Eulogies for the Living?

[Smackie Chan]

I can only hope mv is around to do my eulogy.

I got to thinkin' about all the kind (and not-so-kind) words that were posted about Wags after he was toe-tagged, and it woulda been nice for him to be able to read them. Of course, the not-so-nice ones he did get to read since this is (allegedly) a smack board, but the kinder words are usually reserved for after we croak.

I propose mv honor Sam's wishes by posting now what he'd post upon hearing of SS's demise. Then anyone else would be welcome to eulogize Sam and any other posters still with us so they'd have a chance to know what others really think about them (or want us to believe what they really think). Sam, Wolfie, & Goobs would be good candidates for the first ones since they're a bit longer in the tooth than most of us, although that didn't seem to matter to Van, Shrubber, & Wags, all of whom were relatively young when they kicked. Eulogies for mvscal, Moving Sale, and a few others could be interesting.

Or we could just wait til everyone's dead.

[Wolfman]

Or we could just wait til everyone's dead.
I like that one. Like a Last Man Club. Too bad we don't have a bottle of something in a safe place and the last one gets to drink it. At age 78, I probably won't be the one to turn off the lights on T1B. Just remember, age smack is never fresh. at least from my perspective.

[BSmack]

Or we could just wait til everyone's dead.
I like that one. Like a Last Man Club. Too bad we don't have a bottle of something in a safe place and the last one gets to drink it. At age 78, I probably won't be the one to turn off the lights on T1B. Just remember, age smack is never fresh. at least from my perspective.

[Joe in PB]

Eulogies for the living? Might as well start with the Democratic & Republican parties. Both have been on life support for years and are no longer functional.

Or maybe they are, but a better description of each might be the Communist and Nazi parties.

[smackaholic]

Hospice for 4 years?

I wouldn't wish that on anyone, other than maybe TiVO and MS.

[Mikey]

Thank God you survived.

You need to save that spontaneous combustion for Tuesday. What fitting patriotic sendoff that would be.

[BSmack]

Sam what kind of Jesus music? Are we talking about like old time religion gospel or Christian rock? Mart... errr a friend would like to know.

[Wolfman]

old time religion gospel Great stuff, especially the black gospel singers. When I was stationed at Fort Gordon, we'd watch James Brown's TV station out of Augusta on a Sunday morning. Guess we needed some "uplifting" after Saturday night. The best was this little kid, Shorty Junior and the Gospel Travelers. Wonder whatever happened to him. Maybe he grew up as Shorty Senior.
The only Grammy's Elvis won was in the gospel category. Peace in the Valley is one I always liked.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Mart... errr a friend would like to know.

Look, I've been known to rock out to some early Stryper back in tha' day...but everything after Against the Law is just fucking garbage!!! :x :x :x :x

[smackaholic]

Rather than a eulogy how about designating someone to roast in TT. Rotate through the regulars. It might boost the ratings in ghost errrrrr tune town.


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[Smackie Chan]

Rather than a eulogy how about designating someone to roast in TT. Rotate through the regulars

I'm down. I'll even volunteer as the first guest of dishonor.

[BSmack]

Sam what kind of Jesus music? Are we talking about like old time religion gospel or Christian rock? Mart... errr a friend would like to know.

Christian pop, I would say.

I thought the Geneva Convention covered that stuff. My God man you should get some counseling.

[Innocent Bystander]

I estimate came within 15 seconds of spontaneously combusting this morning.

Sitting in the waiting room while my wife had some surgery on her toofies, I was on the brink of becoming a pile of ashes when they finally called me back to see the doc and get the hell out of there.

I sat through 45 minutes of JESUS MUSIC! I was gritting my teeth, wandering the parking lot, calling friends, humming to myself, ripping out the few hairs I had left. It was horrific. I don't see how even hardcore Christians can listen to that shit.

I was so close to going to the front desk and asking them to shut that goddamn music off, but I didn't wanna put my wife at risk.

I called my son and told him of my predicament. He suggested setting up my phone and Facetiming him so he could watch the ignition and catch some stills to post the first photos documenting a spontaneous combustion.

Sounds like you were listening to white Christian music, not black Christian music. Your complaints would have been different. White Christian music is intentionally bland, apparently.

I don't do Reddit, but theres an Ask Me Anything in the atheist subreddit by an atheist woman who does Christian pop backup singing because producers feel she looks the part, not because she has a strong faith. She hasn't let on that she's just there to get paid, though. It doesn't matter as long as she makes no waves. It's worth reading. The meat begins at, "Also, the typical CCM-listener is an evangelical middle-aged woman with kids that radio has named "Becky", and this article describes how they target her better than I can..."

https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/commen ... inger_for/

[+] Becky

Christian radio plays songs for Becky. The labels know that in order to sell music, they have to get songs on radio. Radio = Becky. So the labels coerce their artists and bands to all write and record songs for Becky….songs that will make her feel good. Songs that tell her she is good. Songs that are “safe for the whole family”. Songs that remind her of her snow-flake-ness and tell her to turn that frown upside-down. Songs that focus on love and hope. Songs that aren’t confrontational. Songs that aren’t theological because man, that stuff is up in the clouds. Songs that don’t talk about blood and crosses and depressing stuff like that. Songs that focus on Becky and her busy life. And if the artists or bands want to write songs for another demographic or another purpose, that’s fine, they can just make music somewhere else. There is money to be made.

