ML@Coyote and the Three 'Tards
Posted: Sun May 19, 2019 4:44 pm
Once upon a time there was a forest and in the middle of that forest was a post board and on the board lived three ‘tards, an old-man ‘tard, a midget ‘tard and a chiming ‘tard.
One morning Old-man ‘tard made up a lie about a flat Earth and served it up in three posts but they were too stupid to believe, so the three ‘tards went out for a walk before they were mocked. While they were away a Coyote came past the board, his fur was brown and matted and his name was ML.
He was hungry for entertainment and when he saw the posts he thought, “That seems odd.” He looked through the window and saw the scripts for the posts on a table. “Perhaps I can reply to poor fool,” he thought. And so, he clicked on the link and sneaked in. “Hello,” he called, “Anyone here?” But there was no one there, as it was a lonely board. He read the first post on the one board, “Mmm, too silly.” Next, he tried the second most post, the shortest. “Mmm, too stupid.” And then he read the third post, the gayest, and it was even dumber than the rest!
“Now I feel rather thirsty,” he thought. There were three glasses on a table by the board. They contained water. He didn’t like water, but he was very thirsty. First, he tried the old man’s glass, but the water was too hard. Next, he tried the midget’s glass, but it was too soft. Finally, he tried the glass with the chimes, but it was too filthy and stained with bum feces. “Oh gross,” he thought. “Must be made in San Francisco.” He paused and looked around, feeling a little tired. “Perhaps I should lie down and try to read a different post.”
He went into the boards next forum. First, he tried another of the old mans posts, but the topic of the post was the firmament and it really seemed derivative and mythical. “Man, this Old Pops guy is really a loon.” He mused. Then he tried the midgets post but the font was too small and it seemed much too angry. Finally he tried the chimers post. It was about UCLA and Golden State and all things San Francisco. It contained stock photos and was clearly full of lies and false bravado. “Pathetic.” The Coyote mused. “Chiming and lying has made this one crazy.”
So, feeling fatigued, he lay down and fell asleep. Soon after this the three ‘tards returned. Old man ‘tard looked down on his post. “Someone's been reading my thread,” he growled. Midget ‘tard looked up, way up on his post, as it was on the table and too high to reach. “And someone's been reading my thread too,” he whined. And then chiming ‘tard chimed, “And someone's been reading my thread and it’s all ridiculed!” Old man ‘tard turned to his glass. “Someone's been drinking from my glass,” he growled ever louder. “And someone's drinking from mine too,” griped midget ‘tard. “And someone's shattered my chimes…glass!” Chiming ‘tard sobbed, tears staining his ren-faire garb.
They went into the Cul de Smack, looking for the intruder. Old ‘tard noticed that his bed was all rumpled and crumpled. “Someone's been sleeping in my bed,” he roared. Midget ‘tard noticed the same. “And someone's been sleeping in my bed too,” he said. “And look, the head board and foot boards are broken, he must’ve been a giant!!!” Then chiming tard gave a loud cry. “There's someone in my bed sleeping right now!” ML opened his eyes and laughed uncontrollably at the sight of the three angry ‘tards. He jumped out of bed then jumped out of the window and laughed all the way home. ML decided to take and long, long break and leave the post board behind as he sought his green, grassy havens in South Carolina. The three ‘tards stood around looking stupid, caught in a circle jerk of their own making.
“We don’t get no respect.” They cried, wondering why.
The End
One morning Old-man ‘tard made up a lie about a flat Earth and served it up in three posts but they were too stupid to believe, so the three ‘tards went out for a walk before they were mocked. While they were away a Coyote came past the board, his fur was brown and matted and his name was ML.
He was hungry for entertainment and when he saw the posts he thought, “That seems odd.” He looked through the window and saw the scripts for the posts on a table. “Perhaps I can reply to poor fool,” he thought. And so, he clicked on the link and sneaked in. “Hello,” he called, “Anyone here?” But there was no one there, as it was a lonely board. He read the first post on the one board, “Mmm, too silly.” Next, he tried the second most post, the shortest. “Mmm, too stupid.” And then he read the third post, the gayest, and it was even dumber than the rest!
“Now I feel rather thirsty,” he thought. There were three glasses on a table by the board. They contained water. He didn’t like water, but he was very thirsty. First, he tried the old man’s glass, but the water was too hard. Next, he tried the midget’s glass, but it was too soft. Finally, he tried the glass with the chimes, but it was too filthy and stained with bum feces. “Oh gross,” he thought. “Must be made in San Francisco.” He paused and looked around, feeling a little tired. “Perhaps I should lie down and try to read a different post.”
He went into the boards next forum. First, he tried another of the old mans posts, but the topic of the post was the firmament and it really seemed derivative and mythical. “Man, this Old Pops guy is really a loon.” He mused. Then he tried the midgets post but the font was too small and it seemed much too angry. Finally he tried the chimers post. It was about UCLA and Golden State and all things San Francisco. It contained stock photos and was clearly full of lies and false bravado. “Pathetic.” The Coyote mused. “Chiming and lying has made this one crazy.”
So, feeling fatigued, he lay down and fell asleep. Soon after this the three ‘tards returned. Old man ‘tard looked down on his post. “Someone's been reading my thread,” he growled. Midget ‘tard looked up, way up on his post, as it was on the table and too high to reach. “And someone's been reading my thread too,” he whined. And then chiming ‘tard chimed, “And someone's been reading my thread and it’s all ridiculed!” Old man ‘tard turned to his glass. “Someone's been drinking from my glass,” he growled ever louder. “And someone's drinking from mine too,” griped midget ‘tard. “And someone's shattered my chimes…glass!” Chiming ‘tard sobbed, tears staining his ren-faire garb.
They went into the Cul de Smack, looking for the intruder. Old ‘tard noticed that his bed was all rumpled and crumpled. “Someone's been sleeping in my bed,” he roared. Midget ‘tard noticed the same. “And someone's been sleeping in my bed too,” he said. “And look, the head board and foot boards are broken, he must’ve been a giant!!!” Then chiming tard gave a loud cry. “There's someone in my bed sleeping right now!” ML opened his eyes and laughed uncontrollably at the sight of the three angry ‘tards. He jumped out of bed then jumped out of the window and laughed all the way home. ML decided to take and long, long break and leave the post board behind as he sought his green, grassy havens in South Carolina. The three ‘tards stood around looking stupid, caught in a circle jerk of their own making.
“We don’t get no respect.” They cried, wondering why.
The End
