Todd, a peace offering of sorts
Posted: Sun May 26, 2013 2:22 am
Todd, it seems we recently got off on the wrong foot. See, I got to thinking, it could just be that our differences are nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. Confused, I turned to God and asked for guidance. Allow me to quote from the Book of Ephesians:
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Amen.
That said, I come bearing gifts in hopes that you will forgive my malice towards you and maybe one day we can even be "bros." Well, hey, we can work on that, LOL. Anyway, on with the gifts!
Gift #1
When it comes to those "quick fixes" around the house, a roll of duct tape is a man's best friend.
Gift #2
I've always said, everyone should have at least 30' of rope on hand at all times. You just never know when it will come in handy. Anything from a towing device to a backyard game of tug of war!
Gift #3
If an intruder breaks into your home, I recommend a gun for self defense. If no gun, try a sneak attack with a little chloroform. You won't have to live with the burden of killing someone -- just knock them out and let the cops take care of the rest.
Gift #4
Let's face it, anyone with any cooking sense whatsoever needs a decent set of knives. And what great timing, being the holiday weekend and all. I'm sure these will come in handy when you prepare your Memorial Day feast!
Gift #5
With summertime comes more guests and...gasp...kids...invading your home! This means more spills and stains, oh no! Don't worry, Oxi Clean is terrific at getting out those deep stains...those particularly deep, dark red stains out of mattresses, bed sheets, things like that. You know, like cranberry juice. Yeah...cranberry juice.
Gift #6
You'll be happy to know I filed the necessary paperwork for your passport. Whether it's work, travel, whatever...sometimes ya just gotta leave the country at the drop of a hat. You know?
So there you go, Todd. I hope you find these gifts useful and I also hope you accept them as a token of my regret. Cheers, good buddy.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Amen.
That said, I come bearing gifts in hopes that you will forgive my malice towards you and maybe one day we can even be "bros." Well, hey, we can work on that, LOL. Anyway, on with the gifts!
Gift #1
When it comes to those "quick fixes" around the house, a roll of duct tape is a man's best friend.
Gift #2
I've always said, everyone should have at least 30' of rope on hand at all times. You just never know when it will come in handy. Anything from a towing device to a backyard game of tug of war!
Gift #3
If an intruder breaks into your home, I recommend a gun for self defense. If no gun, try a sneak attack with a little chloroform. You won't have to live with the burden of killing someone -- just knock them out and let the cops take care of the rest.
Gift #4
Let's face it, anyone with any cooking sense whatsoever needs a decent set of knives. And what great timing, being the holiday weekend and all. I'm sure these will come in handy when you prepare your Memorial Day feast!
Gift #5
With summertime comes more guests and...gasp...kids...invading your home! This means more spills and stains, oh no! Don't worry, Oxi Clean is terrific at getting out those deep stains...those particularly deep, dark red stains out of mattresses, bed sheets, things like that. You know, like cranberry juice. Yeah...cranberry juice.
Gift #6
You'll be happy to know I filed the necessary paperwork for your passport. Whether it's work, travel, whatever...sometimes ya just gotta leave the country at the drop of a hat. You know?
So there you go, Todd. I hope you find these gifts useful and I also hope you accept them as a token of my regret. Cheers, good buddy.
bury the hatchet
