T1B

so I don't need to post the whole story, but in case you missed it he was hit by a drunk driver.

I went to each parole hearing and always spoke against parole for the killer. Dude wasn't paroled the first three times he was eligible, but was on the 4th time. He has been out for about 3 years now. In that time he has separated from his wife, but not divorced. Dude is back working at the place he partially owned. My mom also won a civil judgement against him a few years after my dad's death which paid a lump sum from their liability insurance and from some of their stock and retirement holdings. The balance of the judgement is due in 10 annual installments, the first of which is due early next month.

Dude has three girls and one of them is approaching college. My mom being the retired teacher she is, is considering using some the annual payment to set up a college fund for each of the three girls. Her feeling is that just because these girls have an idiot for a father doesn't mean they should miss out on college. Dude isn't in any position to be able to pay for his girls to go to college and he is unlikely to even be able to pay 50% of this first annual payment.

I am torn. I understand that my mom really doesn't need all of that money, but at the same time she should certainly enjoy her retirement. She worked hard to support two boys when her husband was taken from her in the prime of their life. She is also going to use some of the money to endow two scholarships in my dad's name. Even if she does help the kids out, she will still get a pretty decent amount of cash each year.

Not that she is going to read this, but any strong thoughts or suggestions?

It is hers to do what she sees fit to do with. She sounds like a great lady. I'm not sure I would be as merciful.

BSmack wrote:It is hers to do what she sees fit to do with. She sounds like a great lady. I'm not sure I would be as merciful.

^this.

Short response- It's her cash and her choice on what to do with it.

There are many different ways to look at this but in the end, I think you have to look at this way- your mom doesn't likely need the money so by holding onto it to further pad a comfortable retirement may only remind her of the pain that she went through when she lost her husband and your dad.

Instead she's letting it go and at the same time trying to make sure that no one else suffers. I'm not a spreadsheet kinda guy but you seem to be doing well with your life, your mom is retired and living comfortably and the guy who killed your dad will NEVER have a normal life again. Though your mom owes nothing to the daughters, her extreme generosity is ensuring that whatever poor choices their dad made, they end with him and they have a chance to have a better life and hopefully pass it on.

Just my 2 cents.

No doubt my mom is much more forgiving and generous than I am. She reflects on the 25 years she had with my dad as they were dating and married.

I am not trying to help her make up her mind, but I guess I still feel like I missed out and blame him for taking my dad. Just a few weeks ago we had our annual Dad's trip with the hockey team where each member of the travel party has their dads join us for a three game road trip. Even though a good friend of my dad has been a great stand in for him on these type of things and a guy I can call and talk to him about things most would call their dad about, it isn't the same.

I guess I still want to see him punished for the way I still feel.

LS, when did this happen? How old were you?

^^^ Great call. I was going to say, you might want to have her set up some provisions for the money. "College money" that ends up in the hands of 18 year olds often gets spent on non-college things, unless beer and road trips count.

what makes her think that asshole hasn't already provided for his kids education?

or that he wouldn't?

or couldn't?

what makes he think her generosity would be welcomed?

why does she think this is even any of her business to meddle in?

Left Seater wrote:
I guess I still want to see him punished for the way I still feel.

You could run him down in your car

Left Seater wrote:I guess I still want to see him punished for the way I still feel.

Link him up to this shit-hole.

Sounds like you have a great mom. Rack her.

I would have put the money into a scholarship fund for the kids of people offed by drunks.

Actually, I would have prolly spent it on a porsche, but, my second choice would have been ^^^^^.

Bottom line, as has been said repeatedly, it's her jack. let her spend it where she chooses.

R-Jack wrote:You could run him down in your car

I usually farm this type of work out to Chip. Dude is nails.

I'm sorry for your loss, LS. And you're 100% correct in what you called it...

Everyone else has pretty much nailed my thoughts on your mother's wishes. I think she might also view it as a chance to make some good come out of something tragic. If the murderer was an alcoholic the chances of the two girls getting a sniff at college financially was probably pretty low. Your mother setting up a conditional trust fund (great idea, 88) will help her do that while allowing her to also let go of her anger towards the dirtbag.

You might also contact your local DA to see if they can refer you to a victims group in your area. It might help you to either get counseling or at least have a support group.

I was 14 when he was killed. I thought most of y'all knew the story at this point. Sorry for assuming.

88, that is her plan. Money could only be used for specific things, books, tuition, etc and also certain gpa requirements.

Derron, dude isn't going to be able to make the scheduled as per his atty. per the agreement my mom gets paid before his retirement or college or other stuff. There are penalties built in if he does certain things. Plus all his income has to be disclosed along with his spending.

Lefty, maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you were much older than 14. I thought you said your dad saw a few of your games at Rice.

As for the $$$, I'm pretty much in agreement with what's already been said, so no need to repeat it.

Rack Marty, btw.

No, a few years ago I posted how I was sad about all the things he missed. Games at Rice, wedding, graduation, birthdays, ATP rating, starting a company, etc, etc.

Left Seater wrote:No, a few years ago I posted how I was sad about all the things he missed. Games at Rice, wedding, graduation, birthdays, ATP rating, starting a company, etc, etc.

Fwiw, focus on the good times you spent with him and quit beating yourself up with all of the things he's missed. It will drive you crazy. My mother died when I was 24 and never saw her grandchildren or daughters-in-law, graduations, marriages, etc. I dwelled on those things for awhile until I realized how fruitless and unproductive it is to do so.

Mace it isn't like I can't function due to depression or anything. There are just times where things are remembered or triggered and I feel sad. If we are lucky enough to have a kid some day I will likely feel sad along with happy, excited, overprotective etc. when I see my father in law holding the kid for the first time.