T1B

Within five minutes of getting back I had to make a Jamaican swimming team.

Nice. Is that an R-Jack original?

Dear God that just made my fucking morning. Tears Jerry. tears.

Keerist. Celebrating a coffee break dump? Act like you've been there before. Don't stop and admire the skids in your pants. Just hustle back to that checkout stand and continue pilfering those economically priced "fiber-rich" Three Muskateers bars with the slight of hand sweep into the relaxed fit khaki Dockers. 201? Pfffft!
.
.
.

R-RACK!

Reminds me of an SNL classic:


http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=17012

First 2 paragraphs: D-
Rest of it: Unreadable

Nice going you horse fucking pedo.

Moving Sale wrote:First 2 paragraphs: D-
Rest of it: Unreadable

Nice going you horse fucking pedo.

Translation from Midget - 2 thumbs up!

Big rack.

she was making that same crinkled nose and furrowed brow “I smell shit” look that Dick Vermeil would always make when he paced the sidelines.

I would’ve done the slow walk to first if I had room in the stall, so I had to settle for walking out with one flap down like Jeffery Leonard in 1987.

I'm always on-board with R-Jack's disgusting stories/sports analogies.

PSUFAN wrote: Midget

Translation from PenisSuckingUFAN:" I got nothing but 5th Grade humor. Shoot me."

Van wrote:I'm always on-board with R-Jack's disgusting stories/sports analogies.

Because you are a tard.

I enjoy a good sports analogy. Sue me. "'Flaps down' with Jeffrey Leonard" takes will always work for me, and I know exactly what he's talking about, with the sour Dick Vermiel face.

Moving Sale wrote:Translation from PenisSuckingUFAN:" I got nothing but 5th Grade humor. Shoot me."

Better than 5th grade height, no?

Moving Sale wrote:First 2 paragraphs: D-
Rest of it: Unreadable
Nice going you horse fucking pedo.
Because you are a tard.
I got nothing but 5th Grade humor. Shoot me."

And you say R Jacks take is unreadable ?

His may be disgusting..but it does have a bit of a funny story line to it..which yours never have or will have.

How shocking that someone posts a story on shit and who knows shit better than the fly's buzzing and landing on it all day like you.

Carry on Kettle.

IndyFrisco wrote:

Moving Sale wrote:Translation from PenisSuckingUFAN:" I got nothing but 5th Grade humor. Shoot me."

Better than 5th grade height, no?

Oh I get it you think that more 5th Grade humor is going to resurrect this shit thread. You're not too smart.


Derron,
I'm sure YOU would rather read about taking a shit over just about anything else so I'm not surprised you found the Pedo in Rodeo's post amusing.

Moving Sale wrote:

IndyFrisco wrote:

Moving Sale wrote:Translation from PenisSuckingUFAN:" I got nothing but 5th Grade humor. Shoot me."

Better than 5th grade height, no?

Oh I get it you think that more 5th Grade humor is going to resurrect this shit thread. You're not too smart.


Derron,
I'm sure YOU would rather read about taking a shit over just about anything else so I'm not surprised you found the Pedo in Rodeo's post amusing.

No... I would rather read every post where every one else including me hands your ass to you in every post. When the Board Bitch jumps in, a plungering is about to happen..you do remember you were voted Board Bitch right ?? How does that feel anyway..?

How about you start a thread where you smack about how you get over with your "vapid racist fuck hole" smack ??

Because you have had the plunger daily and keep coming back for more..but R Jacks office dump thread is a hell of a lot more entertaining than ANYTHING you have ever posted..just sucks to have no game..

I started to read R-Jacks post this morning while on break and wolfing down a McSkillet burrito. I only made it halfway thru the first paragraph before bailing, but damn sure finished that burrito while moving on to other news of the day.

Note to self: Avoid R-Jack thread topics when eating breakfast.

War Wagon wrote:I started to read R-Jacks post this morning while on break and wolfing down a McSkillet burrito.

Shocking...Mid West blue collar worker eating an 900 calorie " snack" at break.

