You know you're in Iowa....

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:00 pm

.....when you walk into one of the local stores and a clothing rack sitting next to the Hawkeye and Cyclone gear has T-shirts saying "Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".

...or when highway traffic is backed up for a half mile waiting for a passing zone to get around a combine or slow moving tractor and wagon.

Yeah, Iowa is an agricultural state and we have a lot of farmers living here....and there's no place I'd rather live.

Okay, it's time to post all of the fat women, flat land, flyover crap from all of you guys who've never even visited Iowa.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:03 pm

was in iowa just once, for a week for work maybe 16-17 years ago.

there was one thing that stood out to me.

fantastic titty bars.

who'dathunkit?

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:15 pm

Sudden Sam wrote:
smackaholic wrote:there was one thing that stood out to me.

fantastic titty bars.

Somebody tell smackie that they're called BARNS. :)

Nice that we made an impression on you, smackie.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:51 pm

not how i reall it.

boy, i musta been pretty drunk.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:58 pm

smackaholic wrote:not how i reall it.

boy, i musta been pretty drunk.

Hope you didn't wake up with a hangover AND a milk mustache.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:42 pm

I spent on night in Newton Iowa in 1994 on my way home from my Tour USA and Canada '94 trip. That was when it was still the home of Maytag. There was a big softball tournament in town that weekend and I had trouble getting a decent hotel room. The next day we left at 7 AM and I drove straight through to my home in Cortland NY, arriving at 3 AM the next morning.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:35 pm

Mace wrote:"Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".

I don't get it.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:48 pm

Moving Sale wrote:
Mace wrote:"Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".
I don't get it.

Probably not. You might have to live in the midwest or an ag state to "get it". John Deere tractors are green, International Harvestor-Case tractors are red, so you're either a green or a red kind of guy. Kind of like Ford or Chevy preference.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:53 pm

I got that JDs are green and IH are not, just didn't see what was so funny about the shirt, but then Calvin pissing on a Ford sticker isn't that funny to me either. Thanks for the breakdown. Have fun this evening you goat fucking dickface.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:54 pm

Go spend $150 on Billy Idol tickets, tiny.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:15 pm

Hey Mace. What's with the avatar: white football helmet w/ the big red "W" ?

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:21 pm

Wolfman wrote:Hey Mace. What's with the avatar: white football helmet w/ the big red "W" ?

Had an avatar bet with Goober on the Iowa-Wisconsin game last weekend. Didn't turn out so well for me. :)

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:38 pm

Mace wrote: Yeah, Iowa is an agricultural state and we have a lot of farmers living here....and there's no place I'd rather live.

I could go all

on you and write three paragraphs about how many onions and potatoes they dig up every year in Oregon...but I won't.

I'll say this though. It looks like you've got a lot of corn, a lot of cows and a lot of hogs, and not much else.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0104730.html

If they included seasonal fruit and vegetables, California would clean up even more.

http://stuffaboutstates.com/agriculture/index.html

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:17 pm

Mikey wrote:
Mace wrote: Yeah, Iowa is an agricultural state and we have a lot of farmers living here....and there's no place I'd rather live.
I could go all on you and write three paragraphs about how many onions and potatoes they dig up every year in Oregon...but I won't.

I'll say this though. It looks like you've got a lot of corn, a lot of cows and a lot of hogs, and not much else.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0104730.html

If they included seasonal fruit and vegetables, California would clean up even more.

http://stuffaboutstates.com/agriculture/index.html

I wasn't trying to lay claim to being the biggest or best, and was only saying that Iowa is primarily/overwhelmingly an agricultural state. Yep, lots and lots of corn raised here to feed our cattle and hogs (which translates to steaks and pork chops), and also lots of soybeans. Other than that, we don't raise mass quantities of anything. A lot of folks, at least in the rural areas, grow their own vegetables (sweet corn, onions, potatoes, green beans, tomatos, etc) and fruits (strawberries, apples, grapes, etc), but we don't ship out fruits and veggies like California because we can't mass produce and it wouldn't be profitable due to the shorter growing season here. It's harvest time in the heartland right now and the farmers have been working long hours for the past several weeks.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:34 pm

A little known fact is that I have a BS from the University of Maine in Agriculture, majoring in entomology and botany. When I was taking a course in Agricultural Economics, this was a topic of discussion:

http://www.wallacesfarmer.com/story.aspx?s=31177

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:38 pm

Wolfman wrote:A little known fact is that I have a BS from the University of Maine in Agriculture, majoring in entomology and botany. When I was taking a course in Agricultural Economics, this was a topic of discussion:

http://www.wallacesfarmer.com/story.aspx?s=31177

I remember that visit when I was a kid, and he even kept his shoes on.

