T1B

Fuck golf. Yeah, I said it. It's a stupid fucking game played by douchebags and dickslaps. Please stop telling me what you shot last weekend, because I don't fucking care. Take your "sticks," your khakis, your polos, your U2 cds, and shove it all up your ass.

Fuck the money, the equipment, and the time committment necessary. It's not a game, it's an ordeal.

Fuck all the faggy little rules and etiquette. Emily Post thinks it's ridiculous.

Fuck watching golf. Yes, pro golfers are tremendously talented, but how the hell do you develop a connection or a rooting interest for a 46 year old dude with a beer gut? Fuck the vocally-cadaverous announcers. Except when I need something to fall asleep to.

Fuck the inventor of golf. Of all the things to ponder up, your idea involved chopping down hundreds of beautiful acres of woods, fields, and forrests to... play a game? Brilliant.

Fuck golf and fuck you all.

"Hello, friends."

Sin,

World's #1 toolbox

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Fuck coons.

I'm with ya, bro.

Take it to the Golf Forum, douche-bucket.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Fuck the inventor of golf. Of all the things to ponder up, your idea involved chopping down hundreds of beautiful acres of woods, fields, and forrests to... play a game? Brilliant.

DEAD. FUCKING. WRONG.

The inventors of the game used what was known as "links" land, the sandy, only good for grazing sheep land that served as a natural barrier between the beaches and inland farmland. They did it that way for hundreds of years until American robber barons decided to export the game to our shores. Only THEN did the construction of golf courses begin to involve changing the fundamental characteristics of the land the course occupied.

Jesus christ almighty, you are one monolothic dork.

Fuck the "people responsible." That better, Bthwacked?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Fuck golf. Yeah, I said it. It's a stupid fucking game played by douchebags and dickslaps. Please stop telling me what you shot last weekend, because I don't fucking care. Take your "sticks," your khakis, your polos, your U2 cds, and shove it all up your ass.

+1

I like golf. I respect the hell out of it. But I'm just one of those fairweather golf fans. I can't STAND playing it. I pay attention to keep up, but I only really go out of my way to watch the Masters and the U.S. Open on TV. I might go up to Congressional to catch one of the practice round days. Hoping my friend will hook me up with a corporate ticket for one of the tournament days, but that probably won't happen.

Augusta is a beautiful course. And the Masters is apparently the easiest major to win.

http://blogs.golf.com/presstent/2011/04 ... -win-.html

BSmack wrote:The inventors of the game used what was known as "links" land, the sandy, only good for grazing sheep land that served as a natural barrier between the beaches and inland farmland.

Except that they called it "gooooF"

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Fuck the money, the equipment, and the time committment necessary. It's not a game, it's an ordeal.

Fuck golf and fuck you all.

Fail to break 100 again?

Don't worry, you'll be back in a week or so.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Jesus christ almighty, you are absolutely correct.

FTFY.

BTW: Did you know that the reason bunkers (sand traps for you yahoos) exist is because sheep used to huddle in sandy depressions in links land to protect themselves from the fierce winds coming off the North Sea? Over the years, these depressions got deeper and the grass stopped growing in these depressions altogether, thereby creating the modern day bunker. So the next time you hit a ball in the sand, go yell at some sheep.

BSmack wrote: Over the years, these depressions got deeper and the grass stopped growing in these depressions altogether, thereby creating the modern day bunker.

Actually the "modern day" bunker is created by one of these.

BSmack wrote:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Jesus christ almighty, you are absolutely correct.

FTFY.

Did I say you were wrong? Who gives a fuck? The inventors of golf, the inventors of the idea. Whatever. "Fuck the American robber barons who decided to export the game to our shores which led to the construction of golf courses and the changing fundamental characteristics of the land the course occupied" doesn't sound very snappy, now does it, ASSHOLE?

I'll ponder your thoughts, MaGoo...

while I'm pondering whether to sneak out for 9 this afternoon, since our record-breaking shitty early spring weather is taking a day off from beating us down into oblivion.


And it must suck -- they've only been holding tournies at St. Andrews for 500 years now... I'm sure it's just a passing fad.

Mikey wrote:

BSmack wrote: Over the years, these depressions got deeper and the grass stopped growing in these depressions altogether, thereby creating the modern day bunker.

Actually the "modern day" bunker is created by one of these.

Roughed out by a back hoe or excavator...then filled with one of these,



The finished out with one of these.

Yeah, but the only one that looks anything like a sheep is the one wearing the red hat, and he's not protecting himself from the wind.

Mikey wrote:Yeah, but the only one that looks anything like a sheep is the one wearing the red hat, and he's not protecting himself from the wind.

