Do You Have What It Takes?
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:14 am
Do you have what it takes to sit next to the great jackass007 at a NASCAR race?
#1 you must get good and drunk to the point of barely functioning before the race begins!
#2 You MUST scream out "GET ER DONE" and "WHOOOOOHOOOOO" every time your favorite driver comes around the track.
#3 You must point at the driver as you scream, roll your arms like a 70's disco move, then point up the track, because the drivers do rely on your direction. A couple of times when my drunken NASCAR neighbor staggered to the men's room I feared Rusty would lock up his brakes on the backstretch wondering which direction to go.
#4 You must stand the whole race, and you must lean forward to make sure you block us from seeing, so we'll have to stand and lean over the rail too!
#5 Walk over to me at least 6 times and start talking to me, and seeing I'm wearing scanner headphones ask me "What's Rusty saying?"
#6 After I threaten to beat your ass if you don't behave yourself, and stop wandering over in front of me, offer to buy me a couple of beers, then offer me the jug of whatever your passing around.
#7 You must start arguing with an usher who keeps telling you to sit down or stand in front of your seat, until said usher calls a cop to come talk to you
#8 when the cop "hot blonde" tells you "1 more time you are gone" as soon as she leaves start jumping around again. This works, no cop would ever just duck around to check on you really quick.
#9 when jackass007 starts singing happy trails to you, become violent knowing that the cops are holding you. Shows major sac!
#10 make sure you brought your bail money
That is 2 races in a row where my enjoyment has been hampered by a fucking asshole!
Poconos and Watkins Glen left until Daytona next year! Maybe Michigan..
#1 you must get good and drunk to the point of barely functioning before the race begins!
#2 You MUST scream out "GET ER DONE" and "WHOOOOOHOOOOO" every time your favorite driver comes around the track.
#3 You must point at the driver as you scream, roll your arms like a 70's disco move, then point up the track, because the drivers do rely on your direction. A couple of times when my drunken NASCAR neighbor staggered to the men's room I feared Rusty would lock up his brakes on the backstretch wondering which direction to go.
#4 You must stand the whole race, and you must lean forward to make sure you block us from seeing, so we'll have to stand and lean over the rail too!
#5 Walk over to me at least 6 times and start talking to me, and seeing I'm wearing scanner headphones ask me "What's Rusty saying?"
#6 After I threaten to beat your ass if you don't behave yourself, and stop wandering over in front of me, offer to buy me a couple of beers, then offer me the jug of whatever your passing around.
#7 You must start arguing with an usher who keeps telling you to sit down or stand in front of your seat, until said usher calls a cop to come talk to you
#8 when the cop "hot blonde" tells you "1 more time you are gone" as soon as she leaves start jumping around again. This works, no cop would ever just duck around to check on you really quick.
#9 when jackass007 starts singing happy trails to you, become violent knowing that the cops are holding you. Shows major sac!
#10 make sure you brought your bail money
That is 2 races in a row where my enjoyment has been hampered by a fucking asshole!
Poconos and Watkins Glen left until Daytona next year! Maybe Michigan..
