Zues, Odin, Buddha...

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sat Aug 15, 2015 10:46 pm

...Flying Spaghetti Monster...The Christian "god"...Lucifer...Q from Star Trek The Next Generation...Moloch...Ra...

Who would win in a Texas Cage Match "Battle Royal"?

It's important to note, the participants will not be able to use their godly powers to teleport folding chairs, tables and other "foreign objects" into the ring.
EVERYTHING ELSE GOES.

Many Gods Enter. Only ONE Leaves!

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 12:18 am

I'll be his manager in this event.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:42 am

I would put my money on the old testament yaweh. Dude was hardcore before his hippy faggot kid started all this turn the other cheek new testament nonsense. And where did that get us? His people have been buttfukked in the mouf, repeatedly and he let that Allah dude cause a bunch of trouble. Old school yaweh would have had a lightning bolt with muhammad's name on it. NT g0d just shruggs his shoulders and watches.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:02 am

smackaholic wrote:...that Allah dude cause a bunch of trouble.

Yahweh should have tangled him up in the turnbuckle while Buddha delivered some devastating forearm smashes.

Of course, to get away with that, you need your midget manager ('sup Sale?) to get in the ring and distract the ref.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 3:32 am

I'm sort of liking Zues in the cage match. He took down his own father, Cronus. Hell, he also beat down his brothers Hades and Poseidon, so if he made his own family his bitch, I not liking your Hebrew Gods chances.

Zeus with a diamond cutter for the win.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 4:25 am

Game over

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 4:37 am

Oh hell no, no using Chuck Norris cheat codes.

Blood soaked flag on the play.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 12:34 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:I'm sort of liking Zues in the cage match. He took down his own father, Cronus. Hell, he also beat down his brothers Hades and Poseidon, so if he made his own family his bitch, I not liking your Hebrew Gods chances.

Zeus with a diamond cutter for the win.

Zeus is a loser. Nobody even worships him anymore. Plus he had human failings. Zeus would stop mid match to screw some mortal chick and Yahweh would hit him with an RKO and it would be lights out.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:38 pm

BSmack wrote: Zeus is a loser. Nobody even worships him anymore.

Wrong & wrong.

Zeus would stop mid match to screw some mortal chick.

... and still win.

:bode:

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:49 pm

OK, my wrasslin' terminology is seriously limited.

WtF is an RKO?

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:58 pm

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:06 pm

??????

try again, corky.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:23 pm

War Wagon wrote:
BSmack wrote:Zeus would stop mid match to screw some mortal chick.
... and still win.

Did a say screw? I should have said rape. Zeus was the Bill Cosby of the gods.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:35 pm

BSmack wrote:Zeus was the Bill Cosby of the gods.

banner material.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:48 pm

BSmack wrote:Zeus was the Bill Cosby of the gods.

I take no credit for this, and perhaps this belongs in the "dick move" thread which would be ironic since dude who wrote it is from Dix Hills, NY...

Bill Cosby,
Whatever his flaws be,
At least wasn't like one of those selfish lugs
Who invite you over but don't share their drugs.

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 7:23 pm

I'll take God and give the points. GOD to Place, god to show.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 7:34 pm

BSmack wrote:Did a say screw? I should have said rape. Zeus was the Bill Cosby of the gods.

Oh no. You roll double-sixes and throw down your Cosby card on my Power Up Zeus and have the audacity to throw a pudding pop at me?

Oh, now it's on!

I am now calling on the restless dead.

A bastard Crew from Hell.

"Thunderbolts and lightning, bitch!"

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 7:55 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:"Thunderbolts and lightning, bitch!"

They're very, very frightening, B!

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 10:34 pm

Galileo?

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 10:51 pm

BSmack wrote:Galileo?

Galileo Figaro. Magnifico.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sun Aug 16, 2015 11:32 pm

Mama, just insulted a man
I said his shredding was sub par
Made some claims, I went too far
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and claimed that I can play
Mama, ooohhhhhh
Didn't mean to draw this heat
If I don't post my song this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing ever happened

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sun Aug 16, 2015 11:35 pm

bwa!

Rack Marty!

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 12:07 am

Too late, I am undone
Yellow stains run down my spine,
Can't play a single line.
Goodbye everybody, I'm so shallow
Gotta take it from behind and face the truth...
Momma, ooo ooo, (aliens I will blow)
I just want to hide,
Sometimes wish I'ld never post shit at all.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 12:42 am

Carry on, carry on.
I'm a shit troll that doesn't really matter...

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 1:26 am

LTS TRN 2 · Post by **LTS TRN 2** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:42 am

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:Mama, just insulted a man
I said his shredding was sub par
Made some claims, I went too far
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and claimed that I can play
Mama, ooohhhhhh
Didn't mean to draw this heat
If I don't post my song this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing ever happened

Typical half-baked parody by the witless fraud.

Look, try to get this on one bounce, bris juice. Yes, I'm damn good on guitar (and other instruments as well), but having called out fat-fuck (willers) and heard his tedious fake blues attempt (as well as his actual "shred" fake music) well of course I won't deign to offer you and your fellow twirps some actual music. Why? Because you've routinely defaulted over the years during which I've deigned to offer commentary to this palsied forum. The absurdly obtuse and robust ignorance of you venal punks--defending the official 9/11 report, defending the Koch brothers assault on science and reason, defending always the hideous apartheid state posing as a democracy in the Middle East. And while the other stooges man the barricades and hiss their pissy dismissals and fake evasions, you, the most quibbling, weak-chinned little maggot, have just maintained your shallow and hollow attempt at light sarcasm, regardless of what's going on. You're the weak link, not some pathetic slob like willers, or some utterly inane fraud like Jay, or even babs, whose real fake dad, of course, is the unspeakable Victor David Hanson.

