Oops. Wrong button.

[Rooster]

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2017/03/ ... opter.html

So I have this friend who a number of years ago was flying a KMAX for a logging contract and came across this brown bear in a clearing below him. The bird had a three fingered grappling "hand" on a 150' long line which was used to grab logs and bring them to the trucks waiting to drive the timber to the mill. Well, the KMAX is an unbelievably quiet aircraft and the bear didn't hear it as my buddy hovered overhead. He opened the hand and grabbed the bear and flew it to the clearing where the rest of the logging crew was waiting for him, whereupon arriving, he hovered down and released the now irate and confused animal. Needless to say, the camp was like you had kicked an ant mound over with guys lunging for anything they could defend themselves with, flinging themselves into campers, trucks, or Port-a-Pottys, a bear roaring and frightened.

My buddy said he almost lost control of the aircraft from laughing so hard. He was that kind of guy. Oh, and nobody ended up getting hurt after all that. The bear got its' wits about itself and ran off after a bit.

[Imus]

That's nothing, I know this guy who lives in Oregone somewhere who was drunk and caught this giant assed fucking salmon about 21 fucking feet long. He was using 3 lb. test tapered line, trying for some brine shrimp that day, but some times g0d does exist. Finesse and a couple of pints of popov and he pulled the fucker in for the hooks.

While some of the crew sodomized the creature on one side, my buddy gutted it, and inside found the keys to Cinder's semi, Darren's lost John Deere 4R, some get out of jail free cards if you are a derelict ass hole in slo, and part of 'holics missing foundation braces. Being a drunk and benevolent guy that he is, when they finally got to dock, he donated it to a band of homeless skin heads on their way to fiji.

But here's the best thing, my buddy kept the salmon penis!!!! Get it??? The crew are all fags, sodomizing a male fish. And who knew salmon cock was black?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

And who knew salmon cock was black?

So, we can expect a Salmon Cock troll soon?

whoa

[Moving Sale]

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2017/03/ ... opter.html

So I have this friend who a number of years ago was flying a KMAX for a logging contract and came across this brown bear in a clearing below him. The bird had a three fingered grappling "hand" on a 150' long line which was used to grab logs and bring them to the trucks waiting to drive the timber to the mill. Well, the KMAX is an unbelievably quiet aircraft and the bear didn't hear it as my buddy hovered overhead. He opened the hand and grabbed the bear and flew it to the clearing where the rest of the logging crew was waiting for him, whereupon arriving, he hovered down and released the now irate and confused animal. Needless to say, the camp was like you had kicked an ant mound over with guys lunging for anything they could defend themselves with, flinging themselves into campers, trucks, or Port-a-Pottys, a bear roaring and frightened.

My buddy said he almost lost control of the aircraft from laughing so hard. He was that kind of guy. Oh, and nobody ended up getting hurt after all that. The bear got its' wits about itself and ran off after a bit.

So you are an orange pedobear fan and a liar. How surprising.

[Rooster]

Whatever, shortcake.

Two things: If you know anything about logging pilots, you understand intuitively that this very much could and did happen. This is a tame story compared to others I've witnessed when it comes to flying. I'm sure Lefty can back me up on this; things like on the demo day for the B367 the pilot barrel rolled the bird over a crowd of spectators and potential customers. Or the Marine aviator in Vietnam whose rotor head came off at altitude and while he was headed towards the ground, asked anyone listening to please tell his wife that he loved her. There was a pause, and then a voice came up over the net and said, "Shut up and die like a Marine." Not another word was spoken for the rest of the trip down.

Second, none of this compares, I'm certain, to the vicious paper cut stories you have to tell from your paralegal work...

[Moving Sale]

Your story is nonsense. You are a fucking liar.

[Rooster]

What's nonsensical about it? Do you know anything about logging or the use of helicopters in the timber industry? I suppose that you watching Ax Men on you days off from your paralegal job makes you an expert, eh? :grin: You don't believe the story in the OP then either?

[Moving Sale]

I know about bears from encountering around a hundred in the wild and they, unlike you, are not dumb enough to be 'caught' by a douche in a helo with a hook. You are a liar and you love the orange pedo. These two things are not a coincidence.

[Mikey]

You don't give Rooster enough credit. He's smarter than the average bear.

[Rooster]

So you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you guys that back during Desert Storm my co-pilot and I flew a bird out into the desert on his birthday, landed out by a Bedouin camp, and had a birthday party with an Arabian family? His wife sent him a bunch of birthday hats, some of those horns that unroll when you use them, and a cake. We took all that stuff out along with some presents, handed them all out, got invited into the family's tent, drank some good Arabian coffee, and eventually left to head back to camp.

