T1B

Is like placing a young man on a tennis tournement and expecting him to really play--when he's never set foot on a court!

Married Jonas Brother Says Sex Not Worth the Wait

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Just days after tying the knot after years of abstinence, Kevin Jonas of the pop sensation the Jonas Brothers stunned his teenaged fans by announcing that "to be honest about it, sex was not worth the wait."

"After we did it, I was kind of like, that's it?" Mr. Jonas told reporters at a New York press conference.

As to whether Mr. Jonas' bride agreed with his "that's it?" assessment, Mr. Jonas remarked, "That's what she said."


Can't make this shit up...or can you?

Did he have anything to say about "wait till your father gets home"?

"It was nothing like you see in the movies", Jonas said. "I mean, no rubber gimp suit? No orange ball gag? And zero fucking assplay?? Boooooorrrriiing!"

Having spent years denying their libidos, there's no wonder that the act was of little consequence to them.

A disgusting and cautionary tale of deevolution at work, in my book. They have voided their sexuality because...well, who knows why.

At least they are not braying for their keys and demanding to be driven out of there.

I am happy to say, even having two daughters, 17 and 15, and have never EVER heard a Jonas Brother's song. Ever.

Nor lady Gaga. Or Shakira. I read the latest decade in review in Entertainment Weekly, and on the music charts, I think I had heard two of them.

Call me an old fart, but I think I'll stick with the Allman Brothers or The Stones.

At least until something worth listening to comes along. Again.

Watching Simon and Garfunkel on HBO, the R&R Hall of Fame concert....brought tears to my eyes remembering about melody, musicallity, and lyrics.

It may come back again one day.

Can he say, "I'm a fag!" more clearly?

Perhaps when he admits that he abstained from HETERO-sex until he was married.

First time I had sex I was hooked like a meth-head on a double-ought, treble-hook crackpipe.

Thats what she said

Bwhahahahahahahahaaaaa nice 10 seconds ya fucked her jonas boy
practice over and over till ya get it right, thats the fun of it

R-Jack wrote:From experience, sex for the first time is like riding a bike for the first time. In both cases you end up on the ground with a sore bottom and skinned knees. Have a cosmo kid, it'll get easier.

I'll take your word on it.

Fag.

Diogenes wrote:

R-Jack wrote:sex for the first time

I'll take your word on it.

WTF? Cosmo Boy is a virgin?

PSUFAN wrote:

Diogenes wrote:

R-Jack wrote:sex for the first time

I'll take your word on it.

WTF? Cosmo Boy is a virgin?

You'll have to ask him.

I don't really care.

Maybe the poor Jonas boy did it wrong...or maybe he needs his brothers in the room with him when he "performs".

Trampis wrote:Maybe the poor Jonas boy did it wrong...or maybe he needs his brothers in the room with him when he "performs".

Adoption request from IL in 3...2...1...

Diogenes wrote:Kind of different. A new side to Nicky.

Hates Jews-check.
Hates Capitalsts-check.
Wears tin-foil hats-check.
Obsesses about ther conjugal relations of the Jonas Brothers...




Didn't see that coming.
Props for branching out.

Step yer game up, ZioDog, a partial list might accurately read thus..

Abhors Zionism and other fake and disastrous racist movements--check
Abhors predatory capitalism operating on bogus theories of economics and history--check
Abhors monotheistic religions and their blinding effect upon much of humanity for 15 centuries now--check
Abhors the PNAC/AIPAC criminals who were in fact behind the 9/11 New Pearl Harbor Day--check
Abhors the grotesque fake ethos of "celibacy" advocates like the Jonas wads, etc.,

Now shut up and wakey wake :wink:

H4ever wrote:Can he say, "I'm a fag!" more clearly?

Perhaps when he admits that he abstained from HETERO-sex until he was married.

First time I had sex I was hooked like a meth-head on a double-ought, treble-hook crackpipe.

No doubt. It was the ultimate paradigm shift. I went from trying to get drunk in as many different ways as possible to trying to get laid in as many different ways as possible in one night.

LTS TRN 2 wrote:

Diogenes wrote:Kind of different. A new side to Nicky.

Hates Jews-check.
Hates Capitalsts-check.
Wears tin-foil hats-check.
Obsesses about ther conjugal relations of the Jonas Brothers...




Didn't see that coming.
Props for branching out.

Step yer game up, ZioDog, a partial list might accurately read thus..

Abhors Zionism and other fake and disastrous racist movements--check
Abhors predatory capitalism operating on bogus theories of economics and history--check
Abhors monotheistic religions and their blinding effect upon much of humanity for 15 centuries now--check
Abhors the PNAC/AIPAC criminals who were in fact behind the 9/11 New Pearl Harbor Day--check
Abhors the grotesque fake ethos of "celibacy" advocates like the Jonas wads, etc.,

Your shrink is on the other line.

How do you go from obsessing about Jews and Capitalists to the Jonas Brothers anyway?

Never mind.















I'm sure I don't want to know.

ZioDog, you don't see the connection because your mind is shallow and small. Look...

The war-mongering ZioNazis (which are the major issue right now in the world, factoring the horrific wars being fought--and planned--on their behalf) are NOT numerous enough to foment, initiate, and maintain their ghastly designs by themselves. They have always relied on the broad welter of ignorant Christers to dutifully--and often passively-- carry their water and support their "state." And.....the Jonas brothers are a classic example of this. Sure, they don't talk politics or quote scripture from the stage, but by virtue of their fundamentalist Christer marching orders, they are very much an over all part of the vile conundrum.

Any other stupid questions?