How I got over on the Nationals
Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:04 pm
When I went to the game Monday, I noticed when the guy checked my backpack, he only checked the big part, not the smaller pouch in the front. Unfortunately, the closest liquor store to my place (period, and not just the one that sells 22oz singles) is off U St, which is a few stops down from my stop on the green line. I stopped off there to get the singles on my way back home. I wrapped those bad boys in newspaper to insulate them, and put them in my front pouch. I left only a newspaper section in the big part of my backpack to speed up the process.
So I'm rolling up to the gate, and I open the big part of my backpack for the guy checking bags. All is well, until he starts patting it down and seems to touch the front of my bag. He grabs the bottom near the front and goes "What's in here? Is this a bottle of water?" I didn't have any water, and I was two seconds away from just giving up the beers, but then I remembered, I keep an umbrella at the bottom of my bag. I whipped it out and he waived me in. RACK ME. Let me mention I'm saving the beer cup they gave me so I will not even be buying beer at the ballpark anymore. The only expense I'll have for a ball game are the $5 ticket, $3.25 for two 22oz budweisers from a party store, and metro fare (i'm buying unlimited week-long passes as of now). Anything else is of my discretion.
After purchasing my $7.50 budweiser (conveniently in a red plastic Nats cup), I went and sat down. After half a beer, I realized I needed a dip, so I went on my way to find a spitter. Then came an incident straight out of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I go up to a concession stand and ask these ghetto n...iggers for a courtesy cup. "What?" A courtesy cup. "We don't do that. You have to pay for it." I go "excuse me?" He goes "you got to buy a drink if you want a cup." So I go "Pfffft. You expect me to pay for a cup?" And walk away, he said something to me, but I couldn't recall it. So I walk to concession stands down to the "bar stand" and ask the guy for a courtesy cup. Not only does the guy (he's also black, but understands what "customer service" is) just hand me one right away, but he gives me the little plastic one with the "W" on it that they give you mixed drinks in. Niiiiice.
So in true Larry David (UMD grad) style, I roll back to the concession stand where the ghetto n...iggers were working and showed them the cup, saying "Hey, how much do you guys think I paid for this? C'mon, tell me." The guy starts flailing his arms (Menace II Society style) and yelling "We don't care! That's not how we do it down here." I go, "Oh, OK. 'Down here.' Right. C'mon, guess how much." I'm standing there waiving it at them. This guy's getting pissed. He's yelling "We don't care how much you paid for it!" I ask "Haven't you guys heard of a term called 'Customer Service?'" The guy is still yelling at me, flailing his arms. I swear if I did this on the street to this guy, he'd probably have shot me. I was a split second from saying "Have fun working the grill, fellas. I'm going to go enjoy the game," but that would have been stupid as I plan on seeing a lot more games this year and don't want any more run-ins with these dipshits.
So I'm rolling up to the gate, and I open the big part of my backpack for the guy checking bags. All is well, until he starts patting it down and seems to touch the front of my bag. He grabs the bottom near the front and goes "What's in here? Is this a bottle of water?" I didn't have any water, and I was two seconds away from just giving up the beers, but then I remembered, I keep an umbrella at the bottom of my bag. I whipped it out and he waived me in. RACK ME. Let me mention I'm saving the beer cup they gave me so I will not even be buying beer at the ballpark anymore. The only expense I'll have for a ball game are the $5 ticket, $3.25 for two 22oz budweisers from a party store, and metro fare (i'm buying unlimited week-long passes as of now). Anything else is of my discretion.
After purchasing my $7.50 budweiser (conveniently in a red plastic Nats cup), I went and sat down. After half a beer, I realized I needed a dip, so I went on my way to find a spitter. Then came an incident straight out of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I go up to a concession stand and ask these ghetto n...iggers for a courtesy cup. "What?" A courtesy cup. "We don't do that. You have to pay for it." I go "excuse me?" He goes "you got to buy a drink if you want a cup." So I go "Pfffft. You expect me to pay for a cup?" And walk away, he said something to me, but I couldn't recall it. So I walk to concession stands down to the "bar stand" and ask the guy for a courtesy cup. Not only does the guy (he's also black, but understands what "customer service" is) just hand me one right away, but he gives me the little plastic one with the "W" on it that they give you mixed drinks in. Niiiiice.
So in true Larry David (UMD grad) style, I roll back to the concession stand where the ghetto n...iggers were working and showed them the cup, saying "Hey, how much do you guys think I paid for this? C'mon, tell me." The guy starts flailing his arms (Menace II Society style) and yelling "We don't care! That's not how we do it down here." I go, "Oh, OK. 'Down here.' Right. C'mon, guess how much." I'm standing there waiving it at them. This guy's getting pissed. He's yelling "We don't care how much you paid for it!" I ask "Haven't you guys heard of a term called 'Customer Service?'" The guy is still yelling at me, flailing his arms. I swear if I did this on the street to this guy, he'd probably have shot me. I was a split second from saying "Have fun working the grill, fellas. I'm going to go enjoy the game," but that would have been stupid as I plan on seeing a lot more games this year and don't want any more run-ins with these dipshits.