T1B

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:21 pm**

So the past two weeks I have had "events" happen while mowing my yard.

Two weeks ago while mowing I notice this older lady holding eye contact while she is walking by. Trailing behind her by half a block is an older man who nods as he passes and I give him a friendly wave. About 20 minutes later the old lady is back and has stopped on the side of the yard near the trash bag where I am bagging the clippings. I shut off the mower and say hello. She says "you do fantastic work". At this same time I hear a yell and look and it is the old man still about a half block back. He is yelling "god dammit Alice, that is the fucking homeowner." She looks shocked and then starts to apologize. I just chuckle and say no worries. By now the old guy is along side and he apologizes as well. He says we comment often on the nice look of your yard and wanted to hire your yard guy. I thank him and explain the Mrs is mostly responsible for the plants and layout and handle the mowing etc. He apologizes again and they resume their walk.

Then yesterday while mowing some guy stops his car across the street and walks up to the house across the street. He knocks on the door and very shortly thereafter the door is shut and he is walking towards me. I shut off the mower and the guy asks if I own the place. I respond that I do and he launches into full blown enviro whack job mode. Tells me I am killing the planet having carpet grass, by bagging the clippings, by using a gas mower, by having an SUV in the driveway. I just replaced my earplugs and started up the mower and resumed cutting my lawn. After about 30 seconds of staring at me dude moves off and knocks on the neighbors door. No answer and he moves down the street. I forget about him until later when the police drive up (in their SUV) and want to talk. I walk over to them and they ask if I have seen a guy matching xyz description. I tell them I have and that his car is parked across the street. They thank me and drive off. Shortly thereafter dude comes walking back to his car and the police arrive a few seconds behind him. They spend a few minutes checking his ID and whatnot then issue the guy a ticket. Turns out you have to have a permit to go door to door in my hood. It doesn't matter if you are selling products, campaigning, sharing info, etc. All of it requires a permit and dude didn't have one. But he did get a ticket and as he drove off I gave him a wave. He gave me a gesture like the bus driver screwy had as his avatar.

Can't wait for the next salesperson or campaign slappy to knock on my door. First thing I will do is ask to see their permit. If they don't have one, I will call the cops after I shut the door in their face.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:26 pm**

glad to hear you are considerate enough to not leave small piles of clippings on the street that someone may have to run over...

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 9:41 pm**

MrsO and I take care of the landscaping on our corner property. One of the reasons we live here is because MrsO loves to do gardening. We had around 8 trees removed when we first moved here. Took out backyard fencing and put in hedges. MrsO plans everything. I'm basically a mower/hedge trimmer and facilitator. It is an ongoing job. Here's an aerial view of the compound. Note solar pool heater on south facing roof. BTW--the area here, Whiskey Creek, is a deed restricted community and part of that is a ban on door to door solicitors, etc. Guess that does not stop the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 9:44 pm**

Sudden Sam wrote:I wish I had video of my Snapper flipping backwards for y'all to enjoy.

We're talking about your current wife? Yes, pics please.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 9:47 pm**

schmick wrote:My lawn service is all envirotech, the mowers are reel mowers that use propane motors or something that are so quiet I cant even hear them, the green trash cans are filled with tree trimmings and dog poop, the lawn clippings stay on the yard to help feed it. I dunno, its green and looks good and the guys can do my yard at 630 am and not wake anyone in the neighborhood up

Too much of a pussy to do it yourself, I guess.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:14 pm**

My lawn service is all brown skin dreamers, the mowers are old-school two-stroke jobs that would probably run better on leaded gas. They belch enough exhaust to more that make up for what I try to do to reduce my carbon footprint. They show up every two weeks and scatter like cockroaches with the light on since they hit three of my neighbors yards during the same visit but I never see them since I am at work. I dunno, the semblance of the lawn is shorter and all the crap that drops from the stand of redwoods in my backyard is picked up. Would much rather pay $30 a pop then spend two hours on a Saturday doing it all. For the weenie types, I am almost positive they do not clean their equipment between jobs, so most likely they are spreading various grass/weed seeds from site to site, but I am not some much concerned about that as how much their next client should be after they leave my place.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:37 pm**

I'm a firm believer that if I can't take care of my own yard then I shouldn't have a yard. Mine may not be the nicest one on the street but at least it's mine.

I used to have about 4,000 sq ft of lawn - two small and neatly trimmed ones in the side and back yards, one larger one (about 3,000 sq ft) in the front. Mowed them all with a self-powered push mower until several years ago when I got tired of watering, weeding, fertilizing and chasing gophers - and mowing. Now I just get about 1/2 acre of weeds that go from zero to three or four feet after the first couple of rains each year. That's when I broke down and got one of these:

I can do the whole yard in about 30 minutes.

