I'm not sure guys, but I think I just debunked evolution!
Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 12:51 am
I was taking a shit and came up with what I believe to be a theory of great merit. It will be much easier to understand my theory if you read this with your inner voice tuned to William Shatner starting now.
IF we, EVOLVED from apes, how come there's still friggin apes? This was my initial conundrum. Then with a stream of consciousness that can only be produced by a half-out growler or peyote, the answer hit me! Aliens visited earth long ago and much like the rogue hillbilly who porks a sheep out of desperation or child-like curiosity, one of those aliens got a wild hair up his ass and boned an ape. He knew he was blowing this popcicle stand bound for other undiscovered galaxies so he didn't bother pulling out. The ape got knocked up conceiving the first of our kind, an ape-alien half-breed or, as we have named ourselves, human. I know my detractors will say, "What about chinks? Explain that!?" I cannot.
My turd made it's final descent sending a backsplash of cold water that peppered my anus and mind back into consciousness and I lost my train of thought. Thus, my theory is incomplete...missing the proof to tie this up with a pretty bow for delivery to our leading scientific institutions.
The aliens will hopefully come back or we will find an anomaly in our DNA that cannot be explained, dare I say, it will be alien to us. :wink: When the aliens do come back, it won't be all of this "Independence Day" type shit, It's going to be an Alien with baggy jeans, a gold tooth, and a pisspoor attitude sitting on stage with a Gorilla and Maury fukkin' Povitch as the world stops to watch him open the results of a paternity test. "Zimbaktu...you ARE the father!!!" The ape will jump up and down in the aliens face pointing victoriously and maybe, hopefully, lob a turd at Maury.
IF we, EVOLVED from apes, how come there's still friggin apes? This was my initial conundrum. Then with a stream of consciousness that can only be produced by a half-out growler or peyote, the answer hit me! Aliens visited earth long ago and much like the rogue hillbilly who porks a sheep out of desperation or child-like curiosity, one of those aliens got a wild hair up his ass and boned an ape. He knew he was blowing this popcicle stand bound for other undiscovered galaxies so he didn't bother pulling out. The ape got knocked up conceiving the first of our kind, an ape-alien half-breed or, as we have named ourselves, human. I know my detractors will say, "What about chinks? Explain that!?" I cannot.
My turd made it's final descent sending a backsplash of cold water that peppered my anus and mind back into consciousness and I lost my train of thought. Thus, my theory is incomplete...missing the proof to tie this up with a pretty bow for delivery to our leading scientific institutions.
The aliens will hopefully come back or we will find an anomaly in our DNA that cannot be explained, dare I say, it will be alien to us. :wink: When the aliens do come back, it won't be all of this "Independence Day" type shit, It's going to be an Alien with baggy jeans, a gold tooth, and a pisspoor attitude sitting on stage with a Gorilla and Maury fukkin' Povitch as the world stops to watch him open the results of a paternity test. "Zimbaktu...you ARE the father!!!" The ape will jump up and down in the aliens face pointing victoriously and maybe, hopefully, lob a turd at Maury.
