T1B

First off...mother of ALL fucks. I am typing this for the second time as I had some kind of error when I posted it last.

Mikey's Kitchen Remodel PET in the cooking forum inspired me to go ahead and make a PET out of our ditch remodel project. So here goes...

I got this ditch, about 400 foot of it. The 135 foot from my driveway to my woodline I have to maintain. As you will see in these pictures, the shit ain't maintainable. I cleared it in October and stepped on about 10 snakes causing me to nearly Shrub myself. Needless to say, the unfinished basement is going to have to wait a couple years. That project got bumped back.

Day 1 - Before work begins

Now, before I show you my abortion of a ditch, let me show you my neighbor's. Had the lezbo couple who I bought the house from maintained their ditch like they were supposed to, mine would look like this. Not too fun to mow but maintainable. Fuck them. Not only were they toobusy munching each other's carpet, their little pissfuck of a dog was munching up the carpet upstairs. We had to replace that right away. Anyhow, my neighbor's ditch...



The bitch-ditch from my yard:



Side views:







From the road. This is the eyesore of the hood.



The big dog who plans to do all the work.



His little brother.



Day two coming up...

Day two - Work has begun.

As you can see, the pipe is pretty fucking big. this is the pipe picture from yesterday:



This is the pipe today after they've dug the base out. We're putting in a 135 foot piece of 107" x 70" eliptical pipe with aluminized coating. It is broken into 3 40 foot sections and 1 15 foot section. It will be banded to the existing pipe you see here and then a neoprene-like sleeve will be added to help keep secure. Pumping the water out as it is pretty much a constant flow ditch.



Ground has been moved.



Piling the shit up on the side.



Frm the side.



jtr stars in my PET.



This old dude is one of the workers. Here's me taking a picture of him taking a picture of the ditch with his cell phone. Sorry no midgets.



Old guy was telling me all these little sinkholes that are shooting up the red clay/sand was like quicksand. He got stuck and had to be helped out.



Here's a little fish circled in red. Old dude comes over and says it is a little chub (I silently chuckle). He then goes on to tell me he's from Canada where he always got big chubs (still holding it in), and you throw your big chub on a hook, let the big ole chub play in the water and then catch [insert whatever big ass fish he called it here]. Thank God he was so excited in telling me this stoary as I busted out laughing. Pretty sure he thought I was embellishing the laughter, but it had nothing to do with that big damn fish. Little did he know...



Speaking of big chubs, this Cat sure was sporting one.



That's all for now. More tomorrow possibly. I know this is very exciting.

Rest assured - 2oolio will thieve these pics and use them on some Ren Faire board, claiming the project as his own...that's how he rolls.

Jsc810 wrote:That looks suspiciously like work.

Which is exactly why I am not doing it. I wouldn't know where to fucking begin on something like this. I've been pretty entrenched most of the way and am learning, but I've got a whole new respect for the engineers that think this shit up. It's amazing.

It it truely does have year around flow, it sounds like it would make a nice little fishing hole. That cat could knockone out in no time and if the ground is clay, it ought to even hold water.

Being close to the road though would probably create some sort of zoning issues.

smackaholic wrote:Being close to the road though would probably create some sort of zoning issues.

DINGDINGDING!

Got a 40 foot easement and a sewer line that runs parallel through the ditch. Trust me, I begged and begged the contractor to not break that sewer line and stink up the whole neighborhood. Luckily, he's the only one within 60 miles who has a ground mover this size. He's the one who put the sewer line in 4 years ago and knows exactly where it is.

Damn, Indy... how much land you got there?

If you just mowed down the weeds wouldn't it look a lot like the neighbor's?

I only have about 5 acres. 2.5 of house/lawn and 2.5 of woods. Only time I go into the woods is to gather wood for the firepit. Once the ditch is covered, it'll add 8400 more sq foot to my mowing, but will be damn worth it.

What I'm not looking forward to is watering. Seeding is no problem. Spreading the straw blankets aren't much of a problem either. Ensuring that much area gets plenty of water constantly will not only be a bitch but costly. This time of year is the worst to try to grow grass, but if I don't then rainfall will surely create another mess and wash away the dirt.

Mikey wrote:If you just mowed down the weeds wouldn't it look a lot like the neighbor's?

