T1B

What do George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln have in common?




They were the last three white guys to have those last names.

Auto-TROTS this shit poster.

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?”

“Ten years,” replied the amazed Irishman

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. “Faith and begorrah,” said the castaway, “that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?” asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, “Ten years.”

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. ” ‘Tis nectar of the gods!” shouted the Irishman. ” ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!”

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, “And how long has it been since you played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”

fucking horrible.

Diego was trolling the local playground when he came upon a young lad smoking a cigarette. Diego asked, "How old are you, son?"
The kid replied, "I'm six."
Diego asked, "When did you start smoking?"
Kid: "I started after I had sex for the first time."
Diego: "How old were you then?"
Kid: "I dunno. I was drunk."

ALL joke tellers are hanging by a thread.

And the doctor said "Rectum? It nearly killed 'em."

Who cleaned it up?

Screw_Michigan wrote:Who cleaned it up?

Is there some professional jealousy you're not telling us about, Screwey?

Smackie Chan wrote:Diego was trolling the local playground when he came upon a young lad smoking a cigarette. Diego asked, "How old are you, son?"
The kid replied, "I'm six."
Diego asked, "When did you start smoking?"
Kid: "I started after I had sex for the first time."
Diego: "How old were you then?"
Kid: "I dunno. I was drunk."
...and Diego's dick came out. BWUHAHA.

ftfy

Sin,
Richard Pryor

If it takes a joke by Screwball to make a joke thread funny...

'nuff said.

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil

tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the

devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him
a check.


Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is

finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she

writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is

finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.


When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to

call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has

gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Diego is standing naked in the bathroom shaving. In walks his little five year old girl.

"Ooooh what's that Daddy?"

"That's my penis, darling"

"Ooooh when do I get one?"

"Just as soon as your mom goes to the store"

S-M, or anybody, what's the story behind that robot pic? I know that it basically means you're saying the previous post was like a fart in an elevator, but how did it come to take on that meaning?

You'd have to ask SirFuckaFist. He's the one who started posting it everywhere he deemed necessary for a "Shit Thread Alert."