TheJON · Post by **TheJON** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:08 pm

Mace wrote:.....when you walk into one of the local stores and a clothing rack sitting next to the Hawkeye and Cyclone gear has T-shirts saying "Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".

I don't get it. Is that a farmer joke? I have never been on a farm my entire life except to shoot off fireworks and party with some farmers daughters back in the day.

You'll have to excuse me, I don't venture outside of Iowa City or West Des Moines/Waukee/Johnston/Urbandale area except to travel to other parts of the country so I'm a little slow when it comes to farmer jokes.

Bucmonkey · Post by **Bucmonkey** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:24 pm

Seems like a lovely place to live...

TheJON · Post by **TheJON** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:35 pm

Bucmonkey wrote:Seems like a lovely place to live...

Depends who you are and what you want. If you want a nice home with a nice backyard, low crime, surprisingly decent nightlife, quality jobs, low cost of living and a fantastic school system (if you have kids), then I would say my suburb is a great place to live.

If you're looking to sacrifice having low crime rates and a good education system so you can live in a place near the beach (ie Florida), then it's probably not for you.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:37 pm

TheJON wrote:
Mace wrote:.....when you walk into one of the local stores and a clothing rack sitting next to the Hawkeye and Cyclone gear has T-shirts saying "Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".
I don't get it. Is that a farmer joke? I have never been on a farm my entire life except to shoot off fireworks and party with some farmers daughters back in the day.

You'll have to excuse me, I don't venture outside of Iowa City or West Des Moines/Waukee/Johnston/Urbandale area except to travel to other parts of the country so I'm a little slow when it comes to farmer jokes.

Some of you guys are pretty fukking stupid or just dense.

I've basically never been anywhere in flyover country, except for a few stops in Colorado, Minnesota, Chicago and Deetroit City, but even I got the gist of that the first time through.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:16 am

Bucmonkey wrote:Seems like a lovely place to live...

Yep. The town where I live is kind of like Mayberry. Wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it does to me. It's been a great place to raise a family because, like JON said, there's little crime, great schools, and the members of the community are like extended family. I can also drive anywhere in town in less than 60 seconds....seriously....and we have no stop lights in town. JON would be considered a city boy in Iowa (not that there's anything wrong with that...or that anyone here believes that there are actual cities in Iowa). I can get to Des Moines in less than 90 minutes and to Iowa City in a little over 2 hours, so I'm happy.

And, yes, JON, it was a "farmer joke". The t-shirt I mentioned would be worn by a farmer's kid who drives an IH-Case tractor. Not a FUNNY/HA HA joke, but...nevermind...I guess you just have to live in a farm community to appreciate it.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:18 am

Mikey wrote:
TheJON wrote:
Mace wrote:.....when you walk into one of the local stores and a clothing rack sitting next to the Hawkeye and Cyclone gear has T-shirts saying "Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".
I don't get it. Is that a farmer joke? I have never been on a farm my entire life except to shoot off fireworks and party with some farmers daughters back in the day.

You'll have to excuse me, I don't venture outside of Iowa City or West Des Moines/Waukee/Johnston/Urbandale area except to travel to other parts of the country so I'm a little slow when it comes to farmer jokes.
Some of you guys are pretty fukking stupid or just dense.

I've basically never been anywhere in flyover country, except for a few stops in Colorado, Minnesota, Chicago and Deetroit City, but even I got the gist of that the first time through.

I always knew you were an Iowa farmer at heart. :)

TheJON · Post by **TheJON** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:23 am

Mikey wrote:
TheJON wrote:
Mace wrote:.....when you walk into one of the local stores and a clothing rack sitting next to the Hawkeye and Cyclone gear has T-shirts saying "Friends don't let Friends Drive Green Tractors".
I don't get it. Is that a farmer joke? I have never been on a farm my entire life except to shoot off fireworks and party with some farmers daughters back in the day.

You'll have to excuse me, I don't venture outside of Iowa City or West Des Moines/Waukee/Johnston/Urbandale area except to travel to other parts of the country so I'm a little slow when it comes to farmer jokes.
Some of you guys are pretty fukking stupid or just dense.

I've basically never been anywhere in flyover country, except for a few stops in Colorado, Minnesota, Chicago and Deetroit City, but even I got the gist of that the first time through.

Actually, it's you that is stupid. I explained it pretty well that other parts of Iowa I don't go to, I only pass through.

Idiot.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:30 am

Moving Sale wrote: Have fun this evening you goat fucking dickface.

