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A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 5:56 pm
by Dinsdale
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) _ A man who pleaded guilty to an Oregon murder in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.

Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York last month admitted to fatally shooting Adam Calbreath in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. Durham later changed his mind, but the company wouldn't provide a refund.

The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for the owner.

Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder last month, but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed, and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.

After Wednesday's sentencing, his defense attorney confirmed, Durham gets the rest of the deal — calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream.

Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the courthouse in Portland. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.

Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals.

Lamborn said Durham — who has asked to serve his sentence close to New York — caused trouble during his two years in the county jail. Durham faked suicide, choked an inmate half his size until the inmate passed out, threatened to hijack a jail transport vehicle and broke a window in an attempt to escape.

At Wednesday's sentencing, the father of Adam Calbreath told the judge to put "this animal" where he belongs.

"You hear that?" Michael Calbreath asked Durham. "I called you an animal."

Durham showed little reaction to the remarks. Soon after, he read a written statement, turning toward Calbreath at the end.

"I want to apologize for the pain that I have caused to those people who knew and cared for Adam Calbreath," Durham said. "I hope that by accepting responsibility for my actions, by abandoning my trial and my appeals and by accepting a sentence of life in prison, it will help to bring closure to everyone."


The jokes may now begin writing themselves...



Here, I'll start:


No watermelon?

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:01 pm
by RumpleForeskin
The sound you hear is my wife's car screeching off to a nearby criminal courthouse to plead guilty to numerous crimes.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:03 pm
by PSUFAN
The question now is...when Rumps gets racks for Mt. RumpleLeviathan resets, do those resets decrease overall?

I'll leave you to ponder that. I need to go back and wipe again.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:13 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:do those resets decrease overall?
It took me nearly two years, but I think I get it now.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:32 pm
by PSUFAN
It took me nearly two years, but I think I get it now.
We all saw the pic. It's obvious that the tunneling would take a while. Enjoy your hard-fought marital bliss...and pray the tunnel supports hold.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:34 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:and pray the tunnel supports hold.

I feel like Bronson in The Great Escape. I can't last down here much longer.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:36 pm
by PSUFAN
Orgasms are "little deaths"...for most folks. In your case, the death would be crushingly massive...but mercifully rapid.

Do you go in with a flare gun, and are the neighbors up to speed on the evac plan?

Details, my friend.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:44 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:In your case, the death would be crushingly massive...but mercifully rapid.
Not necessarily the case all the time. Once in a while a cyst will start growing in the flesh causing the walls to cave in slowly. I barely got out of there with my hat last time this happened.

Details, my friend.
The guano is soft, but difficult to walk in. It's like trying to run on Buttsy's stomach after he just went on a 24 hour wing binge.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:46 pm
by PSUFAN
trying to run on Buttsy's stomach
Hey, at least the sidelines don't crowd you.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:49 pm
by RumpleForeskin
I like the pattern....kind of messes with your head.


Image

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:54 pm
by PSUFAN
So...you can bring a date to the coitus session, eh? Handy.

Is there a trampoline beneath the man in the canoe?

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:56 pm
by PSUFAN
I figured she was a squirter...but whitewater? I'd be jealous, if I didn't have some well-documented laundry challenges...

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:00 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:Is there a trampoline beneath the man in the canoe?
No. It's mostly plankton and crustaceans.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:02 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:I'd be jealous, if I didn't have some well-documented laundry challenges...

I figured you would nix the tube and use her as a bidet.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:36 pm
by PSUFAN
RumpleForeskin wrote:
PSUFAN wrote:I'd be jealous, if I didn't have some well-documented laundry challenges...

I figured you would nix the tube and use her as a bidet.
What - and replace the poop with RumpleEjaculate stalactites? Not down.

Now THIS is how you do a glass dick thread.

Re: A gift for Pikkkle

Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:40 pm
by RumpleForeskin
PSUFAN wrote:RumpleEjaculate stalactites?
Stalagmites, dawg. My squid develops from the cave ground.