Posted: **Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:41 pm**

After running a landscape business for 20 years I have plenty of stories, but in order to feed the perceived notions of my prepper ways, one of the better ones happened last week.

I keep a nice place ( sup suckoholic), my yards are all level and seeded with the finest ryegrass I used on golf courses, fertilized and sprayed for weeds. Big yards, about 15,000 square feet. Have a nice 12 tree orchard with 2 rolls of espaliered fruit trees. I mow a strip around my 5 acres for walking and keep the airstrip mowed as well.

During my usual Thursday afternoon mowings, twice a week usually at about 1.5 inches, pretty tight, I am mowing the T ball area and I look over and see this fucking possum run out of my chicken coop. It sees me and starts moving off. Not wanting it to get away and continue its egg eating ways on chicken and pheasant eggs, I deftly grab both handles of my commercial grade Exmark zero turn mower, and purse this Missouri meal.

The possums is trying to get to my neighbors shed and tall grass, but I come up about 20 feet from it, draw my ever present 9mm and triple tap that fucker on the run. All 3 shots connect and he flops.

I set it out for bait for coyotes on the trail cam and they won't even eat it. Sniff it two different nights and walk away from it. So I throw it out in the field, and next day a turkey buzzard comes along and eats a bit of it. Next day, he and 2 of his homies return and polish off that stinking carcass in about 30 minutes. minutes.

They keep coming back about every two days looking for more. Should have a coyote or two in the next month for them, good entertainment.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 12:01 am**

Roach wrote:Separate circuit so I can turn it on with my phone, and watch it on one of my Fostex F19821W ip cameras. Or from front porch.

I've hit him twice now, and since heard no comments. Monday he walked on the other side of the road.

Happy Fukkin' Earth Day

When I ran my sports turf business, we had water management contracts on 13 different facilities. We had remote control controllers, satellite based, all activated from our office a hundred miles away. We installed proximity sensors which told us when people were on the field, and for unauthorized use they would call our cell phones and office phones. We had also installed web cams at all the facilities and we would look at them and then fire off the sprinkler systems when the jocks jumped the fences and tried to have non scheduled games.

I got pretty good at nailing them as they tried to move around the field. Got one guy square in the nad one time from about 5 feet away. Put him on his ass and soaked him down good.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 12:03 am**

Mikey wrote:I'm a firm believer that if I can't take care of my own yard then I shouldn't have a yard. Mine may not be the nicest one on the street but at least it's mine.

I'm with you on that Mikey. Over the years I have been slowly replacing with various ornamental plants that keep me plenty busy. The mow-blow-and go crew are not allowed to touch anything else. Well, except for a couple of those medium sized evergreen shrubs that I let them get their genetically inherited mojo out on to trim into the shape of a globe.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 12:19 am**

So this is what it's come to? Stories about grass? Time to put this place out to pasture.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 1:13 am**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote: Stories about grass.

This is probably like some kind of Bat Signal to Smackie.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 5:43 am**

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:So this is what it's come to? Stories about grass?

Consider the author;
Tom Osborne hasn't figured out a way to pardon Charles Mansion yet.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 11:23 am**

Cornhusker wrote:
MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:So this is what it's come to? Stories about grass?
Consider the author;
Tom Osborne hasn't figured out a way to pardon Charles Mansion yet.

Looks like I found some new digs. Guess I will be splitting my time between Screwy's and Cornhusker's dome.

Edit: Dr Tom would be the only one in the U.S. who would even consider a pardon for Chuck. Sadly it fits right in with his M.O.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 2:37 pm**

Left Seater wrote:

Can't wait for the next salesperson or campaign slappy to knock on my door. First thing I will do is ask to see their permit. If they don't have one, I will call the cops after I shut the door in their face.

Sounds like a good way to handle trick-or-treaters too.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 2:50 pm**

Mikey wrote:
Left Seater wrote:

Can't wait for the next salesperson or campaign slappy to knock on my door. First thing I will do is ask to see their permit. If they don't have one, I will call the cops after I shut the door in their face.
Sounds like a good way to handle trick-or-treaters too.

Maybe. But the best way to handle trick-or-treaters is to just not be home. Oh, and to put the Boxes in ther kennel right by the front door. She barks at any noise when she is in her kennel and it sounds pretty scary from the other side of the door.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 4:08 pm**

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas, mowing his front lawn, as he always did. A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" Lee responded, "Yes Ma'am, I do." The lady then asked, "What do you charge to do yard work?" Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her." The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 4:56 pm**

Rack the merry mex!

