One of my favorite local bar owners passed away

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:18 pm

Gene Bennett of 'Smut and Eggs' fame dies at 76

Dude was an absolute hoot.

Left Seater · Post by **Left Seater** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:35 pm

That sucks. Good bartenders are good to know.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:28 am

Gene was a close personal friend of my late father-in-law. My wife commented a little while ago that they were now watching porn together in heaven. I now so want to believe in heaven. My wife may have had a couple glasses of wine tonight.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:36 am

Porn in the morn sounds like the greatest marketing gimmick ever.

I will raise a glass to your (younger) friend tonight goobs.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:09 am

Goober McTuber wrote:Gene was a close personal friend of my late father-in-law. My wife commented a little while ago that they were now watching porn together in heaven.

Everything about you leaves me reaching for the pepper spray...

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:15 am

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Gene was a close personal friend of my late father-in-law. My wife commented a little while ago that they were now watching porn together in heaven.

Everything about you leaves me reaching for the pepper spray...

Rack my favorite kike!!!!

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:22 am

Most bar owners are alcoholics and cocaine dealers. They exist by peddling cheap booze to drunks and making change for them to stuff the video poker machines.

I know one who loved serving his drunk customers so much, that he would serve them drinks for 6 hours straight and think nothing of it. Until one of his drunks ran another car into a tree, put the guy in the hospital for a month and of course he left the scene. He will lose his bar and the driver is going to the hole for at least 5 years.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:13 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Gene was a close personal friend of my late father-in-law. My wife commented a little while ago that they were now watching porn together in heaven. I now so want to believe in heaven. My wife may have had a couple glasses of wine tonight.
Translation:

He wore my shit on his dick well.

Translation:

I am obsessed with shit-covered dicks.

Yeah, we know, tubby.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 7:17 pm

Derron wrote:Most bar owners are alcoholics and cocaine dealers. They exist by peddling cheap booze to drunks and making change for them to stuff the video poker machines.

Sounds like you hang out in shitty bars. Probably because you were run out of the good ones by manbun-wearing hipsters.

I select the bars/tasting rooms I spend my time in based on the fact that I've gotten to know the owners and their bartenders. That's why I don't hang out in shitty bars where I would have spend time with your kind, you braindead douche-nozzle.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:37 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:Translation:

He wore my shit on his dick well.
Translation:

I am obsessed with shit-covered dicks.

Yeah, we know, tubby.
Pitiful response. I didn't expect any better.

I-R-O-N-Y.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:47 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Derron wrote:Most bar owners are alcoholics and cocaine dealers. They exist by peddling cheap booze to drunks and making change for them to stuff the video poker machines.
Sounds like you hang out in shitty bars. Probably because you were run out of the good ones by manbun-wearing hipsters.

I select the bars/tasting rooms I spend my time in based on the fact that I've gotten to know the owners and their bartenders. That's why I don't hang out in shitty bars where I would have spend time with your kind, you braindead douche-nozzle.

Once again your perpetually alcohol clouded vision fails to let you read the written word. I don't hang out in bars at all. I may go into one to have a meal and a drink to go with it, but bars are generally occupied by drunks of all ages, who feel the drunker they are, they are the center of attention. There are the bar hangers on who sit there and drink at the bar, talking to the bartender who gives not a fuck what they say, just keep tipping them.

Most of these places have poor food too, and the exception is the one who does have good food and good service. Since I am not a raging alcoholic like you, slapping your baby nipple on your bottle of Muskcatel first thing in the morning, and proceeding to slosh your brains out and hammer out shit takes on here, I will just be the moderate consumer who knows his limit. Bitch.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:00 am

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
I-R-O-N-Y.
I
Really
Ovulate
Near
Youngsters?

Wouldn't surprise me if you did, Goobletta. :)

Whoever lead you to believe that you are any good at this has done you (and the entire interwebs community) a horrible disservice.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:04 am

Derron wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Derron wrote:Most bar owners are alcoholics and cocaine dealers. They exist by peddling cheap booze to drunks and making change for them to stuff the video poker machines.
Sounds like you hang out in shitty bars. Probably because you were run out of the good ones by manbun-wearing hipsters.

I select the bars/tasting rooms I spend my time in based on the fact that I've gotten to know the owners and their bartenders. That's why I don't hang out in shitty bars where I would have spend time with your kind, you braindead douche-nozzle.
Once again your perpetually alcohol clouded vision fails to let you read the written word. I don't hang out in bars at all.

Really? You posted "Now I could relate several stories here,but the one that finished the day off was these Portland hipsters with their beards and man buns and their bitches that invaded my formerly favorite brew pub in Tillamook."

Formerly. You were run. Like the little bitch that you are, dumbfuck.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:22 am

Goober McTuber wrote:
Formerly. You were run. Like the little bitch that you are, dumbfuck.

