Van...Let's talk tatts

[indyfrisco]

I hate to think this, but maybe, just maybe, Vannie, you were right about the whole tatt thing all these years.

He was.

[War Wagon]

Van sure is a popular guy here.

[Trampis]

Handlebars for a trampstamp

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Tubesocks just sold out in the greater Seattle area.

[L45B]

Personal. Billboards.

[JMak]

RACK the Screw. But it ain't limited to black women, what about the black guys? I've noticed this particularly with the fellas in the NBA. AI, LeBron, covered in tats you can barely see. There's some fool on the Cavs with tats all over his neck. It's ridiculous. I mean, who thinks these things look good?

Even more stupid are the dudes that get branded. Yeah, that looks real cool...

[Van]

S_M, though I live in mortal fear of what TVO will assuredly say about me after I post this, I have to agree with you on the blacks with tats thing being the worst of the worst.

I agree with you on their poor choice of location, and even moreso on their poor choice of content.

On top of that, nine times out of ten the ones on black women are on really fat women, and because they always seem to go with really cheap work the tats more often than not simply look like a really ugly bruise. It's just a gray-ish green smudge.
Location? You completely nailed it.

Giant tats, on giant bellies, exposed by not-so-giant halter tops.

Neck tats. Instant 200 point deduction on anybody's credit score, almost without fail.

Leg tats. I don't mean ankles, either. I mean giant, nasty "butterfly" bruises on rippled, cottage cheese thighs.

The upper back, upper chest and shoulder tats displayed with tank tops are simply to be expected.

The one you missed though was the one I see most often on blacks, and it's my absolute favorite, especially when it's somewhere really damning, like the neck: misspelled tats. I don't mean "creative" spellings of words, either. No, I mean crap like, "Palya Fo' Life!" where the fucking tat guy accidentally transposed letters on this one chagrined kid's chest. Or, best of all, when both the tat guy and the dude wearing the tat were unaware the tat had been misspelled, as in the case of this one guy with a 447 Experian score who tried to buy a BMW 550i, despite having no cash down and a trade in Lincoln in which he was $22K upside down.

Dude's tat?

"Rodny King is everywear."

It was on his fucking calf.

We're waiting for the F&I guy to come back and tell me to punt the guy, so while we're sitting there at my desk looking up the Raiders' schedule for 2009, and the location of the nearest Nation's Burgers, (yep, that's what this guy had me do while we were waiting) I gesture to his tat and ask the guy, "What's the deal with spelling 'Rodney' and 'everwhere' differently? What's the story there?"

He looks at his calf. He looks at me.

"Huh?"

"'Rodney,' you're missing the 'e'. 'Everywear,' you've got it spelled like it has to do with clothes, you know, like you wear something. What's the story there?"

He looks at his tat again. He looks up at me. Slowly, recognition dawning on him, he shakes his head.

"Motherfucker," he says.

[Van]

The kid with "playa" misspelled, he at least knew it. He was pissed about it, but he said he didn't know what he could do about it.

The other guy, it was just classic. Dude had no idea.

I'm sure that also goes for all the idiots who get Chinese characters on their body, which half the time likely say something along the lines of, "You're a fucking tool."

[JMak]

I'm sure that also goes for all the idiots who get Chinese characters on their body, which half the time likely say something along the lines of, "You're a fucking tool."

Funny, that's what most tats just scream to me when I see them.

[Mikey]

Any ink is stupid ink.

EOS

[BSmack]

Baby's daddy on one breast, baby's name on the other. Jesus, it never ceases to amaze.

Did you ever see the chick with 5 babies and 5 daddies. Shit reads like the Ten Commandments.

[Van]

Maybe she's a hooker, and a sailor too?

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

We're waiting for the F&I guy to come back and tell me to punt the guy, so while we're sitting there at my desk looking up the Raiders' schedule for 2009, and the location of the nearest Nation's Burgers, (yep, that's what this guy had me do while we were waiting) I gesture to his tat and ask the guy, "What's the deal with spelling 'Rodney' and 'everwhere' differently? What's the story there?"

He looks at his calf. He looks at me.

"Huh?"

"'Rodney,' you're missing the 'e'. 'Everywear,' you've got it spelled like it has to do with clothes, you know, like you wear something. What's the story there?"

He looks at his tat again. He looks up at me. Slowly, recognition dawning on him, he shakes his head.

"Motherfucker," he says.

