T1B

Word has it that Obama is getting ready to ban aspirin.

"Why" you ask?


Because its white and it works.

Word has it that North Korea is really intimidated by Prez Obama

Courtesy Bump

This thread needs help. You can thank me later.

A Big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Alabama. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys inthe United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alabama. We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the
lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket,he said, "O'kay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.

great story, please continue

Sirfindafold wrote:Word has it that Obama is getting ready to ban aspirin.

"Why" you ask?


Because its white and it works.

I heard that it was because "those cotton-picking days are over!"

Shut up, Diego. Just fucking shut the fuck up.

Next time you get the urge to hit submit, think twice and then shut off your computer. You add nothing to this board and subtract much

that'll rack

He began his day with an 8-pound walleye on the first cast and a 7-pounder on the second. On the third cast he had just caught his first-ever walleye weighing over 11 pounds when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident, and was in critical condition in the ICU. The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up, he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever on the water. He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a stringer like he'd never seen with 3 walleyes over 10 pounds. He was jubilant. It was then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty, he sped to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor outside her room and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your fishing trip, didn't you?! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the lake, your wife has been languishing in the ICU. It's just as well you went ahead and finished because it will be more than likely the last fishing trip you ever take.
For the rest of her life, she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her caregiver forever!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just messin' with ya... she's dead. What did you catch?"

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Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...




'Well, fuckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

Pretty soon there's going to be a limit on these threads, shitheads. This shit is KILLING our bottom line.

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods, the golfer."

"Well, he's rich, famous, and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone.

"What are you doing now?" she asks.

"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.

Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"