I wish. Due to the slope of the land, much of the ditch wall has washed into the ditch and carried away by the water. There's 3 foot deep holes in what you see there. You just can't see it because of the weeds. I put a brush remover blade attachment on my weedeater when I cleared it. I would be walking along in that shit with my eyes peeled for yet another snake, clearing the brush and then step in a huge fucking hole that I could not see and damn near drop the blade on myself.

The only thing that could have been done would be to regrade the whole thing, put up a retaining wall of concrete and then still maintain a shitty slope. When this is all done, there will just be a little swale like in the yard across my house in this pic.



So, wouldn't you rather have that kind of lawn than a steep ditch? I know I would. My neighbor who has the maintained ditch said he will probably do the same thing as me once he sees it done. I wanted to tell him he's 80 years old and to save the many thousands for something else, but he's a nice old dude.

Sweet. Good luck with the project.

Couldn't you buddy just make a couple of really big, sturdy garage helmets to lay over the ditch?

Looks like quite the job. What kind of EPA and other environmental agency hoops did you have to jump through ?

socal,

See my garage decor thread in BTPCFB forum for latest update on the helmets. Updated soon. Some mor eboring ditch pics here as well soon.

that's gotta be a pricey job. Just having that excavator sit in front of your house prolly cost many thousands a day.

smackaholic wrote:that's gotta be a pricey job. Just having that excavator sit in front of your house prolly cost many thousands a day.

unfortunately, tens of thousands for the whole job. pipe alone is two-thirds the cost including labor. 21k for the fucking pipe.

A ditch remodel? This must only be exciting to men.

trev wrote:A ditch remodel?

Allow me to translate... it's a lot like what you do to repair your oft abused manchum canal.

Hope this helps.

yeah, the kikes have nicked the hubcaps.

trev wrote:A ditch remodel? This must only be exciting to men.

Think of it as one of those shit ass reality shows when they come in and fix some sluts wardrobe, house, room, dance moves, or what have you. You know you eat that shit up.

Indy you practicing for the PET Contest? SS has to be the odds on favorite

Here is some montage music for you...
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Day 3 - The pipe arrives!

Well, day 3 is upon us. The drama is unfolding EVERYWHERE! Will it rain today causing the workers to miss a day of work? Will the connection to the old pipe work? Will it suffice for the street department and stormwater department? We'll have to see!

The day started off fantastic. I awake to my daughter's crying only to see this on the street. Woohoo!



That's one big damn pipe. This piece is only about 15 foot long with a manhole welded on. The other 3 pieces are 40 foot each.





From the inside looking through the 24" mvscal-stretched Dan Vogel-like manhole.



Mighty big "coupler" wouldn't you say?



One of the 40 foot sections.



Checked on it over lunch. Pipe is being connected.



Saw the street department leaving as I showed up. They weren't very impressed with the connection. Motherfuckers. My contracter even offered to put 6 foot of concrete around the connection to secure it. Street Dept. shaking their head. I sure as fuck hope I don't have to pull the "Do you know who I am?" card on these assholes and show them my red text.

Little brother resting ont he pipe.



Contractors having a hard time keeping the water out of the ditch. Constant water just coming up from the ground. Part of the reason why we have year round flow in this damn ditch. Clouds are moving in. Rain or shine, these guys have to get the connection secured before the heavy stuff comes in or it will buttfuck their project in the mouth.

Looking forward to seeing a tight connection when I make it home.

Riveting!!!!

The pipe arrives!

Friday already?

By Friday, the pipe should be covered with mud.

Let's see. What do we know about our little Indy?

He's pro fellatio.
He's pro sauce.
He's like a kid on Xmas morning when he receives a large pipe delivery in the morning.

And now this:

IndyFrisco wrote:By Friday, the pipe should be covered with mud.

That's what he said.

Uhh, socal, pretty sure that was a play off my Friday Night Festivus joke.

:doh:

After review, the player's foot stayed in bounds but he did not have possession.

The call on the field stands.

IndyFellatio is the still king of homo malaprops.

Fuck, Indy could host a troll stop in his back yard....and we could probably set up our own 9 hole golf course....jesus fucking christ........nice crib my man......That fucker would be worth about 5 mill in so. cal and throw in another 5 mil with all that land.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Uhh, socal, pretty sure that was a play off my Friday Night Festivus joke.

What he said.

I've done my faux pas of all faux pas's (fucking ELIMINATE me). I double-quad-secret-probation check my questionable posts now.

