T1B

Yet another reason I love SWA. Bags fly free and fatasses pay double!

http://www.fleshandstone.net/policy_tre ... ngers.html

Rack SWA!

That's not right.

IndyFrisco wrote: Bags fly free...
Rack SWA!

So, the OL is riding along on this trip?

Gobbles McTubesteak isn't going to like this news.

A humiliating albeit wholly necessary policy. I once had to sit next to a Rumplebeast on a flight from Orlando to Detroit. The entire left side of her body was pooling into my personal space. I had to clench my right thigh in an inward position the entire flight, because if I relaxed and let it go, it would've gotten lost in the abyss of varicose veiny cellulite. About midway through the flight she reached into her purse and broke out a half-eaten Whopper still in the wrapper. I couldn't help but notice out of my periphery the gooey conconction of ketchup and mayo running down the side of her chin as she devoured it with passion.

The horror. The horror.

You’re right, Screwball. That’s not going to make me happy. Southwest doesn’t fly out of Madison.

Do skinny peeps pay 1/2 price?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I once had to sit next to a Rumplebeast on a flight from Orlando to Detroit.

Try Newark to LA and this after flying from Frankfurt to Newark. This fat fuck didn't have a half eaten Whopper, though. He had some kind of half eaten deli sandwich with extra onions or something.

It was the closest I have ever come to cold blooded murder. If I wasn't so fucking tired, I might have followed him home and killed his entire family.

It doesn't matter, you lard-assed fuck. If you can't fit into one seat, you need to buy two.

if you arms were really that long you could fly without the assistance of a plane.

it's not discrimination; it's theft of one-half the seat i paid for, not to mention i have to pay for my 20 lb. bag in the hold while some fat facker gets to carry on 100 lbs of stomach for free.

Toddowen wrote:What about those of us who are basketball player sized? All arms and legs?

You're leaving out the obvious part of you being a fat ass since length in and of itself isn't an issue. I would know; I've been a tall, lanky fucker my whole life.

Toddowen wrote:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:

Toddowen wrote:What about those of us who are basketball player sized? All arms and legs?

You're leaving out the obvious part of you being a fat ass since length in and of itself isn't an issue. I would know; I've been a tall, lanky fucker my whole life.

I've had airline folks make special arrangements for me on boarding for my length, not my girth. I can't remember a flight where I haven't heard the crew make some "you poor guy" comment, because I need to perform a contortionist act to get in and out of the seat.

They usually try and assign an exit seat for me. But the day when I'm asked to pay an extra fare is the day I'll be on the news.

Try a C-130 next time.

Toddowen wrote: I've had airline folks make special arrangements for me on boarding for my length, not my girth. I can't remember a flight where I haven't heard the crew make some "you poor guy" comment, because I need to perform a contortionist act to get in and out of the seat.

They usually try and assign an exit seat for me. But the day when I'm asked to pay an extra fare is the day I'll be on the news.

you must be the only tall guy to ever book a flight. the issue here is sitting next to fatasses laying claim to half the seat you paid for, not contortionists. stop acting like everyone's talking about you.

ja, it's discrimination right up to the point you have to share your $500 with the stranger next to you. that's theft.

charging the fatasses for the two seats they use is a free-market incentive to not be so fucking fat.

rakk this thread, good laughs

Sounds good to me...having flown next to someone with 20 lbs of their gunt encroaching on my seat

Flew back to TN last month on Frontier. First time flying that airline. Paid a little extra to be able to pick my isle seat ahead of time. Both ways, layover in Denver. To Denver had an empty seat next to me, plane was way early, gate right next to gate out on layover. Not so lucky on the way home. They offered me "stretch" seating for only 15 bucks extra. I'm too frugal to take it. Why? Flight to TN was so nice and smooth. Back to Denver, old man who brought nothing to do, didn't have the free tv, made comments that they separated his wife to the middle seat in front of him. Um, I paid extra, you didn't. Felt guilty because 75 year old man had a vietnam vet cap on, and I didn't offer up my seat. I told him he should ask the guy at the window seat to trade. About an hour into flight, this perv had his hand over the hand rest and was touching my leg! This went on close to 5 minutes and I was this close to saying something before he removed it. Get to Denver LATE. Next gate is 15 gates away. Have to run. Sit down on plane. Woo, tiny, older business woman with a laptop in the middle. Shouldn't be bad. This bitch spreads out her newspaper wide and invades my space with her elbows and paper big time. I am viewing the stretch seating up front, with the friendy african american male flight attendant who is bringing them extra drinks having jolly conversation kicking myself for not paying that extra $15.

mvscal wrote:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:I once had to sit next to a Rumplebeast on a flight from Orlando to Detroit.

Try Newark to LA and this after flying from Frankfurt to Newark. This fat fuck didn't have a half eaten Whopper, though. He had some kind of half eaten deli sandwich with extra onions or something.

It was the closest I have ever come to cold blooded murder. If I wasn't so fucking tired, I might have followed him home and killed his entire family.

