Just bought a new vacuum for the bargain price of.....

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:39 am

1600 clams. Can you guess the brand? Yep...Kirby. I don't know if it was the leaf blower, paint sprayer, scalp massager, toe nail clipper, shampooer, ball tickler or exactely which feature it was but I bought one. I'm a tough sell, too.

Starting price was a little over 2 grand but I traded off my Oreck XL that needed a new brush roller and milked them for a discount and got the tax included, too. Scoreboard me? Not likely....I got suckered in even though it is a fine machine and the demonstration really won me over.

I have a central vac system in my house that works ok but never deep cleans the carpets and my Oreck is getting shittier by the week. This saleslady vacuumed a section of my carpet 8 times with the central vac and 8 times with the Oreck and pulled all kinds of sand and pet hair out of the same spot with the Kirby. I called bullshit (thinking there was a trick involved) and repeated the procedure myself and came up with the same results.

Then she converted the Kirby like a transformer robot to a handheld shampooer and did the same spot on the carpet and a cushion on my couch and showed me how dirty the water was when she was done. I felt filthy!!!!

This chick knew her shit as I threw the tough questions at her and she explained how other vacs are glorified broomstick that brush the carpet instead of deep cleaning it. I said, "Yeah, but these things are heavy and my Oreck is light as hell" She promptly handed the thing to me and I was amazed at how much easier it is to use thanks to it's (check this out) drive motor with a hydrostatic transmission that makes it way easier than even using an Oreck.

I've been vacuuming for 2 hours and plan to take my Kirby, set up a command center, and take over the planet with that motha....just as soon as I get through the manual and figure out how to use all these features. See ya in 5 years

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:43 am

Congrats on the new rig.

However, that "Kirby" will never deep clean or suck as bad as SissyRoo.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:48 am

Pounds of pasta
Mounds of meat

http://www.asseenontv.com/

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:13 am

e wrote:how does it do with grass clippings and can it be installed on the front of a $54,000 2wd station wagon?

~r. fu
texas

I bet that sales girl could get er done in less than 5 minutes. Did I mention she had a nice rack?

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:34 am

Did I mention she had a nice rack?

We guessed that when you said "I bought a vacuum cleaner for 1600 clams".

Sorry dude, but you really do suck now. ;)

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:04 pm

Now, when you're smoking, you're not a danger to others. Just light up, and exhale into the screaming business end.

4 king guy · Post by **4 king guy** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:50 pm

Vacuum Cleaners Suck!! I bought an Electrolux 7 years ago for $700 and I thought that was nuts but I was tired of buying the $200 Hoovers every other year.

I had a USED Kirby before and it lasted us 10 years before the motor died. I wasn't going to spend Big Bucks on a stinking Vacuum and started buying Hoovers (every other year)..

It's worth paying thr price for quality but I hate spending decent money on VACUUM CLEANERS (It is a RACKET!!)

While you are at it, might as well get one of these for the Mrs.

Woomba!

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 1:59 pm

I got a vacuum cleaner for my wedding 6 years ago. Probably the best gift we got after the freezable mugs with our names etched in them.

BBMarley · Post by **BBMarley** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:20 pm

Wife registered for a $650 vaccum for our wedding- I thought she was nuts. We ended up with it, and now I woudln't use anything else. It is a Dyson Animal vaccum. With two cats and a husky- the amount of hair we have to pick up is rdidculous. This things pickes up EVERYTHING... Def worth putting the money out for a better one.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 2:28 pm

It's amazing you haven't learned the portable power of Mexican labor.

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:51 pm

Mister Bushice wrote:
Did I mention she had a nice rack?
We guessed that when you said "I bought a vacuum cleaner for 1600 clams".

Sorry dude, but you really do suck now. ;)

yeah....you're probably right as I sit here the day after.

But, my G-ma swore by these saying they will double the life of your rugs by removing the grit. That makes sense as grains of sand are seven-sided and cut your fibers as you walk on them (info from Kirby chick with the rack) Other vacs just sweep the top of the fibers.

It's got a lifetime warranty, too. PSU- I only smoke when I drink remember? Guess I'll have to drink beer as I vac now.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:56 pm

Anybody who buys one of those overpriced vacuum cleaners is a sucker, plain and simple.

You can get one for under $200 that will clean as well or better, and even with a HEPA filter.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 3:56 pm

I only smoke when I drink remember?

Just don't do it near me or Jimmah, unless you wheel out the $1,600 Supervac. May as well get the practice in for the days you'll replace that with an oxygen tank (that Jimmah bought for you).

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:06 pm

Mikey wrote:You can get one for under $200 that will clean as well or better, and even with a HEPA filter.

Link?

I agree you're a sucker if you pay $1600 for a vacuum, but there isn't anything on the market for $200 that is more efficient than a Kirby. Hell, there's nothing on the market at any price that is more efficient.

Grass Clippings · Post by **Grass Clippings** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:11 pm

e wrote:how does it do with grass clippings and can it be installed on the front of a $54,000 2wd station wagon?

~r. fu
texas

Unless kirby starts making these he's fucked -

I know from experience.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:19 pm

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product. ... id=2194375

Ninety-eight whole dollars.

