JSC, let's do this...
Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:21 am
You've got the nod in the life-hreatening injuries category, but let's talk quantity. I'll put my resume against anyone's.
I'll be having major surgery #6 shortly, so...
It's GO TIME!!
- Torn left ankle tendons after drunken tomfoolery
- Left ankle reconstructive surgery after 50+ sprains. This included holes drilled in bones, tendons snipped, etc.
- Left ankle nerve release surgery to correct tarsal tunnel syndrome (permanently swollen nerve)
- Inability to stand on my left ankle for more than 5 minutes before previously mentioned nerve swells and throbs to the point that it makes me want to vomit after 30min.
- Repair torn pelvic muscle caused when I hung upside down in the bilge in the Navy to tighten a leaking flexible coupling. Still occasionally causes me pain if I so much as raise my arm.
- Had an osteochondroma (calcified cartilage) removed on my right knee caused by years of skiing and weightlifting. It had become razor sharp and was shredding one of my quads. To do this they had to slice through the injured quad like it was a medium-rare fat ribeye. According to the doc he then took a hammer and chisel to it all medieval-style.
- Had a golfball-sized abcess sliced just above my tailbone.
- Cracked skull resulting from jumping into a steel pipe while doing a fake elbow drop on a co-worker
- Reduced vision in left eye after having a freak splash of industrial grade floor stripper splash into my eye
- Broken right metacarpal while wrecking on my huffy at age 11.
- Broken left toe at age 12 by having a cafeteria table collapse on it
- Broken left arm just below wrist in freak event in pickup tackle football game
- Said arm didn't heal straight, so it was rebroken by an orthopedist by pulling on it repeatedly (editor's note: Ouch)
- Just found out that said arm somehow broke again in the past 13 years, leaving me with (effectively) two ulnas where there's suppose to be one.
- Ulna bone(s) now currently shredding main arm nerve resulting in a constant burning feeling in my lower arm as if Mike Backer GHB'ed it and date raped it on a Saturday night.
- Hyperextended left elbow that is still jacked up after two years.
- Persistent left knee weakness left from sparring with a karate black belt during sophomore year of HS who thought it would be funny to "sweep the leg".
- Grade 1 shoulder separation in both shoulders and high ankle sprain senior year of HS football.
- Torn foot muscle during raquetball even though ankle was taped.
- Cholesterol of 280 due to jacked up family history
- Triglycerides of 850 due to jacked up family history. According to my doctor, this is normally seen only in end stage type II diabetics.
- Blood pressure measured as high as 220/105 due to jacked up family history
- Slipped disc in my back that is so sensitive that it once went out after a strong sneeze
BRING IT!!!
I'll be having major surgery #6 shortly, so...
It's GO TIME!!
- Torn left ankle tendons after drunken tomfoolery
- Left ankle reconstructive surgery after 50+ sprains. This included holes drilled in bones, tendons snipped, etc.
- Left ankle nerve release surgery to correct tarsal tunnel syndrome (permanently swollen nerve)
- Inability to stand on my left ankle for more than 5 minutes before previously mentioned nerve swells and throbs to the point that it makes me want to vomit after 30min.
- Repair torn pelvic muscle caused when I hung upside down in the bilge in the Navy to tighten a leaking flexible coupling. Still occasionally causes me pain if I so much as raise my arm.
- Had an osteochondroma (calcified cartilage) removed on my right knee caused by years of skiing and weightlifting. It had become razor sharp and was shredding one of my quads. To do this they had to slice through the injured quad like it was a medium-rare fat ribeye. According to the doc he then took a hammer and chisel to it all medieval-style.
- Had a golfball-sized abcess sliced just above my tailbone.
- Cracked skull resulting from jumping into a steel pipe while doing a fake elbow drop on a co-worker
- Reduced vision in left eye after having a freak splash of industrial grade floor stripper splash into my eye
- Broken right metacarpal while wrecking on my huffy at age 11.
- Broken left toe at age 12 by having a cafeteria table collapse on it
- Broken left arm just below wrist in freak event in pickup tackle football game
- Said arm didn't heal straight, so it was rebroken by an orthopedist by pulling on it repeatedly (editor's note: Ouch)
- Just found out that said arm somehow broke again in the past 13 years, leaving me with (effectively) two ulnas where there's suppose to be one.
- Ulna bone(s) now currently shredding main arm nerve resulting in a constant burning feeling in my lower arm as if Mike Backer GHB'ed it and date raped it on a Saturday night.
- Hyperextended left elbow that is still jacked up after two years.
- Persistent left knee weakness left from sparring with a karate black belt during sophomore year of HS who thought it would be funny to "sweep the leg".
- Grade 1 shoulder separation in both shoulders and high ankle sprain senior year of HS football.
- Torn foot muscle during raquetball even though ankle was taped.
- Cholesterol of 280 due to jacked up family history
- Triglycerides of 850 due to jacked up family history. According to my doctor, this is normally seen only in end stage type II diabetics.
- Blood pressure measured as high as 220/105 due to jacked up family history
- Slipped disc in my back that is so sensitive that it once went out after a strong sneeze
BRING IT!!!