I know your pain. While in college I once road Greyhound (aka The Shame Train) from Sacramento down to LA. I got on the "local" bus by accident, so it took 12 hours instead of 8. Un.War.

Whenever the bus wasn't stopping in every po-dunk town every 15 miles down the freeway, the enormous she-woogie sitting next to me kept falling asleep and leaning into me and squashing me against the window. This was back before I became all old and bitter and jaded, so I was trying to be respectful at first. "Ma'am, you're sleeping on me" *bump* "Ma'am, excuse me..." There were no open seats on the bus for me to move to, so I got to the point where I was like "fuck it, if I'm going to be miserable, so is this pig". I would put up with it for a minute or so, hoping a bump in the road would wake her up. If that didn't happen I'd wedge my arm under her neck fat and ease it in a few times then kind of flip her head up. She'd be all "Wah?...." then back asleep with a head flop onto my shoulder. I swear I was totally ready to plug her nose, clap a hand over her mouth and blame it on another fatass dying of sleep apnea. By the time that bus finally stopped it felt like I'd just played 60min of hoops getting slammed into by Shaq under the rim.

Todd, since no one has, I must ask.....

What is your weight/height?

I am 6/0'', 228

And Mclub posting this - "if you arms were really that long you could fly without the assistance of a plane. "


Made me really laugh.

So you have a really fat arm and leg?

Ummm....Get an aisle seat and let the fat arm and leg hang out in there. That way you won't disturbe the people in the other seats,..at least until the drink cart comes around. Then you'll have to store them in the overhead compartment.

Actually, Ask if ALL of you can be stored in the overhead compartment for the entire flight. That would solve everything. Otherwise....take a train. You can be the caboose.

Toddowen wrote:I'm 6'5 and 275, of which a disproportionate amount is arm and leg.

You are one fat fuck.

When we have to fly I book a window seat for MrsO. Sometimes we get stuck on planes with three seats in a row and I get stuck in the middle seat. I'm 6'3", 285 and believe airlines should have a rule that middle seat gets two arm rests. Now if we could get back to treating passengers better than common criminals (sup TSA ?), flying might become more of a pleasure.

Screw_Michigan wrote:

Toddowen wrote:I'm 6'5 and 275, of which a disproportionate amount is arm and leg.

You are one fat fuck.

No shit, Sherlock. 48-inch waist out front should have told you. And 6’5” is not “close to 7 feet tall” either.

Todd =

Roger_the_Shrubber wrote:I am 6/0'', 228.

And 40% body fat. Each a carrot, you tub of shit...

Todd =

Toddowen wrote:My last flight back from the west coast, there was an Algerian couple right across the aisle. I was the perfect distance to bitchslap the cunt who wouldn't shut up for the entire flight. G0D how I wanted to too.

The entire fucking flight. I'll bet the crap she was spewing out was "These Americans are so obnoxious. Did you see the look they gave me at the Starbucks today when I asked for goatsmilk with my tea? How dare they!"....

....And then it turns out she could speak perfect english, I found out with about 20 minutes left in the flight, as she struck up a brief conversation with some Ugandan looking bloke about three or four rows up.

so what language do you speak that you could tell she was bitching about goats milk the whole flight even though she waited the last 20 to use english? french? arabic? berber?

and really, you could tell the black dude 'three or four rows up' was ugandan? most of us use the word black. well, most of us here would use mvscal, but that's for a different conversation.

Toddowen wrote:I'm 6'5 and 275, of which a disproportionate amount is arm and leg.

Are yas from Goon Island?

Sin,

Popeye

eh, i glossed over the "i'll bet the the crap she was spewing." whoops. still, all this story - with it's 'perfect distance to bitchslap the cunt' and 'glad i got off the flight without incidence' - tells us is that were you ever forced to buy a second ticket you'd definitely not go buck wild on tsa, as you claim. you'd hand over your credit card and smile meekly before going on about, "wha?? i have no idea why it was declined."

all spoken under your breath, no doubt. bad ass.

Toddowen wrote:I try to be respectful at 35,000 feet and expect the same.

The patron that is trying to navigate around your gelatanous bingo wings to buckle their seat may not agree with that statement.

Pay up you fat fuck

Are you so unsure of your actual waist size because your girth makes elastic waistbands your friend?

A White Party patron who fluxuataes between moderately and morbidly obese? I sense a copy of Cat Fancy is sitting on your coffee table.

Toddowen wrote:I have 40's that feel loose, and I have 44's that feel tight. Thank the state of modern garment manufacture for that. The Q&A Nazis in Guatamala need to get more aggresive in the administration of the stun gun up and down the production line. Maybe use it on themselves as well.

They probably don't care too much about getting it right, since the slobbering tubs of shit who occupy that size range can't type a letter of complaint without sweating profusely and passing out.

Drawstrings are your friend JaToddus.

R-Jack wrote:I sense a copy of Cat Fancy is sitting on your coffee table.

Cat Fancy almost ended my career.

~ Warrick Dunn