You see? You are so utterly fraudulent and tepid, that the idea of gracing you with music--that you moronic puss bags could somehow discern quality playing-- is completely out of the question.

As for the divine wrestling match, I'll go with Amateratsu, the Japanese goddess of the sun..

(psst..Spinoza's with me too..)

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 11:00 am

toolio you're a boy make a big noise......
postin' on T1B gonna be a big man some day
You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace
Kickin' your can all over the place
Singin'

'Will will, Will will, out you
Will will, Will will, out you'

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Aug 17, 2015 12:18 pm

LTS TRN 2 wrote:fraud

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:36 pm

rusty trombone

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:45 pm

fudge whistle.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Mon Aug 17, 2015 10:18 pm

Careful, master LTS. You've nearly expended your entire smack arsenal with the same words & repetitive phrases you've used over and over for years, regardless of the topic at hand.

Let's review, shall we?

LTS TRN 2 wrote: tedious fake

I won't deign

I've deigned to offer commentary to this palsied forum.

absurdly obtuse and robust ignorance of you venal punks

hideous apartheid

fake evasions

quibbling, utterly inane fraud

utterly fraudulent and tepid

You're shooting blanks with the Daisy BB gun of a weak, over used vocabulary.

I can just imagine the smirk on your face as you pound submit, thinking to yourself for the 999th time, "I really showed those assholes this time... with my immense intellect... Rack Me!".

For the most part, you're scroll wheel material. I know what you're going to type before you even type it.

In the immortal words of Foghorn Leghorn - Get away from me boy, you bother me.

LTS TRN 2 · Post by **LTS TRN 2** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:34 am

Bullshit, wags, there are several new skewers and barbs, including "maggot" and 'weak-chinned." But it's not the bounding blast that counts, but the actual point. And that is the lock-step neocon Tea Bagger march of idiocy by the bulk of this board over the years. Can you really imagine me or anyone else of basic sane sensibility offering some music for the appraisal of a bunch of scared and cringing morons like you?

As for Amateratsu stomping the likes of Zoroaster or Jehovah or Zeus, well I'm assuming you haven't really thought it through--or anything else, for that matter.

:wink:

LTS TRN 2 · Post by **LTS TRN 2** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 7:19 am

No, willers, you've simply misquoted me, and you're really speaking for your own dense self. I listened to your radio interview and it was clear that you are dumber than a bag of door knobs. You couldn't even muster basic takes on the comical GOP candidates, or Obama, or anything. And while your guitar playing is real--yes, you've learned to play, and as I pointed out, your sound is very well produced--but...so what? Just faking it through annoying hollow metal shred noise isn't music. And similarly, faking your way through an actual adult consciousness isn't really being alive. You don't have opinions or observations or reflections or humor or anything which could be properly respected. And make no mistake, you in your mewling fat slurp of a life are typical of the cowardly curled content of this palsied forum. Of course you can't actually respond, anymore than you could speak of the characters of the various ancient deities or the obvious glaring falsity of the official 9/11 report. Just like bris-juice (Marty) you are a total fraud. So...fuck you.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:26 am

Seriously LTS Fraud. You don't need to hide behind all that pompous verbal bloat to tell us you're a no-talent, gutless phony who not only can't play but can't even comprehend how to push a simple record button.

Fakey fake.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:49 am

Nicky you're a toy
Make a false noise
Wrapped in rubber sheets, be a small man today.

You got mud on your face,
You're a big disgrace, we're kickin' your ass all over the place.
Saying we will, we will mock you.
We will we will mock you.

Nicky you're a fraud man, dumb man,
Hiding in your sheets, getting waylaid on the board today.
You got blood on your face, you big disgrace,
Waving white flags all over the place.
Knowing we will, we will mock you.
We will, we will mock you.

Nicky you're a false man, trash can's
where you get your takes, gonna fakey fake claims today,
You got egg on your face, you've been disgraced
The board's gonna put you back into your place,
Saying we will, we will mock you.
We will, we will mock you!

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:18 am

War Wagon wrote:...nearly...

For the most part...

You're being too kind.

LTS TRD2often wrote:Can you really imagine me...offering some music for the appraisal of a bunch of scared and cringing morons like you?

I can't imagine you offering it for anyone's appraisal. You can't play. If you could, you'd show us, then defend whatever criticism may ensue from the "scared and cringing morons" and knowledgeable musicians alike. But you're too much of a mewling pussy to do that, which comes as a surprise to...no one.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 5:34 pm

jury's been out on that one for a while.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Aug 18, 2015 5:57 pm

Papa Willie wrote:...then we will know with 100% certainty that you are a fake.

That pony bolted from the corral ages ago, 'Spray.

R-Jack · Post by **R-Jack** » Tue Aug 18, 2015 6:28 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:...then we will know with 100% certainty that you are a fake.
That pony bolted from the corral ages ago, 'Spray.

She didn't bolt. I kicked her out.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Aug 18, 2015 6:31 pm