Features & Specifications

The Ultra Vision Turbo has a wider cleaning path than other Vision upright vacuums, a longer stretch hose for a greater reach, a larger bumper for furniture protection and the largest dust cup on the market. From Dirt Devil; model No. MO87800.

* Wider anticlog cleaning path (15 inches)
* Onboard tools and permanently attached, deluxe, 5:1 stretch hose extend cleaning reach
* Oversize Scuff Guard bumper for furniture protection from scratches, nicks, scuffs
* Largest dust cup capacity (about 4 quarts)
* Powerful, 12-amp motor
* Air-driven turbo tool with brush roll agitates fibers in upholstery and fabrics to pull out embedded dirt
* Patented bagless technology eliminates the need to buy bags
* HEPA cartridge filter traps 100 percent of pollens and ragweed and 99.97 percent of dust and other allergens
* Model No. M087800
* Although we do not carry replacement accessories, parts or filters online, you can order these directly from the manufacturer at 800-321-1134
* Also available in select Wal-Mart stores

Vacuum Features: Bagless,Allergen
Floor Type: Carpet,Stairs
Cleaning Function: Pets,Large Area
Cleaning Path Width: 15"
Suction Amps: 12
On Board Tools: Yes
Brushroll on/off switch: No
Filtration Type: HEPA
Cord Length: 32'
Headlight: Yes
Unique feature: Durable metal handle
Model No.: M087800
Shipping Weight (in pounds): 19.0
Product in Inches (L x W x H): 12.5 x 16.5 x 38.0
Assembled in Country of Origin: Imported
Origin of Components: Imported

1600 clams.
...
I'm a tough sell, too.

Sorry, I'm a big H4E fan, but I have to call bullshit on this one. Do you have a whole wing of your house dedicated to Ronco, or does the Salvation Army truck visit weekly?

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:23 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
Mikey wrote:You can get one for under $200 that will clean as well or better, and even with a HEPA filter.
Link?

I agree you're a sucker if you pay $1600 for a vacuum, but there isn't anything on the market for $200 that is more efficient than a Kirby. Hell, there's nothing on the market at any price that is more efficient.

I said as well or better. The OL bought, I think, a Eureka a month or so ago that cleans as well as anything I've seen. I'm not sure of the model but I'll try and get it when I go home today.

IMO, "bagless" is not a particularly attractive "feature". Sure, you don't have to buy bags, but what's more convenient - emptying out some dusty bucket that you have to detach from the machine or just pulling out the bag and replacing it? Our new one has a HEPA filter that keeps dust from getting recirculated into the air, and this is one of the most important newer features available.

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:30 pm

Did I mention she was a hottie? And she batted her eyes? She was constantly bending over and partially exposing her fun bags scantily concealed in the low cut top. The jerk I got on last night thinking about them was worth at least a couple hundred. :D

Naw, she seriously pulled out several brands of hepa filter material and showed me their ineffectiveness as compared to Kirby's hepa filter. The American lung association only endorses Kirby's hepa. Some other association for asthmatics recommends it, too. It's also tax deductible if you have an asthmatic in the house. God, she had nice tits

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:33 pm

The American lung association only endorses

Oh, the irony. Jimmah's healthcare costs have such a look on their faces...

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:40 pm

PSUFAN wrote:
The American lung association only endorses
Oh, the irony. Jimmah's healthcare costs have such a look on their faces...

Yeah I know...according to Jimmah, that first smoke I tried in High School made his premiums go up 5 bucks a month now. His fat neighbor with the 20K gut staple has stopped taking insulin and is now saving him money.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:42 pm

What a great catchphrase "hepa" is.

In the world of big-titted vacuum cleaner sales, it means "High Efficiency Particulate Air" filter.

In Latin, it means "filter."

If only all acronyms could be so poetic.

Now, you may all GFY and EAD.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:43 pm

My big-titted wife insists on HEPA. I can readily provision her with this for under $100.

Thank god for acronyms.

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 4:51 pm

PSUFAN wrote:My big-titted wife insists on HEPA. I can readily provision her with this for under $100.

Thank god for acronyms.

Hairy Entrance Pussy Action? Horrendous Effort Penal Activity?

Sorry...too easy.

SoCalTrjn · Post by **SoCalTrjn** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:12 pm

used to be a Kirby guy, then my now wife showed up with this thing called an Electrolux, its much better

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:22 pm

Mikey, you poor cheap son of a bitch, you should have done your homework and bought a decent vacuum. You are living with a lot of dirt and dust with that new cheap ass "Eureka." White trash is alive and well in So Cal.

BBMarley · Post by **BBMarley** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:33 pm

Mikey wrote:
I said as well or better. The OL bought, I think, a Eureka a month or so ago that cleans as well as anything I've seen. I'm not sure of the model but I'll try and get it when I go home today.

I used to agree with you Mikey... but when we got the Dyson- I ran a test. I vacummed our floors with our $250 Hoover (was only about 6 months old at the time). I then went over the same floor with the Dyson. The amount of dirt and hair that the Dyson picked up AFTER the Hoover was incredible.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:35 pm

White trash is alive and well in So Cal.