First off, I called you a bitch at the end of my take. You have to parrot that in your next blast you copy cat mother fucker. Now I know that in your drunken state your frame of reference the definition of getting "run" is questionable. The brew pub in question had already eliminated the oysters from their menu, then the rest of the story applies. Simple decision, there are only a hundred or so other places in the area to try out, and holding to one is tedious. So in your mind, if you think I was "run", then that makes you fist pump and say "I got bode on him" , then good for you drunk.

Maybe for entertainment purposes later on, why don't you stand up, turn around with your ass facing the monitor, drop trou and spread those cheeks prison boy style, so shutyomouth can shove the the plunger handle up to your tonsils. Cunt.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:20 am

Papa Willie wrote: I'm great at it.

My name is Marty...and I approve of this message.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:11 pm

Derron wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Formerly. You were run. Like the little bitch that you are, dumbfuck.
First off, I called you a bitch at the end of my take.

You think I read your "takes" start to finish? You've been set to "skim" for some time now.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:12 pm

Papa Willie wrote:See, Goobs? Marty agrees.

Consider the source.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 5:17 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:See, Goobs? Marty agrees.
Consider the source.
I did. He's far smarter than you'll ever be. Well fuck - everybody in here is smarter than you, so there's that...

He's a message board gadfly whose opinion carries as much weight as yours - zero.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:22 pm

Goober McTuber wrote: He's a message board gadfly whose opinion carries as much weight as yours - zero.

how DARE you

:x

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:22 pm

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 8:41 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote: He's a message board gadfly whose opinion carries as much weight as yours - zero.
You're -50 of anybody's figure. As long as you understand that, you won't be so old, angry & fucked up.

I was talking about the weight of your opinion. Not how morbidly obese you are.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:11 pm

Papa Willie wrote:

Broken again. You have no words. Your surrender is duly noted.

P.S. You fucked that up. You usually put you stupid photos in Goober quotes. This is you asking for it to stop.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 12:39 pm

Now you speak for the whole board, Meltie?

Would you like a tissue?

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:31 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Would you like a tissue?

"Please...allow me..."

Sincerely, Diego

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:33 pm

C'mon...I've had that one collecting dust on the shelf forever....jeeeezzzz...

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:52 pm

Papa Willie wrote:Oh, now that’s cute. When I use an emoticon from my phone, it gives a description![PILE OF POO]

You've got a Papa Willie emoticon on your phone?

Joe in PB · Post by **Joe in PB** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:52 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Would you like a tissue?

"Please...allow me..."

I don't think Goobs has been around since this was posted. He's probably trying to get one on Amazon Prime before their server crashes again......

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:28 pm

Hey dumbfuck in PB, I've spent a lot more time on this board than you have. You'll be hard-pressed to find much I haven't seen. If I had actually wanted one of those stupid things, I could have had one by now. Why tissue coming out of a baby's mouth would be funny, I have no idea. Maybe you could EXPLAIN it.

Meltspray is pretty messed up for mid-afternoon.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:43 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Hey dumbfuck in PB, I've spent a lot more time on this board than you have. You'll be hard-pressed to find much I haven't seen. If I had actually wanted one of those stupid things, I could have had one by now. Why tissue coming out of a baby's mouth would be funny, I have no idea. Maybe you could EXPLAIN it.

Meltspray is pretty messed up for mid-afternoon.

Blow in PB bought one and pretends that it's Trumps grill when he...uh...never mind.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:48 pm

Mikey wrote:

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:03 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:47 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:Meltspray is pretty messed up for mid-afternoon.
Obviously, semen

Thanks for the explanation.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:33 am

Papa Willie wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:Obviously, semen
Thanks for the explanation.
I’m just sorry I'm such a fucking mess. [WEARY FACE]

Sent from my iPhone using Tardtalk

Sad.

Not really.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 2:16 am

Papa Willie wrote:How often did you and your dead buddy fuck, Boobs?

Sent from my iPhone using Tubbytardtalk

Hi Meltie,

Sorry about the incessant ass-beating you've been subjected to the past couple days from multiple posters in numerous threads. Hopefully, things will start looking up (probably not).

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed Jul 18, 2018 2:23 am

Goober McTuber wrote:

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 2:27 am

Quit trying so hard, Marty. Meltspray will be more than happy to hook up with you.

Joe in PB · Post by **Joe in PB** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:59 am

Goober McTuber wrote:Hey dumbfuck in PB, I've spent a lot more time on this board than you have. You'll be hard-pressed to find much I haven't seen. If I had actually wanted one of those stupid things, I could have had one by now.

We know, the boartd pervert and plastic dolls seems like a match made in Madison. Just beware not all dolls are created equal.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 12:36 pm

Joe in PB wrote:Just beware not all dolls are created equal.

Just so long as your happy with yours.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:11 pm

Can you read? I didn't choose it. That's Joe's doll.

Joe in PB · Post by **Joe in PB** » Wed Jul 18, 2018 4:33 pm

I don't accept gifts from this board, so you can hold onto your nooner Goobs.

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