(!) My Greatest Hits (!)

[PSUFAN]

Mo, it's probably gone now, but let it be noted that I liked your thread on TOT about falling through a roof on a teenaged voyeur mission.


That was my first into the realm of your greatness.

[PrimeX]

I have gas.

You know the rules. You now must host this on a .wav file for all to hear.

[Van]

Moorese, you're quite simply the best writer we've seen on these boards.

Ever do anything beyond the evil scatological musings on sex/midgets/tards thing?

I take offense to that evaluation.

Sincerely,

Jay in Phoenix
Catfish
Porgy
Nostra
mcatboy
Geno
Boston Phinn
Sandman
Some old guy in Iowa named, Mace
RadioFan
PSUFAN
Dinsdale (without shrooms)
MCET
Mike the Lab Rat

Rip City

p.s. I could list more but I have gas.

Luth, you might even also add yourself to that list, along with a (very) small host of others...

Thing is, of that list I'd only consider Catfish to be in the same conversation as Moorese but even as much as I love Catfish's work....nope.

The only guy I'd put in Moorese's class as a creative writer is the one obvious choice.............

........Euro.

[Rack Fu]

Mo, it's probably gone now, but let it be noted that I liked your thread on TOT about falling through a roof on a teenaged voyeur mission.


That was my first into the realm of your greatness.

I'll second that.

[RadioFan]

Moorese, you're quite simply the best writer we've seen on these boards.

Yep. Racks aplenty.

The first-time getting laid story reminds me of a similar experience I had, not in the sense that I missed the mark and got carpet burns, but because we did get caught. Not fucking, but caught nonetheless. That's a tale for another day and another thread.

[General Peters]

How I thought I lost my virginity

Think back if you will to the early 80's...1982 to be exact. I was a freshman with an astonishingly large penis. While I did, on occasion, milk the melons, like most teenage guys I was pretty consistently lugging around a few gallons of boy goo in my swollen gnads.

Now, I don't mind bragging about my rakish good looks anymore than I mind confirming my length and girth. I was one handsome dude, and the girls, well, they loved me. At the time of this story, I was dating "Christy," a cheerleader from our chief rival high school, because she was so god damn HOT. Not too bright, but FUCK, what a smoking little body she had. Taut and coiled like a fucking snake. The kind of girl that made your balls ache just looking at her. Christy was a giggler and a cocktease of the first order. We'd been out a few times, you know, the movies and shit, and she was a midnight stroker, so I kinda figured I'd finally do the deed with her at some point.

She had cheerleading practice after school, but of course no car, so her Mom usually picked her up on the way home from her hairstylist gig. Her Mom knew she was going to be later than usual at work one day, and asked Christy if she could find another way home. So Christy calls me up, and drops the skinny...can I pick her up (I had a hardship license) so we can head to her place for a few uninterrupted hours of pleasure? Motherfucking YES I CAN.

So the day comes and I pick her up in my Chevy Vega and we head to her place. The house is a split level with a driveway along the south side that wraps around behind the back of the house. I park on the street though, and we head inside, up the steps, and get as far as the living room before I get my grope on. I'm kneading her titties like they are nerveless globs of play-doh when her dainty little hand first makes it way to my cock. Gulp! Holy shit, that first contact between soft, perfumed hand and denim is almost enough to make me pass out. And she starts going for it...she's undoing my jeans! So naturally, being the rico suave motherfucker that I am, I jam my hand down the front of her jeans like I'm plunging a toilet. She's making progress freeing my purple jack-in-the-box while I'm fumbling like a dipshit for anything pussy-related. She gets my pants and jockeys around my knees and then takes a step backwards. At this point, I'm ready to clear the picture frames off the mantle with propulsive jets of semen. She undoes her jeans and slides them off, revealing the kind of skimpy white cotton panties that really only look good on high school girls anyway. And then she slides those off...and there it is...the first bush I've ever seen by the light of day and the first bush I will have the very great satisfaction of nailing. And it's perfect...a naturally trimmed, sandy blonde wonder. She unbuttons her shirt, and undoes her front-clasp bra, but leaves them both on, then steps back towards me. We are cock to chest. She grabs my wang as I try to jam my entire fist inside of her vice-like sweetness. Fuck! She smells like baby powder. Jesus, but I can hardly get knuckle deep. She tells me, "This is going to be perfect. I want you to be my first." I'm sure I mumbled Valentino-like something to the effect of "murble."

She lays down slowly on the living room carpet, dragging me with her, and it's clear that this is going to be IT. No foreplay, no dining at the Y or polesmoking. I'm going to fuck this girl right here right now. So we stare pointedly into each other's eyes and I try to figure out how to bump my way inside her. So far, I'm basically fucking everything but her. Unfortunately, she's not helping guide my uninitiated firehose, so it's up to me. I'm getting a little impatient, mostly because I'm so fucking ready to EXPLODE, and I'm not really certain if I managed to strike pussy yet, when I get my first smooth stroke. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Nice! This is so fucking nice. I figure I'm good for at least another 2 or 3 strokes. I open my eyes and look at her so I can flash her a Don Juan look of lust - she looks back somewhat bewildered. Hell, she probably doesn't know when she's getting fucked, think I, the master fucker. Well, you're getting fucked now, bitch! One more stroke, and FUCKING KABOOM!!! I start "sperming" and dropping pounds by the nanosecond. It's like I came half my body weight - a solid twelve to fifteen contractions and load-heavy blasts. I'm so ready to collapse on top of her and suck some oxygen when we hear the unmistakable sound of car tires on gravel.