Cracker Barrel at lunch ?

Another 1200 calorie lunch ?

I rarely miss an R-Jack thread.


Proper.

mvscal wrote:Dumbass. Under those circumstances, you're supposed to go back to your office, shut the door and shit in your trashcan.

Only if you're a masochist, you fuckwit. The skillful maneuver is to find an unoccupied office (boss's is best) and pinch one off in his waste basket. No sense in befouling your own work space.

I don't talk about shit taking very much, but if R-Jack's take on this is the norm, then I gotta be the all-time king of shit-takers. To wit:

R-Jack wrote:I am just leaving exit wounds in my fucking toilet on a daily basis. Just yesterday I was able to take in 80 grams of fiber within 1700 calories of food. You motherfuckers can punch my ticket for Kansas City. I’m headed to the shit taking hall of fame if I keep this routine up.

If that qualifies for the shit-taking Hall of Fame, then I've already got my first-ballot ticket punched. I'd say I average about three a day. And that's when I don't have the runs, which hit me, on average, about once every other week.

Lemme ask a question here? Any of you ever take a shit so big that you after you wiped you just HAD to stare at it like you just hit a 500 ft home run and stayed in the batters box to watch it land? This was such a time. I went yard on that bowl. I would’ve done the slow walk to first if I had room in the stall, so I had to settle for walking out with one flap down like Jeffery Leonard in 1987. It took three tries to get all of that shit down the pipes.

That happens to me at least once a week. Of course, multiple flushes are the norm for me. I have Troy Polamalu-esque hair in the ass region, so of course the shit sticks to it like crazy. I burn through about a half a roll of toilet paper per dump so my boxers don't wind up looking like PSUFAN's tighty whities.

I completely did not need to read that, Terry. Holy fuck, no.

The way my system cleans itself out, it's a wonder I weigh more than about 120 pounds. Sadly, I weigh much, much more than that.

Btw, as to the second point I commented on above, every once in awhile I'll squeeze one out so big that I'm in more pain after the dump than I was before it. When that happens, I just have to sit there and rest up for another few minutes.

One of us needs to hurry up and die. I hope it's me.

I could sit here eating a cheese burger while reading R-jack's story, no problemo.

Terry's last post? Not so much. I'm not eating anything and I still wanna go puke.

We really didn't need any asshair descriptions.

Thanks for nothing.

BWAAAAA! RRRACK!

Damn, Terry...

Terry in Crapchester wrote:
That happens to me at least once a week. Of course, multiple flushes are the norm for me. I have Troy Polamalu-esque hair in the ass region, so of course the shit sticks to it like crazy. I burn through about a half a roll of toilet paper per dump so my boxers don't wind up looking like PSUFAN's tighty whities.

I think you should investigate getting a
back, sac & crack wax
you'd save a forest every year :P

I'll give R-Jack a RACK! for something that was obviously intentional, yet none of the rest of you seem to have caught

Terry in Crapchester wrote:I burn through about a half a roll of toilet paper per dump...

I see that the 'Crap in Terrychester' gloss wasn't far off the mark.

May your sewer line/septic system become clogged with Charmin and have the shit overflowing in your basement/crawl space until your gorilla wife makes you go down there and clean it up because the smell reminds her of your breath and general body odor.

missjo wrote:

Terry in Crapchester wrote:
That happens to me at least once a week. Of course, multiple flushes are the norm for me. I have Troy Polamalu-esque hair in the ass region, so of course the shit sticks to it like crazy. I burn through about a half a roll of toilet paper per dump so my boxers don't wind up looking like PSUFAN's tighty whities.

I think you should investigate getting a
back, sac & crack wax
you'd save a forest every year :P

Believe it or not, there's a lady who lives around the corner from me who does that sort of thing. In fact, her son and mine used to be bestest buds until they had a falling out this year (I saw that one coming, though, they'd been growing apart for a few years).

I'm guessing that in a year's time or so, I'd save enough on toilet paper to pay for it. I just need to figure out how long it'll last for.

War Wagon wrote:

Terry in Crapchester wrote:I burn through about a half a roll of toilet paper per dump...

