T1B

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

B

5.5/6 B

B-

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

Tell me that hairdresser doesn't sound exactly like a more polite version of Dins.

how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?


none, cause watermelons dont have bones.

A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In order the figures were:
1) A Woman
2) A Donkey
3) A Shovel
4) A Fish
5) A Star of David.
After months of studying the rock and the figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old, but even so they revealed a lot about the people of that time.

1. The woman being placed first in the line of the figures indicated that
women were held in very high esteem. It was most likely a family-
oriented culture.
2. The donkey indicated they had domesticated animals. They
probably used the donkey to till the fields.
3. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
4. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised
by also reaping from the sea.
5. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious
group of people.

A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged, he said...
"I'm sorry to blow your conclusions, but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads.........
'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that beeyotch!'"

88 wrote:Why do I open and read these threads.

1. A golfing headsup
2. definite article
3. Flatfish from Hippoglossus genus

88 wrote:Why do I open and read these threads.

:doh:

especially when all you need to do to get a good laugh is look in the mirror.

Subject: Confession

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully
equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of
the finest Cuban cigars.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting these days."

The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side."

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking
of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.