The Trader
Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:10 pm
This is too good to pass up. I gather you're aware of the latest Wall St. kleptocrat to get rung up on gigantic swindling, etc. He's a big fat fuck from India named Raj Rajaratnam and he headed the massive Galleon Group hedge fund. He's one of the richest men in America and he got nailed. Okay, standard stuff, but what sets this guy apart is that during his spree of lavish indulgence in his windfall of ill-gotten riches, he hired Kenny Rogers to perform at his birthday party. He paid Rogers $4,000,000 to play "The Gambler" again and again. Just that song! And Kenny said "sure." Rogers refused to go on after playing it a dozen times, but then remembered he was Kenny Rogers playing a birthday party and continued, sporting a single tear. 
"All right, four more times...but that's it!"
"Do they have the curry special in the big house?"
Well, in honor of Kenny's sheer entrepreneurial spirit, and Raj's remarkable hog-like behavior...
The Trader
On a cold dark winter's evening, in a dark dank federal prison
I met up with the trader, we were both too scared to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' through the bars on the window
Until he started shakin' and then blubberin' like a creep.
He said son I've made a fortune out of stealin' people's money,
Sharin' inside information, and telling big fat lies.
And if you don't mind me sayin', I can see you're just a two-bit,
But for a snort of your last angel dust I'll give you some advice.
And so we started huffing on the makeshift foil burner,
His piggy eyes went glassy and I thought he might pass out.
But then he started talking--and it sounded something Hindi--
And then he belched and moaned something about really having gout.
"You've got to know when to pump 'em, and know when to dump 'em,
Know how to move it like a big revolving door,
But don't talk to your flunky when she's wearin' a fuckin' wire,
There'll be time enough for countin' when the money's all offshore.
Now every trader knows that the secret to gettin' over
Is to lie and cheat and steal and run like a kid in a candy shop.
And then to live just like a pasha, with no heed for the future
Cuz the future's just a perp walk with some bracelets and a cop."
And when he finished blathering, the trader passed out easy,
I rustled through his pockets but he didn't have a smoke.
He lay there til the morning when the brothers came and found him,
And after three or four of them I think he had a stroke.
"You've got to know when to pump 'em, and know when to dump 'em,
Know how to shuffle when the SEC comes nosin' round.
But don't talk to your flunkies when they may be wearin' wires
Cuz the truth will end up chasing you like a big ol' rabid hound!"
"All right, four more times...but that's it!"
"Do they have the curry special in the big house?"
Well, in honor of Kenny's sheer entrepreneurial spirit, and Raj's remarkable hog-like behavior...
The Trader
On a cold dark winter's evening, in a dark dank federal prison
I met up with the trader, we were both too scared to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' through the bars on the window
Until he started shakin' and then blubberin' like a creep.
He said son I've made a fortune out of stealin' people's money,
Sharin' inside information, and telling big fat lies.
And if you don't mind me sayin', I can see you're just a two-bit,
But for a snort of your last angel dust I'll give you some advice.
And so we started huffing on the makeshift foil burner,
His piggy eyes went glassy and I thought he might pass out.
But then he started talking--and it sounded something Hindi--
And then he belched and moaned something about really having gout.
"You've got to know when to pump 'em, and know when to dump 'em,
Know how to move it like a big revolving door,
But don't talk to your flunky when she's wearin' a fuckin' wire,
There'll be time enough for countin' when the money's all offshore.
Now every trader knows that the secret to gettin' over
Is to lie and cheat and steal and run like a kid in a candy shop.
And then to live just like a pasha, with no heed for the future
Cuz the future's just a perp walk with some bracelets and a cop."
And when he finished blathering, the trader passed out easy,
I rustled through his pockets but he didn't have a smoke.
He lay there til the morning when the brothers came and found him,
And after three or four of them I think he had a stroke.
"You've got to know when to pump 'em, and know when to dump 'em,
Know how to shuffle when the SEC comes nosin' round.
But don't talk to your flunkies when they may be wearin' wires
Cuz the truth will end up chasing you like a big ol' rabid hound!"