I’ve got to call BS on this unless the dude came straight from getting a tat into your POB. Seeing as how it’s SOP to show anyone and everyone your new ink, I just can’t see you being the first person who told him about the misspellings. Funny story though.

[Van]

I didn't ask him how long he'd had it, but the ink definitely wasn't fresh, I can tell you that.

[Trampis]

Sad story Van, sorta goes with the one you told awhile back about snoop dog lookalike buying a ninja or something like it and hitting a parked car on his way out of the dealership.

[Van]

Awww, shit, you remember that??



Damn, there were a lot of those.

[socal]

I once thought that tats were for losers. But I've learned that they are what they are. C'est la vie. Lots of people have 'em nowadays who ain't in mvscal's "circle of trust".

Case in point my wife got one a couple of months ago. Wasn't planning on getting one until her 24 year-old nephew said he was adding to his. You see his tats are an homage to the chemo drugs that have bought him the last two and one-half years of his life since his testicular cancer was discovered. She got one about the size of a silver dollar in support of her nephew. Hurt like hell. Brought her own bottle of wine. Lit up her nephew's face from ear to ear.

[Van]

Socal, I think that's just a wee bit different than the 99.9% of tats we see on most people; especially the motivation behind those tats we see on most people.

Just tell me she didn't stick it on her neck.

:D

[JayDuck]

[BSmack]

Jay,

That is an awesome display of stupidity. Almost as bad as this one.

[Van]

Jay, one thing's for certain about your girl there...

She's never going to be hurting for dates.

That would be classic, bringing her around to your friends, and your family.

"Hey, let's go swimming! I even brought my bathing suit this time!"

~you pause, and think about it, as she begins to pull her top off, and you see that thing, just as mom and dad begin to walk out onto the patio~

"Uh, babe, let's not. You don't want to swim in our pool anyway. My little brother always pees in it."

~you notice her suddenly and hungrily eyeing your little brother, whose tongue is lolling out of his head as he stares at her, and you decide it may just be time to re-think this whole relationship~

[JayDuck]

While I know the slut wanted that, I prefer to imagine that she just walked into a tatoo parlor and asked for a butterfly on her back and had the world's biggest asshole as her artist.

[socal]

Just tell me she didn't stick it on her neck.

She didn't stick that thing on her neck.

[Mikey]

Damn Websense...

[socal]

Damn Webersense...

Why do you hate Weber grills?

[Mikey]

Damn Webersense...

Why do you hate Weber grills?

'cause mine needs new burners?

[smackaholic]

What is it with balck chicks and jail house quality tats. I am pretty certain I have never seen a fat black chick with a professionally done tat. Prolly because professional inkers just won't stoop to putting their work on certain canvases.

Another thing about balcks and tats in general. It's a bad idea. You are too fukking dark for a decent tat to show. If you wanna get inked up, you should get bleached first like jacko.

[Invictus]

Even more stupid are the dudes that get branded. Yeah, that looks real cool...

Michael Jordan has one (and I think I might know why he has it too) that you can't see. Does HIM having one make him less cool in your eyes?

[indyfrisco]

Even more stupid are the dudes that get branded. Yeah, that looks real cool...

Michael Jordan has one (and I think I might know why he has it too) that you can't see. Does HIM having one make him less cool in your eyes?

Him cheating on his wife already did that. He's just a piece of shit stain.

[Moving Sale]

Cue up TVBlow...

S_M, though I live in mortal fear of what TVO will assuredly say about me after I post this, I have to agree with you on the blacks with tats thing being the worst of the worst.

A) Some of the 'best' tats I've seen have been prison tats, and I've seen more prison tats than the rest of you all put together.< -- Softball. Dudes have nothing but time on their hands and do some fine work... and as you know there are lots of blacks in prison so you do the math.

B) Sister speaks and reads Mandarin. We're at the beach one day and she asks me to ask this skank we saw what her tramp stamp says. "Peace, Love and Harmony" is her response. Of course my sister tells me later that it basically says "dirty whore." :o

C) Two best face tats I've seen on my clients are "5150*" and "Fuck You" both in BIG block letters on said client's forehead.

* Cali Welfare code section for 'crazy.'

[Van]

* Meh Van Halen album.

[Mr T]

Some of the 'best' tats I've seen have been prison tats, and I've seen more prison tats than the rest of you all put together

You say this like someone is going to argue that they have seen more prison tats.

Let it be known that you will forever have scoreboard on seeing more prison dude skin than the rest of us.

Here you go, you earned it...