Good times.

[Moving Sale]

That is a much more believable story.

[Rooster]

How about fish raining down on me while flying and my rotor blades chopping a fish (not salmon nor its' dick, sorry Imus) into pink mist? Is that believable?

[Moving Sale]

No

[Diego in Seattle]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/thailand-bea ... 06026.html

[BSmack]

How about fish raining down on me while flying and my rotor blades chopping a fish (not salmon nor its' dick, sorry Imus) into pink mist? Is that believable?

Were you under attack by Al-Qaeda's aquatic division? :D

[Rooster]

I was flying in the Gulf of Mexico back early in my career and lived offshore for a week at a time. My job was to fly the rig apes from platform to platform all day long and if something interesting caught my eye, I'd go over and check it out. (On a side note, the previous pilot on the job I was flying was Kris Kristofferson, who got run off because all he wanted to do was play guitar and write music. The field foreman couldn't get him to go fly. A classic case of seagull syndrome: A pilot who won't leave until the last possible moment)

So on the particular day during the summer, the water was like glass, but little thunder bumpers would crop up all over the place growing big enough to maybe rain a bit, but not much more. However, there was one cloud which had grown a bit larger than the others and had developed a water spout or a tornado, if you will, that grows over water. The air was so calm that the tail hung perfectly vertical and didn't whip around like so many of them do. The cloud was just the right size that the funnel dipped down just to the surface of the water and stirred it up, which attracted fish who thought it might be a type called pogees, a little chumming fish the local coon asses used for plant food among other things.

So I'm slowly circling this funnel cloud fairly tight, maybe 50-70' away from it since it wasn't moving and I could see fish being sucked up by the water spout into the cloud above. It wasn't much more than the third of fourth pass around this thing that I noticed the fish were falling out of the sky around me, when, SPLAT! a fish went through the rotor system and exploded. Fish guts all over the wind screen and fuselage.

I had a tough time explaining myself to the mechanic that evening.

[Rooster]

This particular story happened to me back in the 'Guff when I was a rookie pilot. I was doing 14 & 7s (fourteen days on, seven days off, an awful schedule unless the money is good) and living offshore working for a guy who was a silent partner for a few Enron platforms. Because of the lengthy time offshore I got to be good friends with some of the rig apes, one of whom had a grandmother who passed away during my hitch. He called me and asked if I could do him a favor and grant his grandmother's last wish to be buried at sea. I said, sure, no problem, it'd be my pleasure to help.

Now because of the way that flight time was calculated we ended up with a considerable amount of time which didn't reflect what was on the Hobbes meter, something that allowed us to fly a bit at the end of the day if our families came out to see us or in this case, with this guy's family who wanted to spread Grandma's ashes at sea. I flew a Bell Long Ranger which could carry seven passengers in addition to me. I briefed the family, which incidentally consisted of a bunch of weight lifters, let them know how we were going to proceed, and then strapped them in for a flight that would last about 25 minutes.

So I explained to them that they needed to wait until I told them it was ok to open the window and carefully take the bag with Granny in it and hold it outside the aircraft while I slowly hovered forward. It was imperative that they do just as I asked because of the possibility of the bag getting caught in the tail rotor. They all nodded their heads that they understood and away we went.

We got about ten miles offshore and I began to power back, so I was about to tell everyone that it'd be a couple more minutes before we could do the ceremony when all of a sudden I hear and feel a window open in the back. Next thing I know the entire aircraft is engulfed in a gray fog of burnt Grandma, we're breathing her in, eating her, tasting her. I can't hardly see because the ashes are so thick in the air and if I open my eyes too wide they get them and make me tear up to the point that I can't see. So I'm squinting and kick the bird out of trim to get fresh air flow in through my wing window. The women are screaming, the men are shouting, everyone is coughing and laughing at the same time. Apparently, someone holding the urn opened it, pulled out the bag with the ashes in it, opened the window while we were still going around 60 knots, and tried to pour out her ashes through the window. With the way the airflow moves in a Bell 206, the wind comes into the cabin unless my window up from is open first. Ugh.

We eventually got turned around and headed back to the beach. For years afterward I'd get a card in the mail from the family on the anniversary of that flight.

Good times.

[smackaholic]

So, Rooster ate someone's granny.

Spreadsheet updated.

[Rooster]

:) It's true.

[LTS TRN 2]

The helicopter encountered bad weather and quickly lost altitude; that's when the bear fell from the net...(so shut the fuck up!..or else)