Pay the fuck attention a bit more you stupid dick sucking moron...Mace fucks sheep..not goats..better get that straight if you go to Iowa.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:33 am

Derron wrote:
Moving Sale wrote: Have fun this evening you goat fucking dickface.
Pay the fuck attention a bit more you stupid dick sucking moron...Mace fucks sheep..not goats..better get that straight if you go to Iowa.

I appreciate you clearing that up, Derron. I wouldn't want my goats to get as jumpy as my sheep. Thanks again.

TheJON · Post by **TheJON** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:34 am

Mace wrote:
Bucmonkey wrote:Seems like a lovely place to live...

Yep. The town where I live is kind of like Mayberry. Wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it does to me. It's been a great place to raise a family because, like JON said, there's little crime, great schools, and the members of the community are like extended family. I can also drive anywhere in town in less than 60 seconds....seriously....and we have no stop lights in town. JON would be considered a city boy in Iowa (not that there's anything wrong with that...or that anyone here believes that there are actual cities in Iowa). I can get to Des Moines in less than 90 minutes and to Iowa City in a little over 2 hours, so I'm happy.

And, yes, JON, it was a "farmer joke". The t-shirt I mentioned would be worn by a farmer's kid who drives an IH-Case tractor. Not a FUNNY/HA HA joke, but...nevermind...I guess you just have to live in a farm community to appreciate it.[/quote

I'm not knocking you, Mace, but doesn't living in a small town ever frustrate you? Everybody knowing everybody can kinda get annoying because everybody knows everything about everybody. Plus, you probably have 1 local bar and if it sucks, you're screwed. You have to drive an hour to go anywhere. I got a friend that's from Melrose (hour or so southwest of Des Moines) and she lives here in West Des Moines but is ALWAYS going down there on the weekends. Don't get me wrong, I like my neighbors. I'm pretty cool with everyone on our block. But it kinda seems like there's no privacy in a small town. I spent 3 months out in a small town in Montana about 8 years ago and those fuckers did NOTHING but talk shit about each other. I would talk to one person and he'd be telling me who all the local whores are and then you talk to the chicks in the town and they would tell you the specific guys that sucked in bed. Not that I really cared to know that, but I noticed everyone out there would talk shit about everyone else. To each their own, I suppose.

Back in HS, I was banging a chick that lived in Granger. I only knew a couple of kids that went to Woodward-Granger but somehow I was the most hated person in that town from about 1998-1999. Granted, I was fucking one of their girls and I shot bottle rockets at this douchebags house, but still.......I didn't even know these people. Pretty much disliked small towns ever since then!

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:36 am

Wolfman wrote:A little known fact is that I have a BS from the University of Maine in Agriculture, majoring in entomology and botany. When I was taking a course in Agricultural Economics, this was a topic of discussion:

http://www.wallacesfarmer.com/story.aspx?s=31177

Bunch of goddamn farmers on here..Agricultural Engineering - Oregon State.

And contrary to Mace and his sheep fetish..we used to go out and fuck the Animal Science girls working in the sheep barns..

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:37 am

Mace wrote:
Derron wrote:
Moving Sale wrote: Have fun this evening you goat fucking dickface.
Pay the fuck attention a bit more you stupid dick sucking moron...Mace fucks sheep..not goats..better get that straight if you go to Iowa.
I appreciate you clearing that up, Derron. I wouldn't want my goats to get as jumpy as my sheep. Thanks again.

Your welcome. I got your back..would not want some moron to think you were perverted and fucked goats.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:51 am

TheJON wrote:
Mace wrote:
Bucmonkey wrote:Seems like a lovely place to live...
Yep. The town where I live is kind of like Mayberry. Wouldn't appeal to everyone, but it does to me. It's been a great place to raise a family because, like JON said, there's little crime, great schools, and the members of the community are like extended family. I can also drive anywhere in town in less than 60 seconds....seriously....and we have no stop lights in town. JON would be considered a city boy in Iowa (not that there's anything wrong with that...or that anyone here believes that there are actual cities in Iowa). I can get to Des Moines in less than 90 minutes and to Iowa City in a little over 2 hours, so I'm happy.