IndyFrisco wrote:

smackaholic wrote:that's gotta be a pricey job. Just having that excavator sit in front of your house prolly cost many thousands a day.

unfortunately, tens of thousands for the whole job. pipe alone is two-thirds the cost including labor. 21k for the fucking pipe.

Fuck me running! 30 grand for basically a landscaping job! I guess Ill have to Rack you for having the spare dough to plow into that.

BTW, If you tried that job in the northwest youd never stand a chance...for that surely must be a salmon bareing stream.

Trampis,

Yes it is a big expenditure. One we had planned on putting towards finishing the basement as I said before. However, this is the house we will have for the rest of our lives. This ditch was unacceptable. We'd rather do the ditch now and put off the basement for 2 years. Our kids are 1 and 3. The basement can wait a little for the kids to get a little older. The ditch can't.

Update on this thread in the coming minutes. I know you all cannot wait.

Lax,

I will address your "backyard" comment. Frisco "Cribs" pics to come ala Mikey's pool scene.

For Lax...

My little backyard pond.





"The Garden" the lezbos put in. I like it, but fuck if I don't spend 6 hours a week pulling weeds.



They said this thing is a pergola (sp?). Don't know what that is. I would just say gazebo. Looks cool at night though with the lights on the columns.



In the screened in porch. Vintage hot tub from 1999 but works great.



And my grill section.



More ditch news to come...(what a tease)

I was looking for the place to upload my DITCH pics...no luck. WTF?

--lk_pk

Christ Frisco......when do we move in.......The scary thing is I"m guessing that your pad probably cost around 500K? A piece of land like that in So. Cal would cost....Oh wait, we don't have near that much land. Shit there would be 5 houses on a piece of property that big.

Laxplayer wrote:Christ Frisco......when do we move in.......The scary thing is I"m guessing that your pad probably cost around 500K? A piece of land like that in So. Cal would cost....Oh wait, we don't have near that much land. Shit there would be 5 houses on a piece of property that big.

5 houses on 5 acres? In socal?

pffftttt.

You could have 5 subdivisions in socal on a plot the size of indy's.

I have one acre and I am fairly certain that you put atleast half a dozen typical OC postage stamp sized lots on it. Ofcourse one of those shacks would buy 3 or mine. Well, it would buy 3 or 4 a few years ago. Prolly 1 1/2 or 2 now.

What is the typical OC 1200 sq ft ranch bringing these days? I know they swere getting better than 3/4 mil a few years back.

Smackie I bought my house 11 years ago this Sept. Purchase price was 265. SQ footage is about 2,700 SQ Ft on a 10K sq ft. lot. At the height of the market I could have gotten about 850 for it. I'd be lucky to get 550 for it now. shit, I could still move my family into Frisco's place and nobody would know we were there.

In Australia filling in a ditch like that near a road would be the local councils responsibility

missjo wrote:In Australia filling in a ditch like that near a road would be the local councils responsibility

No shit? I am so fucking moving! Next I suppose you'll tell us lawn care is the regional planning commission's gig? Seriously though, I don't think local councils in Aussie land handle the frontage of every citizen's property. The sheer numbers would defy that claim.


Fricso,

Nice digs. But I'd recommend a couple gallons of Roundup in that "garden". Seems to much like a jungle with too much maintenance involved.

H4ever wrote: Nice digs. But I'd recommend a couple gallons of Roundup in that "garden". Seems to much like a jungle with too much maintenance involved.

Actually, I had a nursery mulch it recently (took 20 freaking yards of mulch ). They used 10 gallons of round-up, actually. I must admit, I spend MUCH less time pulling weeds now though. Just gotta stay on top of it.

Actually, I had a nursery mulch it recently (took 20 freaking yards of mulch ). They used 10 gallons of round-up, actually. I must admit, I spend MUCH less time pulling weeds now though. Just gotta stay on top of it.

that's why you have kids. My 13 year old son just got bestowed the priviledge of mowing the lawn...........Damn he hates it but it's a rite of passage for a kid......

Laxplayer wrote:that's why you have kids. My 13 year old

That's why I have a big yard that takes so much of my time to maintain. My kids are 1 and 3.

"Sorry hun. Would love to watch the kids all afternoon while you go shopping, but the lawn doesn't mow/edge/weedeat itself! And the beer doesn't drink itself while doing it!"