My kids are suffering.

[Moby Dick]

Went to get the oil changed and a nail pulled out of rear driver side tire at wal-mart a few hours ago, and while we were waiting i took my 2 1/2 yr old to the toys to burn some time.

When i was a kid in the mid 80s, there were 2 toys i'd froth at the mouth to get my hands on. 1. G.I. Joes. i couldnt get enough of them, my parents would get pissed off cause when it was allowance time i'd spend it on duplicate G.I. Joes I.E Cobra B.A.T.S. or Crimson Guards guys like that to have multiple foot soldiers basically..."expendables". I LOVED GI JOES. Everyone would crack up at Christmas time at my Dad cause my grandparents would hook me up with these gigantic GI Joe tanks and space stations that he'd have to put together...

ahh the good old days.

and 2. Transformers. i could do transformers without looking at the instructions in a heartbeat. METAL PIECES..they actually had weight to them. i really wish i had those old ones from when i was a kid. I still have a big box of GI Joes and a few of the small tanks i let the boys play with.


Now...my beef. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE THEY DONE TO THE TOYS OF MY YOUTH?! i bought my oldest (8 yrs old) the SEVEN dollar GI JOE , which when i was a kid was like 3.75. now? fucking 6.80 ish...7 bucks after tax. No biggie tho..i understand inflation. I bough my youngest the cheapo ripoff GI Joe (that came with a red jet with missles and shit). for 6 dollars...like 6.50 after tax.

After having the both of them clean their room and take out trash etc i let them open their toys.

what a fucking rip off. The GI Joe my oldest got..(the name brand one) wouldnt even hold is fucking blow torch. yea i got him a dreadknot...and anyone who grew up in the 80s and enjoyed the fucking cartoon and comics knows..the dreadknots are the aussies that kicked alot of ass and took alot names..some of my favorite characters. this fucking toy paled in comparison of the old school toys i played with. the plastic is cheap and almost rubbery...they dont have the badass rubber band that used to be in the middle that connected the torso to the crotch (which made for badass realism). and again...THE FUCKING HAND WOUDLNT HOLD THE GODAMN GUN. I felt like a shit heel to even ask my boy to play with the damn thing.

now..on to the cheapo generic GIJoe i think they're called "marine corpse" or "the corpse" something..anyhow... i got my youngest the cheaper version of GI Joe cause honestly, he really doesnt know the difference at this age...it was sturdy, easily adjustable, his hand ACTUALLY held his gun...AND he came with a badass (altho a bit cheap looking) red jet plane with missles and shit. the cons to the generic GI Joes? they're just that...not too much detail...no rubber band in the middle for realism...BUT the better buy was definatly the crappy off brand of GI Joe.


Transformers have stayed a BIT true to the old form, minus the metal and weight to 'em. they're very easy to break.


these kids growing up with these piss poor made toys are suffering.

[smackaholic]

it's dreadnought. Or are the folks at mattel really shitty spellers too?

[Moby Dick]

it's dreadnought. Or are the folks at mattel really shitty spellers too?

eh, eye think ur rite.

[Left Seater]

If we are talking a walk down toy memory lane, I used to love the plastic green army men. My friends and I would design shelters for them and then we would take turns shooting at each others "Bases" with our BB guns. Knock one of the other guys soldiers off and you got another shot, missed and it was his turn. Last guy with soldiers standing wins.

I also had GI Joes and Transformers, but didn't like them as much as shooting shit. I also had something that I can't remember the name. The figures were much like GI Joes, but they had helmets that they could put on over their heads. They each also had a vehicle that somehow changes kinda like Transformers. The car I remember had clam shell doors and when you opened them became the wings and it could somehow fly. Believe there was a cartoon with the same name.

[smackaholic]

When I was 9 or 10, we would take hundreds of those little green army guys, a few spoons from the silverware drawer and proceed to excavate the entire back yard building forts and trenches and shit.

[Sirfindafold]

who gives a fuck?

[RJ]

I felt like a shit heel to even ask my boy to play with the damn thing.

RACK the rant, Moby. We're around the same age, because I was just like you were when it came to GI Joes and Transformers. Mix in a massive dose of Topps Baseball cards (I used to love trading cards with the other kids I played in Little League with for many years) Garbage Pail Kid cards and you've got some of my childhood as well.



The weak PC bullshit they slam on the shelf today is pathetic. Give me those real metal transformers that could choke a kid out if they swallowed the spring loaded metal/hard plastic guns that really shoot any fucking day of the week over the plastic fucking queerbot 5000's that come with lifelike wedding invitation in san francisco to its "partnerbot".


Pussies.


At least its not pokemon....holy fuck my little cousins used to drive me nuts with that stupid nonsensical shit. Rack South Park for nailing that idiotic craze in the "Chinpokomon" episode.

[Wolfman]

Toys ?? Our idea of fun was after going to see a Robin Hood movie or something like that, we'd go up to the park and cut us some stuff to make bows and arrows. Get string for the bows. Old broomsticks and trash can lids became swords and shields. One time we got the bright idea to make flaming arrows using the kerosene that heated the kitchen. As you might expect that went sour when one of those flamers went into Ernie Liesche's garage next door and caught it on fire. That was the end of the flaming arrows.

When the Whiffle ball was invented--that became the object of play--a split in half baseball bat and endless hours in the street, under the lights even with pick up ball games.

[Moby Dick]

I felt like a shit heel to even ask my boy to play with the damn thing.

