T1B

CHAPTER 1: ALONG THE EDGE OF A STRAIGHT RAZOR

Houston. Shit! I'm still only in Houston. Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the Hurricane. When I was home after my first trip to the beach, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my finacee, until I said 'yes' to a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond for designer wood paneling for the windows. When I was here, I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the water. I'm here a week now. I'm waiting for a wave - getting softer. Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker. And every minute Rita waits offshore, she gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter. I miss my wave runner.


Dear Diary,
Its bad enough that the news reporters keep harping about this storm, now I've got the Palestinian calling me every minute leaving messages. I swear to God she must have that cell phone in her hand every single second she isn't on a mat and praying to Mecca.

God I miss watching her ass as she prayed.

Anyhoo, I've decided to grow out a beard during this whole ordeal. I've gone three days without shaving and I think I feel some growth. Eventually I hope to grow enough to have a pencil-thin goatee. Imagine the entire world wondering who that amazing motherfucker riding the storm is... the camera closes in to show his face and the man has well-groomed facial hair.

PrimeX... OUT!

Prime wrote: I swear to God she must have that cell phone in her hand every single second she isn't on a mat and praying to Mecca.

LOL

I'm not Muslim, bitch!

Don't laugh.
This is nothing to laugh about.

I've already blocked Rita's IP so she won't be getting in my house anytime soon. If she does show up, I've totally wytched a picture of the hurricane with Gallagher and sledge-o-matic looming over it. If it knocks on my door, I shall rob it of dignity with my comical pictures.

Patsy Stone wrote:I'm not Muslim, bitch!

Yeah. Yeah. I miss you, too.

Remember the end of Point Break where Swayze had to go out on the biggest, baddest wave he could find... and died. That's kind of romantic. If I had his gall and the pants he wore in Roadhouse I would be too cool for school.

Mmmm. I likes me some dicktargeted X-Terra boy rolling up on the beach, mooning about his impending doom, while his bitch with the hot ass rings him non-stop and pleads with him to run away. I'd SO know it was a guyl like ME he was thinking about as the storm surge took him from us. I'm going to go all SmithsFan and assume the position and think about that.

MORRISSEY "VISIBLY AGITATED"

What? this storm ain't exactly hurtling at 13,500 MPH. Its taking its time and I'm kicking back with some Rum and Xanax. I guess the notion that I might die while riding the baddest waves ever crept into my mind and I got scared.


Traumatic childhood experience

Jesus Christ Lame-O go to Galveston, FubuClown will meet you there at the remains of the food stamps office.

I meant gunslinger Ya'all

Guest's Behest wrote:I meant gunslinger Ya'all

I'll be there when I can. first I need to examine how much I can help and discuss all possibilities with some unknow internet pals.

The next big disaster you can help at is the Volcanic eruption over at Dinsdale's house. You know, U & L.

Ouija Board wrote:The next big disaster you can help at is the Volcanic eruption over at Dinsdale's house. You know, U & L.

The table is rumbling.

Fabadapp.

The dog finished and wiped the love sludge off on the carpet
I rolled on the ground and rutted.

The mystical love dance we did appeased Rita and she calmed down for a second.

i'm not down with wind! it makes people laugh at me for some reason.

I have a new backyard "boombox" that looks like an alien robot. Please send in the dogs...

Squeegee Wielder wrote:Fabadapp.

Take it to the Phil Collins Sucks forum.

Is Rita God's way of gleeking on us?

I know that God is big. I also know that God is great and God is good and we should thank Him for our food. I'm just saying that God might have been gleeking on us with Katrina, but His aim was off and He gleeked on Nawlins. When God gleeks, its got to be big and its got to be gross. He's gleeking again and aiming for Texas.

Is He telling us something?

I wonder how long I can tread water.

If this storm hits and does some major damage, its not like Texas has a sewer system. The entire town would flood if some drunk was passed out in the gutter blocking water from flowing into the river.

Not only should I wonder about treading water, but if the water is diseased and I have an open sore from nicking myself while shaving my entire body, I might get a disease. I might have to clench my bottomhole tight to keep water from going up there.

So currently I'm on my couch watching CNN and listening to the wind whistle by while doing mankegels with my butthole. Check ya later.

Peter Gabriel wrote:Phil Collins Sucks

I'll take your word on that fuckfaggot

Prime wrote:I wonder how long I can tread water.

If this storm hits and does some major damage, its not like Texas has a sewer system. The entire town would flood if some drunk was passed out in the gutter blocking water from flowing into the river.

Not only should I wonder about treading water, but if the water is diseased and I have an open sore from nicking myself while shaving my entire body, I might get a disease. I might have to clench my bottomhole tight to keep water from going up there.

So currently I'm on my couch watching CNN and listening to the wind whistle by while doing mankegels with my butthole. Check ya later.

Holy fucking hell. Rack!



I love my journal!!

Peter Gabriel wrote:Fort Collins Sucks

- sin,
No Booze on Campus

Dinsdale's Combover wrote:i'm not down with wind! it makes people laugh at me for some reason.

Don't worry, I can fix that with some gel.

Dinsdale's Roommate wrote:

Dinsdale's Combover wrote:i'm not down with wind! it makes people laugh at me for some reason.

Don't worry, I can fix that with some gel.

By 'gel' I hope you don't mean semen. I don't like to waste a drop, it tastes sooooooooooo good!

DAY 2: BRING IT ON

I'm at the parent's house now. Further inland and the walls are a little more stable than my adobe hut. I'm posting from a computer that isn't loaded with goat porn so that's strange. My father (BobX) kept walking in with dumb excuses to make sure I'm not looking at goat porn. Late at night when they fell asleep, I checked the cookies but didn't find any goat porn.

The parents took me in because they were prepared and I wasn't. My mom (DorisX) is a Costco/Sam's junkie so we have enough food and beverages to last a month. Sure, its mostly Beefaroni in the family-size can and cans of Fresca, but we'll get by if need be. There are plenty of candles in the house but I hope we don't have to use them. The mixture of "Pumpkin Spice," "Potpurri" and "Lavender" scents would be too much.

Mom doesn't want to hear anything about the hurricane or see anything about the hurricane, so she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I pulled my Chappelle's Show DVD out of the baggage and popped it in. DorisX was finally offended enough to walk out of the room when Wayne Brady dropped "Don't make me have to hit a bitch."

I slept on my Return of the Jedi sheets last night. The picture of Leia all decked out in a bikini for Jabba reminded me of the early days of diddling myself. I got a nostalgia jerk session in before sleep.

Mom (DorisX) made a Tater Tot and Bagel Bite casserole for lunch today. She thinks its great that I'm back at the old place. After placing the casserole before me, she sat at the table and watched me eat. I guess I should visit more often.

Peace out.

I love this Prime.

He's so serene, and beautiful. He's comfortable enough not to be pandering to the circlejerkers, or mvscal. He reminds me of Van's beautiful Susan.

I'm hoping you are ok and able to bathe properly.















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taste me

that was me.



a little particle under my foreskin distracted me.









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stry snorting this

I'm huge in France.

Cock Pimple wrote:I'm huge in France.

No one's huge in France. They're quite thin over there. I was amazed at how much everyone is in shape. I've been there. I would know.