Maybe if Mace fucked him a couple times he would learn to take cover. Granted he wouldn't be taking cover from the wind, but it would be a reasonable facsimile.

mvscal wrote:

Mikey wrote:Yeah, but the only one that looks anything like a sheep is the one wearing the red hat, and he's not protecting himself from the wind.

Maybe if Mace fucked him a couple times he would learn to take cover. Granted he wouldn't be taking cover from the wind, but it would be a reasonable facsimile.

Good point. I hear they call Mace 'the Breeze".

Nice rant, MGO...

We need more of that around here.

War Wagon wrote:

For some reason only the first 4:12 loaded up for me, but Rome forgot a few blasts:

Golf guy is convinced that, if only he had taken up the game earlier in life, he'd be on the PGA tour right about now.

Golf guy is counting down the days until his 50th birthday so he can apply for membership on the Seniors Tour.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:Nice rant, MGO...

We need more of that around here.

3nd.

Goober McTuber wrote:Take it to the Golf Forum, douche-bucket.

It's about reaching a larger audience, dicklock. It's also a safe assumption that all 3 people who post in the golf forum post here as well.

I'm surprised there hasn't been more opposition.

This shithole doesn't have enough traffic to warrant subforums. Maybe one for cooking which gets a bit of traffic from time to time. Other than that, fuggit. Last I checked nish was still the mod of the footie forum and he hasn't been here in a year or so.

I'm with stupid. ^^^^ I think we should abolish all forums except for baseball, basketball, football, hockey and cooking.

smackaholic wrote:This shithole doesn't have enough traffic to warrant subforums. Maybe one for cooking which gets a bit of traffic from time to time. Other than that, fuggit.

Uhh, the college football forum has 116,656 posts to the cooking forum's 4620, Oh Observant One. That place is active all year round, and has quite a few regulars that post exclusively in that forum. Check out M Club's PET, which is one of the best I've seen: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=38236

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:

Goober McTuber wrote:Take it to the Golf Forum, douche-bucket.

It's about reaching a larger audience, dicklock.

Lighten up, choad-chomper. I was just upping your reply count so that people would think this is an interesting thread.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:

smackaholic wrote:This shithole doesn't have enough traffic to warrant subforums. Maybe one for cooking which gets a bit of traffic from time to time. Other than that, fuggit.

Uhh, the college football forum has 116,656 posts to the cooking forum's 4620, Oh Observant One. That place is active all year round, and has quite a few regulars that post exclusively in that forum. Check out M Club's PET, which is one of the best I've seen: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=38236

OK, let's have BTPCF, college hoops, NFL, MLB, cooking, maybe NHL and NBA and this shithole.

Ohhh, yeah, I forgot. We should have an abortion forum too.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:

BSmack wrote:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Jesus christ almighty, you are absolutely correct.

FTFY.

Did I say you were wrong? Who gives a fuck? The inventors of golf, the inventors of the idea. Whatever. "Fuck the American robber barons who decided to export the game to our shores which led to the construction of golf courses and the changing fundamental characteristics of the land the course occupied" doesn't sound very snappy, now does it, ASSHOLE?

So, what you're saying is that you cannot bang out a factual take about golf that is coherent or funny. Yet you hate the game. Ponderous.

Dude. It was a spontaneous message board rant, not a senior thesis. I suppose I could have taken the time to research such trivialities, but that's why we keep big-brained dorks like you around. Good work, Bcyclopedia.

*UPDATE*

Golf still sucks.

It definitely has today.

Today has been awesome -- not sure which tourney you guys are watching.

My man Ben Crane is rollin. My main man, Robert Garrigus, not so much.

And Stenson put on a show. Went from boat racing to laughingstock in the length of a snowman. Awesome.

Just the nastiest greens anywhere.

Dinsdale wrote: Just the nastiest greens anywhere.

What they do to these greens is unreal...already cut them down to .12 or .10, maybe double cut them daily, get a fucking greens roller out there across the green at least once a day, and just give them enough water to stay alive.

Back in the day when I sold turf equipment, I only knew one super who had a tour event and he said it was unreal. Average Joe golfer would have trouble with these greens if even half of what they did for a tour event was normal. Stimps up 12-13... No wonder the ball blows past the hole..

Matter of fact, there might be a drunken chipping contest in my yard tonight. Shit gets intense... not really.

Damn, I had almost forgotten about mgo's meltdown.

Derron wrote:

i guess the last three years have been rough on Zy....

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:Nice rant, MGO...

We need more of that around here.

I'll second that a year later. Not pulling any punches, there.

Screw_Michigan wrote: a year later.

jsc's application for modship of the aforementioned abortion forum has been at the deciders desk for that long?