Mix in a massive dose of Topps Baseball cards (I used to love trading cards with the other kids I played in Little League with for many years) Garbage Pail Kid cards and you've got some of my childhood as well.

i remember opening up my first pack of '89 tops. i was 11 and the first card on top was



greatest ...baseball card..EVAR.

he instantly became my hero. everytime i picked up a bat i was "The Thrill".

i instantly started playing 1st base and tried my hardest to bat from the left side.

[Trampis]

If we are talking a walk down toy memory lane, I used to love the plastic green army men. .

If I can remember all the way back to first grade in 76, the little green army dude with the bazooka was the one to have...followed by flame thrower guy I think....stretching the memory here, but in a pleasant way.

In kindegarden my buddy who was 6 at the time had an Evil Kneivel motorcycle windup toy. You stuck a glorified zip tie next to the rear wheel on evels bike and pulled, letting the thing go. Evel would go straight maybe 8 feet then slide out. But you see I was 5 years old, and damnit the box said it was for ages 6 and up and my a-hole buddy wouldnt let me play with it . Fuckstain just got divorced recently after his wife fucked around on him...I should call him and exact revenge for being such an a-hole at age 6.

[smackaholic]

If we are talking a walk down toy memory lane, I used to love the plastic green army men. .

If I can remember all the way back to first grade in 76, the little green army dude with the bazooka was the one to have...followed by flame thrower guy I think....stretching the memory here, but in a pleasant way.

In kindegarden my buddy who was 6 at the time had an Evil Kneivel motorcycle windup toy. You stuck a glorified zip tie next to the rear wheel on evels bike and pulled, letting the thing go. Evel would go straight maybe 8 feet then slide out. But you see I was 5 years old, and damnit the box said it was for ages 6 and up and my a-hole buddy wouldnt let me play with it . Fuckstain just got divorced recently after his wife fucked around on him...I should call him and exact revenge for being such an a-hole at age 6.

rack the evel knevel toy karma. woulda been better if you were the one fukkin' his OL.

[indyfrisco]

I also had GI Joes and Transformers, but didn't like them as much as shooting shit.

I never had GI Joe or Transformers, but I sure loved shooting shit. My favorite was catching lizzards, loosely tying kite string around its neck so as not to kill it, hang it on a low branch and shoot the fucker until it goes limp. Dad would tear my ass up every time I left a lizzard wind chime. Good times.

[BSmack]

One time we got the bright idea to make flaming arrows using the kerosene that heated the kitchen. As you might expect that went sour when one of those flamers went into Ernie Liesche's garage next door and caught it on fire. That was the end of the flaming arrows.

Good thing you didn't shoot it into Onondaga Lake or you would have burnt down the whole city.

[socal]

My favorite was catching lizzards, loosely tying kite string around its neck so as not to kill it, hang it on a low branch and shoot the fucker until it goes limp. Dad would tear my ass up every time I left a lizzard wind chime.

Pro-autoerotica as a youth? That explains a lot.

[MuchoBulls]

we would take hundreds of those little green army guys, a few spoons from the silverware drawer and proceed to excavate the entire back yard building forts and trenches and shit.

RACK!! My friends and I used to do the same thing.

[indyfrisco]

I also had GI Joes and Transformers, but didn't like them as much as shooting shit.

I never had GI Joe or Transformers, but I sure loved shooting shit. My favorite was catching lizzards, loosely tying kite string around its neck so as not to kill it, hang it on a low branch and shoot the fucker until it goes limp. Dad would tear my ass up every time I left a lizzard wind chime. Good times.

Holy fuck. You must've hung with the sociopaths who live at the end of my court who would put kittens in lunchboxes and see how far they can chuck them.

No thanks. I'll set up another Destro/Zartan vs. Snake Eyes/Duke battle.

Neh, never did anything to domestic animals, but I loved shooting lizzards, skinks, and those huge fucking grasshoppers. I was a kid raised hunting and fishing. Would I do it now? Lizzards and skinks neh, but I love shooting the grasshoppers still.

[Arch Angel]

Only critters I took shots at were the Orb Weavers (Argiopes) or what people call "writing" spiders. They made perfect targets for a BB gun.

I had the same Evel Knievel toy
Rock-em Sock-em Robot
Stretch Armstong
That noisy ass vibrating football thingy (Cowboys and Steelers Edition)
Matel handheld electronic basketball
And that insufferable but cool ass inflatable humpy dumpy that you can kick and hit and it never falls down due to the weighted bottom.

[Smackie Chan]

humpy dumpy

What is a romantic evening at the Rumplehaus?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

humpy dumpy

What is a romantic evening at the Rumplehaus?

No, 90 minutes after some cheap take-out and a box of wine with Ang.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

C'mon...it had to be said.
Don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing, you liar.

[Screw_Michigan]

I also had GI Joes and Transformers, but didn't like them as much as shooting shit.

I never had GI Joe or Transformers, but I sure loved shooting shit. My favorite was catching lizzards, loosely tying kite string around its neck so as not to kill it, hang it on a low branch and shoot the fucker until it goes limp. Dad would tear my ass up every time I left a lizzard wind chime. Good times.

No wonder you're so fucked up. It all makes perfect sense.

[JayDuck]

I also had GI Joes and Transformers, but didn't like them as much as shooting shit. I also had something that I can't remember the name. The figures were much like GI Joes, but they had helmets that they could put on over their heads. They each also had a vehicle that somehow changes kinda like Transformers. The car I remember had clam shell doors and when you opened them became the wings and it could somehow fly. Believe there was a cartoon with the same name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGPqu-G3D7Y

[Left Seater]

Thanks for the assist Jay.

[JayDuck]

Best theme song of any of the 80's toy lines.

[smackaholic]

I always thought the best toys were the family pets. They were virtually indistructable and no two were alike.

Rack.

Kitty cat used to love her pillow case rides.