Oh, fuck no! Is it? I get up, and Christy jumps up to the living room window, announcing that her Mom's cruising down the driveway. While her firm little tush is poised by the window, I notice that her buttocks and lower back are rather saturated with an unusual amount of gack. I casually glance over to the spot where I just gave this choice piece of ass the finest fucking of her young life, and notice a HUGE puddle of cum on the carpet! What the fuck?! It looks like someone threw a bucket of yogurt off a bridge. Christy says, "Don't worry about that now, you've got to get out of here!" as she grabs panties and jeans. And it hits me... yep, it slipped right in, didn't it? right in where? right in between her ass and the carpet. Yep, I just fucked the shit out of her Mom's burnt orange shag carpet.

With one hand, I'm tugging on my jockeys and jeans, as Christy leads me to her bedroom at the back of the house. As I finish getting my jeans on, she opens her bedroom window, just as we hear her Mom at the front door. I look at her. "I'll call you," I say. She pushes me out the window, and after about an 8 foot drop, I land on her garbage can, knocking it over, and spreading shit everywhere. I stand up and hear, "What was that? Christy?" "Nothing, Mom." She pulls the blinds closed without a second look, and I sneak around the house, bolt for my car, and get the fuck out of there.

Considering it was the biggest load I ever dropped, it just might have been the best fuck I ever had.

And, sadly, no, I did not wipe my cock on the drapes.

Read that 60 seconds after jacking off and got a raging wood just reading it. I'll re-read tomorrow morning and have intercourse with a fukken grapefruit while doing so.

[M2]

Mo already knows what I think of him.

Racks to you bro!!!!

Keeping the Northwest disinfected


the truth

[rozy]

Moorese, you're quite simply the best writer we've seen on these boards.

Ever do anything beyond the evil scatological musings on sex/midgets/tards thing?

I take offense to that evaluation.

Sincerely,

Jay in Phoenix
Catfish
Porgy
Nostra
mcatboy
Geno
Boston Phinn
Sandman
Some old guy in Iowa named, Mace
RadioFan
PSUFAN
Dinsdale (without shrooms)
MCET
Mike the Lab Rat

Rip City

p.s. I could list more but I have gas.

You and I have enjoyed reminiscing in the past. But on this one, only ML and Catfish are in Mo's class. I gotta agree with Van. Any of the old guys we bring up, including Euro, Jay and MCET, all had their own unique styles and variances. But at writing of this type? Moorese.

[ggil]

Unless Moorese is the DC Smackmaster, I should think he goes in there as well as RC. (arrah see)

huh?

[Biggie]

Moorese has rocked (rocked)
For a long, long time
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of chimpanzees and midgets,
He has soared on the back of a retard.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too good for us, no more postin' for you.
We're takin' you to the Archives,
Where we will talk a lot about you.

And we will make sure that your posts are taken care of.
You'll tell us the secrets that you've learned. Wow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Moorese, on your knees!
You must give your mouse and keyboard to me.
And a smaller one for rozy.
Mo! Mo! Moorese!

[quacker backer]

Moorese has rocked (rocked)
For a long, long time
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of chimpanzees and midgets,
He has soared on the back of a retard.

It's time to pass the torch,
You're too good for us, no more postin' for you.
We're takin' you to the Archives,
Where we will talk a lot about you.

And we will make sure that your posts are taken care of.
You'll tell us the secrets that you've learned. Wow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Moorese, on your knees!
You must give your mouse and keyboard to me.
And a smaller one for rozy.
Mo! Mo! Moorese!

WIPE HIS JIZZ OFF YOUR LIPS NOW
:wink:

[SaladTosser]

Moorese, if you were a woman, I'd seriously suck your dick, dude. You are everything I had ever hoped for in an internet message board aquaintance. I think I've fallen in love with you in a nongay way. Seriously.

RACK the fuck out of this thread.

[smackaholic]

thanks for digging that up, scrote. haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

does anyone keep in contact with mo? he really needs to stop in.

[Atomic Punk]

When I think of Mo, I remember that carpet fukk story he told. Now you say ST is dead, or did he pull a troll job? I think he inferred himself to being Caddie at one point. Oh well...

[The State]

When I think of Mo, I remember that carpet fukk story he told. Now you say ST is dead, or did he pull a troll job? I think he inferred himself to being Caddie at one point. Oh well...

No - he really did die (I'm thinking about a year ago or a little more). Dude had some serious, serious problems. He could be funny as shit, but I guess that didn't translate over to a happy life.

Spreadsheet... when did you find out that Van passed ?

Last time I chatted with Van was either on the weekend chat during music or a post on this board... where he was going through chemo... and I offered him a place to stay at my get away house in Nevada City... yet, he turned it down and said, thanks. Nevada City is just about an hour from Sacramento and the reason I offered it to him as a place to relax. He seemed pretty worn out.

[smackaholic]

Van did the chemo routine and said, if this doesn't get it, it's game over. It didn't and apparently, it is. :cry:

[Goober McTuber]

Moorese, if you were a woman, I'd seriously suck your dick, dude.

~swoon~

Screwed_intheassagain