If I could play a round of golf with any PGA legend, it would be him. And maybe that other spic, Chi Chi. I played golf regularly with some dude when I was in the Navy, who's old man was a buddy of chi chi. Said he was one funny SOB. Just like he appears when hamming it up on camera.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 5:32 pm**

smackaholic wrote:Rack the merry mex!

If I could play a round of golf with any PGA legend, it would be him. And maybe that other spic, Chi Chi.

I'm sure either of those guys would be tickled pick to play a round of golf with a xenophobic retard.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 5:44 pm**

Where is the "grass clippings" troll when you need him?

Best troll ever, who (mercifully) ran Rack Fu with a little help from a multiple pile on.

I will never bag grass clippings, btw.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 5:55 pm**

That's why God made mulching mowers.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 6:47 pm**

War Wagon wrote:
I will never bag grass clippings, btw.

Goober McTuber wrote:That's why God made mulching mowers.

I have a mulching mower and mulch 60% of the time and bag the other 40%. In the spring when weeds and other grasses are going to seed, I bag the clippings. Also in July and Aug when the grass needs to be cut every 5-6 days I bag so as not to add overwhelm the lawn.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 7:29 pm**

Left Seater wrote:Also in July and Aug when the grass needs to be cut every 5-6 days I bag so as not to add overwhelm the lawn.

I mulch every time. My lawn, like its owner, is badass.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 7:40 pm**

Goober McTuber wrote:
Left Seater wrote:Also in July and Aug when the grass needs to be cut every 5-6 days I bag so as not to add overwhelm the lawn.
I mulch every time. My lawn, like its owner, is badass.

You also don't deal with 100+ degree days for a few months and also don't have St Augustine.

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:10 pm**

War Wagon wrote:Where is the "grass clippings" troll when you need him?

Best troll ever, who (mercifully) ran Rack Fu with a little help from a multiple pile on.

I will never bag grass clippings, btw.

$54,000 SUV without 4WD if memory serves me well :grin:

Posted: **Thu Apr 23, 2015 10:48 pm**

Left Seater wrote:I have a mulching mower and mulch 60% of the time and bag the other 40%. In the spring when weeds and other grasses are going to seed, I bag the clippings. Also in July and Aug when the grass needs to be cut every 5-6 days I bag so as not to add overwhelm the lawn.

I mulch every time as long as the grass isn't too high, wet, or both. Mulching is quicker. If you have to use the side discharge then you have to go around in circles so as not to blow it on to the yet to be mowed grass.

Just sharpened the blade today at work on a grinding stone wheel. Happiness is a freshly mowed yard with a sharp blade. Need to put down the weed & feed to keep the fucking dandelions under control. There's another thing I despise, and yes, they are kicking my ass.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 1:50 am**

I tried to impress and surprise my husband once by mowing the lawn for him. We have a nice rechargeable battery mower. I should do that again sometime.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 1:55 am**

Left Seater wrote:He gave me a gesture like the bus driver screwy had as his avatar.

Just say no to them. Why is that so hard? Do you ever ask yourself why you find yourself in these situations? It's like you attract these nutjobs. Well, you do live in Texas, so that's half the problem.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 2:06 am**

War Wagon wrote:
I will never bag grass clippings, btw.

What in the world do you do with them?

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 2:53 am**

A few moons ago I was to mow my grandad's lawn. Tried to start the mower for five minutes, it wouldn't kick over so I got fed up. I reefed on the chord and didn't put my foot on the mower to keep it down, I pulled it a foot in the air, it started in mid-flight and landed on my foot.

Queue Fiday The Thirteenth, a trip to the hospital and grandad couldn't stop laughing.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 2:08 pm**

I love how Mikey calls someone out for being a yard pussy, then posts his whimpy riding lawnmower.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 2:50 pm**

So, trev is your...yard neatly trimmed, I mean mowed?

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 5:13 pm**

No funny or strange stories, but my wife and I recently bought a house with an extensive lawn sown with fescue grass. It's beautiful stuff, but after having about 10 sq yards' worth of centipede grass at our last place and having the neighbor kid mow it for a few bucks, getting a lawn mower for the new place was a decision we needed to make. After considering an assortment of mowers ranging from zero turns, tractor riders, and push mowers, we chose a Honda pusher with all the bells and whistles. At a third of the cost of a basic entry rider, I'm hoping it'll do the trick.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 6:22 pm**

Left Seater wrote:Edit: Dr Tom would be the only one in the U.S. who would even consider a pardon for Chuck. Sadly it fits right in with his M.O.