And sure, all radio stations and all record labels do this, they sell whatever the listener wants to hear, and they hire musicians and singers for their looks, but CCM markets their whole operation as FOR JESUS. Meaning HOLIER than NOT FOR JESUS.

On Top 40 Christian Radio, typically 37/40 songs will be recorded by male artists. Why? Evangelical women listen to radio, and a lot of them are lonely, and it's all wish-fulfillment. I talked to the artist I'm singing backup for, and asked him why his latest record has so many love songs with the ocassional "because of His Grace" or "Take You to Church" thrown in. He said flat-out "because I needed a hit". He's as jaded as I am, though he still believes in God. His last record was introspective, dark conversations with Jesus, and the label told him it was too deep for radio. So he wrote a bunch of sappy bullshit and the crowd praises the Lord and sings along desperately to his love songs.

I sit on a stool in the back and sing thirds and laugh at them. These women aren't at his concert because they're devoted to God. They're at his concert because they have a crush on the artist. Because they wish he would FUCK them like their husbands won't anymore. It's no different than pop culture, but it claims a holier-than-thou attitude that defines hypocrisy and makes millions.

[Smackie Chan]

an atheist woman who does Christian pop backup singing because producers feel she looks the part, not because she has a strong faith. She hasn't let on that she's just there to get paid, though. It doesn't matter as long as she makes no waves.

Just like being a studio session musician. Show up, play the sheet music they give you, collect the check, go home. They don't care if it's Jesus Is Just Alright or Hava Nagila.

[Innocent Bystander]

an atheist woman who does Christian pop backup singing because producers feel she looks the part, not because she has a strong faith. She hasn't let on that she's just there to get paid, though. It doesn't matter as long as she makes no waves.

Just like being a studio session musician. Show up, play the sheet music they give you, collect the check, go home. They don't care if it's Jesus Is Just Alright or Hava Nagila.

Yes. But there's a Milli Vanilli aspect to Christian music that goes a step beyond.

[Softball Bat]

The sudden, tragic demise of Smackie Chan is a hard kick in the stomach.

Yes, he was around 60 years old, but he didn’t look a day over 75.

I’m personally thankful to Smackie for many things.
Perhaps #1 on the list was his very name.

Smackie Chan...

It just rolls off your tongue – and was so fun and easy to say.

Smackie Chan...

Especially easy all those times when I was cursing him under my breath.

Smackie Chan, coc_ su*%!#!
F..k YOU b!__h, Smackie Chan!
Smackie Chan, as_ ho_e!

So easy.
Thank you.


Let’s face facts.
Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.
Footwear is part of that package.
Girls notice such.

Smackie was a career armed services man.
Boots don’t lick themselves.
Am I right?

Sharp footwear.
Sharp dressed men.
The ladies thank you for all your effort to keep those men lookin’ sharp, Smackie Chan!


In his later time on the board, Smackie was most known (of course) for his radio shows.
Good stuff.

Who among us didn’t enjoy getting our Friday night groove on to what was hot and fresh in 1967?
Smackie kept us feeling ALIVE.

How ironic that his ‘60s vibe made us feel so alive, and now he is ---→ DEAD.


Smackie leaves a wife, of course.
She must carry on.
And perhaps now (with some of Smackie’s bank) someone can carry on with her.
That dude will carry on with mama and her squeeze box.

Smackie the dead cuck.
Everyone has a role.
All the world’s a stage...


Mama's got a squeeze box
She wears on her chest
And when Daddy comes home
He never gets no rest...







RIP, Smackie Chan!

[Softball Bat]

Yeah, I found out it's Kevin Cronin.

Could have sworn it was Smackie.




Btw, how do you imbed youtube videos in this hellhole?

Been gone (or made to be gone) and forgot the -----> trick.

[Joe in PB]

Copy the end of web address up to the equal sign. then paste it between youtube brackets (see top right button).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm2bM89I7YE

[Smackie Chan]

RIP, Smackie Chan!

Not bad. Pretty much the type of material I was expecting. Solid lead-off at-bat.

Welcome back.

[Softball Bat]

Copy the end of web address up to the equal sign. then paste it between youtube brackets (see top right button).

Thanks, Joe.

I found out the problem.

I was on a proxy.
Video won't show in that case.

[Softball Bat]

RIP, Smackie Chan!

Not bad. Pretty much the type of material I was expecting. Solid lead-off at-bat.

Welcome back.

Well, thanks for not going anywhere.

I figured I could find you here. :)


I thought about doing a Dinsdale eulogy, but beyond trailer parks and STDs, I couldn't think of much else to say.

[Jay in Phoenix]

I thought about doing a Dinsdale eulogy, but beyond trailer parks and STDs, I couldn't think of much else to say.

Swing and a whiff 'tart.

[BSmack]

I thought about doing a Dinsdale eulogy, but beyond trailer parks and STDs, I couldn't think of much else to say.

Know it all tendencies and nailing humongous skanks doesn't come to mind?