks ago and that was some damn good stuff. :paul:

These are both gonna definitely get a shot.


As soon as the kitchen is functional.

Asparagus is the shiznit.

I usually just steam it, then mix with EVOO and S&P. It's not my favorite way to eat it, but that's a real quick and easy method. This thread has brought forth some great ideas. I'll try pp's method next time.

I just had some great 'gus last night. I blanched the spears, tossed them real quick with EVOO, garlic, sea salt and a touch of green peppercorn, then threw them on the grill...mighty fine.

Had some the other night which I fixed thusly:

Cut the edible portion of the asparagus spears into 2" pieces.
Saute a bunch of fresh shiitake mushrooms in a mixture of 1/2 butter and 1/2 EVOO, a little minced garlic and about 1/2 cup of white wine.
Throw in the asparagus for the last 4 or 5 minutes and cook until just losing its crunchiness.

Pretty damn good combo with the shiitakes.

Served alongside some center cut pork loin chops seasoned with Scott's lemon pepper seasoning and grilled over mesquite.

Mikey wrote:Served alongside some center cut pork loin chops grilled seasoned with Scott's lemon pepper seasoning over mesquite.

Mikey,

Check my pork loin marinade/recipe in the Books and Films forum.

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=31736

Yeah that sounds good. Rotisserie cooking rocks - basic set and forget it (at least for a while).

I do an occasional boneless leg of lamb or a couple of whole chickens on the spit. I'll have to try the pork now too.

Do you have any go to seasoning or marinade for rotisserie chicken?

I like the center cut pork chops (gotta be the "thick" cut) because, sort of like a beef T-bone, you get a hunk of the loin on one side of the bone and a nice piece of the tenderloin on the other. Makes for a nice plate.

My Go To seasoning is Tony's. I can get it at any Walmart. As it says...great on everything.



I like to take Tony's and mix in a teaspoon of cumin for every tablespoon of Tony's.

As for pork, I use a TON of this:



www.buttrub.com you won't be dissapointed. I use on pork chops, shoulders, loins, etc.

Ah, remember my beer butt chicken thread? As you see, I use me some Tony's AND Butt Rub on the chicken.







The T1B potato in the neck.















Served with Brent's BBQ Sauce of course.





Good meal with some Grilled Corn.

that beer but chicken kinda looks like a budda statue in the last few pics. A damn tasty budda statue.

Shoulda dumped that beer butt chicken in the PET contest thread.

A friend cooked chicken like that for me in Canada
but he called it sodomized chicken