T1B

Thought about wearing metal underpants so I could stick to the ceiling.

Any advice?

X-rays, "MRIs," might as well be the DARK AGES.

Fun things to do at the hospital

Give the technicians something to smile about.
1) Take animal crackers.
2) Irradiate them thoroughly.
3) Swallow each one whole right before going into the MRI room.
4) They will see a zoo inside your tummy.


Smoke in the cancer wing.
Mock the amputees by dancing all about.
Wear your hospital gown backwards.
Drink apple juice out of a bedpan.
Ask the nurse for a bedpan and tell her to wait by your side til you're through with it.
Question the role of the military in response to natural disasters.
Instead of drinking the barium shake, ask to have it rectally inserted.
Follow the food cart and steal the meals of the patients too tired to eat.
Inspect the bed linens by rubbing them down there.
Fall asleep on the desk at the nurses station.
Get on the pager and say "Angel of Death, report to room 105."
Cough on people.
Grab the butt of every male doctor.
Sneeze on the Indian doctors and make it sound like you're saying "Ganeesh."
Lick all staph infections.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!



Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?
She wanted to be a nurse.



When is a school paper not a school paper?
When it's turned into the teacher.



What do flies wear on their feet?
Shoos.




What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.




What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.




Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?
Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.





A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."


You've been a truly great crowd. Thanks. Enjoy Joan Jett.

Q: What's a good name for a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

A: Lena

Q: What's a good name for a surly waiter?

A: Rudy

q. what do you call a mexican woman with one leg?

a. cuntswaylow


q. whats the difference between a straight and a gay mexican laborer?

a. half a six pack


fuk you crackers. we shall overun.

I got on the table and they pointed me at the tube. I said, "This looks like one helluva roller coaster, should I keep my arms up?" and the technician said, "I've never heard that one before."

They put a giant clamp-like deal on my knee and inserted me into the tube up to my neck.

I asked the tech if she'd shoot me out like a human cannonball when it was over and although she had probably heard that one before too, she gave me a nice courtesy laugh.

I was given headphones tuned to a "light rock" station so I listened to these tunes:

James Taylor something or other.
Something else.
Journey - When the Night Goes Down in the Cit-taaaah
Eagles - Take it Easy; I kinda liked that one, cause it seemed appropriate.
Something else.
Bryan Adams - Something that was not Foggy Mountain Breakdown.

They pulled me out of the Iron Maiden and it was done.

Not sure I'd like to be stuffed into that thang all the way. I don't like straight jackets or mummy sleeping bags.

Fester, Teller of Exciting Adventures and Co-King of This Message Board

Did they make you viddy the ultraviolence? Was that devotchka nice looking?

The tech looked like Annie, but without all the questions and chatter. She kept interrupting Bryan Adams on the headphones to see if I was okay, which I thought was nice. I liked her a lot. Holding still for 20 minutes was hard enough without being subjected to non-stop Bryan Adams.

I'm not sure how long it takes to get the results, but I should know whether my meniscus is indeed torn or whether I'm just getting achy from all that Indian leg wrestling I did with Morticia and Grandma.

The MRI tube shook like a giant vibrator, which made me think back to the days when hotel room beds came equipped with the coin-operated "Magic Finger" devices. G-Pete would have liked it.

Good times.

'slong as your flux capacitor is still working, you will be A double ok.

BTW - how do you know what a giant vibrator shakes like?

Vibrators?

I bought one of the gasoline-powered marital aides from the former Soviet Union. 18 horsepower with variable speed. You can also use it to power a belt sander.

I was wondering where those missing nukes went.

Sorry to hear the woman needs belt sander vibration level to get off.

You must shake a lot during sex.

Bizzarofelice wrote:Did they make you viddy the ultraviolence? Was that devotchka nice looking?

Rack the Clockwork reset