No way Tom Brubaker would pardon Manson. Manson is too old, too skinny and his 40 time sucks.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:18 pm**

War Wagon wrote:. Need to put down the weed & feed to keep the fucking dandelions under control. There's another thing I despise, and yes, they are kicking my ass.

The reason they are kicking your ass Wags is that weed and feed is the worst way to try and control weeds. They impregnate some 2 / 4 D on the fertilizer pellets, which is usually a shit all soluble fertilizer anyway, and then tell you to apply when it is wet. Now think about this, since the only contact the herbicide has with the target weed, (dandelion etc) is when a pellet manages to stay on a weed leaf long enough to release its miniscule amount of herbicide on to the weed leaf, it is usually just enough to make a brown spot on the leaf and no more. And the actual amount of 2 4 D that may be applied to a bag and then over your square footage is probably a 10th of what you need for even minimal control

But of course the fertilizer portion still releases immediately and makes the grass grow like a bitch and the weeds as well. Since broad leaf weeds have a lot of water in them the amount of control you get is minimal, but the amount of fertilizer you are giving the weeds is huge, very big offset in the wrong way.

Mix in a hose end sprayer with a Weed B Gon type product and spray the whole lawn, and for crist sakes follow the fucking instructions as to how much chemical you put in the sprayer. More does not equal better control.

This is about as easy as it gets.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:28 pm**

trev wrote:
War Wagon wrote:
I will never bag grass clippings, btw.
What in the world do you do with them?

Interesting question..what do golf courses do with them??..think about it......nothing save for the greens. Every body has been trained to think that you need to bag your clippings, and in the northern areas you can see the spics with their pickups piled high with mowed and bagged grass paying $ 15 a pickup load to get rid of a substance that is close to 80% water.

When you bag clippings, you remove over 50% of any applied fertilizers in the first three weeks of mowing.Commercial equipment manufactuers in the early 1990's started developing and buying up patents on mulching mowers. I was a field rep for a Toro distributor and they sent me various machines for over two years of field trials in wet Northwest conditions. We did all kinds of crazy things with these units, send them back, and build the changes in.

I had a commercial landscape business for a while and we started using mulching mowers only. Saved us and our clients thousands of dollars. I have not bagged a blade of grass in almost 20 years, and I had some very high end sport complexes under contract. Bagging grass in most cases is not needed. Lefty gave some valid reasons, and southern grassses can be quite a bit different.

Posted: **Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:52 pm**

2nd the hose-end sprayer for 2-4D. Give it a quick spray over the lawn (and NOT surrounding plants, and do it when there's zero wind), then hit it again in a couple of weeks. You can get a premixed sprayer that has crabgrass killer in it too, if that's a problem for you (sure is here).

Takes 5 minutes, and problem solved.

Posted: **Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:11 am**

Derron wrote:Now think about this, since the only contact the herbicide has with the target weed, (dandelion etc) is when a pellet manages to stay on a weed leaf long enough to release its miniscule amount of herbicide on to the weed leaf, it is usually just enough to make a brown spot on the leaf and no more. And the actual amount of 2 4 D that may be applied to a bag and then over your square footage is probably a 10th of what you need for even minimal control

But of course the fertilizer portion still releases immediately and makes the grass grow like a bitch and the weeds as well. Since broad leaf weeds have a lot of water in them the amount of control you get is minimal, but the amount of fertilizer you are giving the weeds is huge, very big offset in the wrong way.

It's even worse than that. 2-4D is a herbicide the way water is a mammaliancide (if that's a word). It's a plant hormone that causes the weed to grow. Put on a little the plant actually grows. It's only a herbicide in large quantities. The same way some water is good for you, and too much will kill you. So weed and feed (in the wrong form) adds a growth hormone and fertilizer and water to the weed. Soluble W&F is the way to go for lazy homeowners, but most pros don't even use that.

Posted: **Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:35 am**

Bayer Advanced works great...use it whenever I see anything messing with my lawn.

Posted: **Sat Apr 25, 2015 6:19 pm**

this thread reminds me of the smell of fresh dog shit.

because we had 3 big dogs in the back yard when i was a teenager...and there's nothing quite like the smell of plowing thru fresh dog shit because i let the grass get too high.

oh yea...it also reminds me of anytime dad would help mow and weedeat....if i was weedeating and he was mowing it's like he was always aiming at me with the discharge of the clippings or whatever he was running over....it sucked ASS.

T1B

Lawn mowing stories...funny and strange

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