T1B

You love you some Herbstreit. And please, no comments about the gelled hair. You aren’t fooling anyone. You’re jealous. You’d gel your pubes with hot kitchen grease if it meant taking Kirk Herbstreit’s job for 15 minutes.

Why do you think your girlfriend lets you watch College Gameday, you dense fuck? Because while you’re busy geeking out over which cartoon-animal-face Lee Corso is going to put on top of his head, she’s going for an imaginary ride on Kirk Herbsteit’s pelvis.

You think you’re jealous? How do you think other former mediocre Ohio State quarterbacks feel? How fucking pissed would you be if you were Craig Krenzel? While Herbstreit is out smashing on hot Big-12 puss, you’re sitting at home jerking it to the 2002 calendar year and having wet dreams about phantom pass interference calls.

There are some things that are just meant to be mooched. WiFi. Cigarettes. Domestic fridge beer. And campus-tailgate HDTVs.

You know. You’re tailgating it up in a grass field full of tents as far as the eye can see. You were too lazy to get into town early, but you know a buddy who knows a guy who knows a guy who has a tailgate. And an hour after you roll into to town, you roll by the tent.

The HD is just sitting there. Big, bright, shiny. Go ahead. Mooch it. Ask the score. Squint. Lurk. Who gives a fuck if you don't know the tent owner from Adam? That's not what's important here.

What's important here is that it's 6:48 left in the 4th and Ole Miss is about to go up on Georgia.

'Hey, does anyone know the Ole Miss-Georgia score?'

Yea, the guy with the giant fucking TV knows it. Now quit asking questions and go mooch the HD.

The owner of the HD wants you to mooch it. The HD itself wants you to mooch it.

It’s like a girl in a hoochie skirt at a nightclub. Do you think she spent all that time picking out her slut-gear and putting on her slut-gear and hiking-up her slut-gear and setting up her slut-gear... so that guys WOULDN’T stare at it?

Of course not. She wants you to stare at it. And not just one or two guys. Every guy who walks by it. She brought it out in public for that exact reason.

Sure, you stare at it long enough and she’ll turn around and give you a look. Don’t be fooled. She loves it. She loves the attention.

It’s the same way with tailgate HD. Mooch and mooch hard.