I see that the 'Crap in Terrychester' gloss wasn't far off the mark.

May your sewer line/septic system become clogged with Charmin and have the shit overflowing in your basement/crawl space until your gorilla wife makes you go down there and clean it up because the smell reminds her of your breath and general body odor.

Better leave the gorilla wife smack to mvscal, wags.

Terry in Crapchester wrote: In fact, her son and mine used to be bestest buds until they had a falling out this year (I saw that one coming, though, they'd been growing apart for a few years).

Try teaching your kid not to be queer and he will be spared that agony before he even gets to tag a GIRL. Might change his outlook on life.

R-Jack wrote:Get this thing in the right direction Terry. Tell us a story about how you mooned your boss in front of a high powered fan and whipped him in the face with your assthatch from across the office.

Sorry, never had guts stupidity enough to try that one. Much as I might have liked to, at various times in my life.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:

R-Jack wrote:Get this thing in the right direction Terry. Tell us a story about how you mooned your boss in front of a high powered fan and whipped him in the face with your assthatch from across the office.

Sorry, never had guts stupidity enough to try that one. Much as I might have liked to, at various times in my life.

Possible risk of getting said ass thatch caught in the fan and winding it around your nuts, thus garroting your nuts and likely popping your eye balls out. Good call...

R-Jack wrote:I gotta admit,the goal of this thread was to spark discussion about little ways we can get over on our bosses.

How cute. Shit for brains has a boss. Your GED git you the job?

Moving Sale wrote:

R-Jack wrote:I gotta admit,the goal of this thread was to spark discussion about little ways we can get over on our bosses.

How cute. Shit for brains has a boss. Your GED git you the job?

He makes more money than you do

Derron wrote:

Terry in Crapchester wrote: In fact, her son and mine used to be bestest buds until they had a falling out this year (I saw that one coming, though, they'd been growing apart for a few years).

Try teaching your kid not to be queer and he will be spared that agony before he even gets to tag a GIRL. Might change his outlook on life.

If I could teach sexual orientation to a kid I'd be the first to do so.

In any event, the kid definitely isn't gay. That was apparent before he could even talk.

My wife's male cousin got married in April 2000. My kid was about 19 months old at the time. We took him to the ceremony, with plans to drop him off at my parents' house (my dad was still alive at the time) for the reception (adult-only).

After the ceremony, he spots a girl about his age, who turned out to be the bride's niece. Typical of a 19-month old, he couldn't yet talk, and had only been walking for a few months. So what does he do? He goes after to me, tugs at my suit coat, points in the general direction of the girl, and whimpers. I say to him, "Yeah, Terry, that's a girl." Figuring out that I have no interest in playing Cyrano to his Christian and her Roxanne, he decides his next move is to try to impress her physically. So he goes to a hill and decides he's going to run down the hill as fast as his little legs can take him. It's not much of a hill, only 2 or 3 feet high. But he'd only recently begun to walk, and worse, at the bottom of the hill was a stone patio. After watching this little spectacle in bemusement for a minute or so, I decide I'd better do something just in case he winds up taking a header onto the stone patio. So I go over and scoop him up. Of course, he starts crying immediately, and doesn't stop until we get to my parents' house.

Since that day, there's been no doubt in my mind that he's straight. Can't speak as to his erstwhile friend, though.

Terry in Crapchester wrote:Since that day, there's been no doubt in my mind that he's straight.

Or already recognizes the social value of having a beard.

Diego in Crapchester wrote:
If I could teach sexual orientation to a kid I'd be the first to do so.

Cuda wrote: He makes more money than you do

A) How the hell do you know that?
B) If it's true, so what?

mvscal wrote:

After watching this little spectacle in bemusement for a minute or so, I decide I'd better do something just in case he winds up taking a header onto the stone patio.

I'm just thankful that your little half-breed mudbaby didn't rape and murder her. I'm sure he'll get around to it eventually.

What, have you been coaching him while my back was turned?

Btw, the girl he was eyeing was also biracial.