And, yes, JON, it was a "farmer joke". The t-shirt I mentioned would be worn by a farmer's kid who drives an IH-Case tractor. Not a FUNNY/HA HA joke, but...nevermind...I guess you just have to live in a farm community to appreciate it.[/quote

I'm not knocking you, Mace, but doesn't living in a small town ever frustrate you? Everybody knowing everybody can kinda get annoying because everybody knows everything about everybody. Plus, you probably have 1 local bar and if it sucks, you're screwed. You have to drive an hour to go anywhere. I got a friend that's from Melrose (hour or so southwest of Des Moines) and she lives here in West Des Moines but is ALWAYS going down there on the weekends. Don't get me wrong, I like my neighbors. I'm pretty cool with everyone on our block. But it kinda seems like there's no privacy in a small town. I spent 3 months out in a small town in Montana about 8 years ago and those fuckers did NOTHING but talk shit about each other. I would talk to one person and he'd be telling me who all the local whores are and then you talk to the chicks in the town and they would tell you the specific guys that sucked in bed. Not that I really cared to know that, but I noticed everyone out there would talk shit about everyone else. To each their own, I suppose.

Back in HS, I was banging a chick that lived in Granger. I only knew a couple of kids that went to Woodward-Granger but somehow I was the most hated person in that town from about 1998-1999. Granted, I was fucking one of their girls and I shot bottle rockets at this douchebags house, but still.......I didn't even know these people. Pretty much disliked small towns ever since then!

I know you're not knocking me, JON, and, you're right, sometimes it gets a little aggravating that everyone knows what's going on in your life....only more aggravating when they think they know and make shit up....but it's also comforting to know that these same people who know what's going on with you and your family will be the first ones to help you out in a time of need. I could give you a large number of examples where these folks raise thousands of dollars to help someone who has suffered a tragic accident, death in the family, or some other personal catastrophe.
And, btw, Melrose is southEAST of Des Moines, not southwest. Learn your rural geography, JON. :)

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:52 am

Derron wrote:[Your welcome. I got your back..would not want some moron to think you were perverted and fucked goats.

Exactly. Gotta protect my reputation.

Imus · Post by **Imus** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:23 am

TheJON wrote:not much

Fuck all that. Tell us again about not being gay and taking face hits of cum?

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:24 am

KC Scott wrote:...and no Jon's - at least that I ever had to work with

You work much with Jons?

:o

How much do you charge? Felchco wants to know.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:34 am

KC Scott wrote:Rack Iowa - been all around that state - and the East side fron Dubuqe down to the Quad cities has a realnice hill quality looking over the Mississippi.

Really nice people up there as well - a lot like Mace, and no Jon's - at least that I ever had to work with

I'll take that as a high compliment, Scott, but I'm not sure there's a lot of Iowans like me. I've found that most prefer cows to sheep. :)

Which brings up a question from my neighbor. He wants to ask Sudden Sam if this cow is stump broke and, if so, what would be his asking price?

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:49 am

"'Beacuse no one steals at Hy Vee"

Whew! I guess he didn't know about all of the beer that was stolen out of the Osceola Hy-Vee when I was in high school.

TheJON · Post by **TheJON** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:15 am

KC Scott wrote:Speaking of School, The first year we put our systems into the Drugtown's in Iowa City the liquor gross improved 12%

Then some of the Ops people tried to say it was beacuse they were doing a better job of displaying it

"Dirty" John's Grocery was the spot to get booze on campus. It was more centrally located than Hy-Vee Drugtown. I only went to Drugtown if I was getting booze on my way back from work since I worked pretty much across the street. But it's not located near the dorms or the campus area apartments.

"Dirty" John's is this shit "grocery" store that really is a liquor store. I learned my junior year to NEVER buy groceries there because the refrigerated food was most likely expired. Once bought a quart of milk that had an expiration date of 2 months prior. Rack that! This is where the "Dirty" moniker comes from. But they had one heck of a booze selection.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:31 am

TheJON wrote:
Actually, it's you that is stupid. I explained it pretty well that other parts of Iowa I don't go to, I only pass through.

Idiot.

I meant the first time through the "joke" you dumb fuck.

You've probably gone through it 5 times by now, with explanations, and still don't get it.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:52 pm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
She's more likely to be pissed when she sees this post.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 4:22 pm

Got a dilapitated 68 Kombi sitting under a tree in thew backyard.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Oct 29, 2010 4:28 pm

Mace wrote:You know you're in Iowa.......when highway traffic is backed up for a half mile waiting for a passing zone to get around a combine or slow moving tractor.

Hmmm.... spent a whole buncha time last week waiting for tractors to get off the road in Eastern Oregon last week. Get's kinda dramatic out there (in the shithole part of the West), since "traffic" is moving along at about 90MPH, then there's a tractor.

BTW -- after further review -- anyone who has resigned themselves to living anywhere in the Great Basin is a loser of the highest order. Not many people do, since the only water is what flows off the mountains in snowmelt and a little bit of springwater. Other than that... same old sagebrush and scrubgrass as far as the eye can see.