Really, I'm SHOCKED, trev. Thanks for the report.

Husker4ever · Post by **Husker4ever** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 5:43 pm

BBMarley wrote:
Mikey wrote:
I said as well or better. The OL bought, I think, a Eureka a month or so ago that cleans as well as anything I've seen. I'm not sure of the model but I'll try and get it when I go home today.
I used to agree with you Mikey... but when we got the Dyson- I ran a test. I vacummed our floors with our $250 Hoover (was only about 6 months old at the time). I then went over the same floor with the Dyson. The amount of dirt and hair that the Dyson picked up AFTER the Hoover was incredible.

I heard good things about the Dyson and how great they are with pet hair. I asked her about them and she told me that a Dyson is a souped up Hoover (more powerful motor) so it still has the lack of efficiency as compared to the Kirby. Bang for the buck Dyson probably wins out, though.

If you want your rugs the cleanest they can be and reduce your indoor air pollution...go with the Kirby. They work great and are designed to remove skin cells and dust mites from your mattresses, too.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:04 pm

trev wrote:Mikey, you poor cheap son of a bitch, you should have done your homework and bought a decent vacuum. You are living with a lot of dirt and dust with that new cheap ass "Eureka." White trash is alive and well in So Cal.

Congrats and all due props for proving your ignorance and gullibility.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:07 pm

I got me one of these:

Best Vac EVER. Cleans the room and parks itself to recharge. I don't have to do anything but empty the dirt cartridge.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:13 pm

Here's one rating...

Obviously not the only opinion out there, but trev GFY, OK?

Best Vacuum Cleaners: (out of 98 )
Eureka Boss Smart Vac 4870 GZ, Kenmore Progressive 35923, Bissell Lift-Off Bagless 3750

Where to Buy Fast Answers Full Story All Reviews

Fast Answers - Best Vacuum Cleaners
Top Rated What the Research Says
• Eureka Boss Smart Vac 4870 GZ
(*est. $150)

Best value, bagging vacuum.

Reviews say the Eureka 4870 is the best value in a bagging upright vacuum cleaner, cleaning as well or better than more expensive models, especially on carpet. The Eureka vacuum also ships with a sealed HEPA filter and does well in noise tests. This vacuum cleaner has on-board attachments and brushroll on/off control. At 21 pounds, the Eureka is a bit more cumbersome to push than the Kenmore Progressive below. You still have to change a bag, but for those who want a good all-around model for a modest price, the Boss is the best upright vacuum.

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/house ... index.html

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:22 pm

It's essentially "good for the price". That doesn't make it "as good or better" than a Kirby. It just isn't. It's not even subjective.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:46 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:It's essentially "good for the price". That doesn't make it "as good or better" than a Kirby. It just isn't. It's not even subjective.

Did you read the review?

Reviews say the Eureka 4870 is the best value in a bagging upright vacuum cleaner, cleaning as well or better than more expensive models, especially on carpet.

So tell me, just what makes a Kirby "better". I'd really like to know because in my 50+ years I've used many different vacuum cleaners and this Eureka cleans dirt, pet hair and anything else from carpets as well or better than any other vacuum I've tried. To me, this is the basic requirement for a vacuum. The fact that it has a very functional upholstery tool with a powered brush, and the HEPA filter are added "plusses". Also, you can turn the carpet brush off when you are doing bare floors.

I haven't used a recent new Kirby, but I've used them before and have not found them to be that superior. I'd really like to know what makes them worth 3 times (or whatever) the price.

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:54 pm

You know, I never thought I'd see the day on any of these boards when a group of "alleged" heterosexual men would have a running arguement going over... vacuum cleaners.

I guess next week you can argue over where the best is to get your nails done.

Whole buncha' Mr. Moms up in this bitch. 220, 221, whatever it takes

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 6:58 pm

DMike316 wrote:You know, I never thought I'd see the day on any of these boards when a group of "alleged" heterosexual men would have a running arguement going over... vacuum cleaners.

I guess next week you can argue over where the best is to get your nails done.

Whole buncha' Mr. Moms up in this bitch. 220, 221, whatever it takes

Shhh. I'm enjoying Mikey's melt.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:04 pm

trev wrote:
DMike316 wrote:You know, I never thought I'd see the day on any of these boards when a group of "alleged" heterosexual men would have a running arguement going over... vacuum cleaners.

I guess next week you can argue over where the best is to get your nails done.

Whole buncha' Mr. Moms up in this bitch. 220, 221, whatever it takes
Shhh. I'm enjoying Mikey's melt.

So, because I responded to your post (which was a response to mine), it's a "melt".

OK, whatever. I guess you really put me in my place there. Apparently this is the best you can do.

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:09 pm

Mikey, enjoy fussing over your vaccum cleaner. I like high quality appliances. It's just a personal preference. Let me know how changing the bag every week go's for you, buddy.

I didn't mean to squash your manhood.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:18 pm

trev wrote:I like high quality appliances. It's just a personal preference.

That’s right. You’re the one with the 5 hp Briggs & Stratton hooked up to your dildo.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 7:49 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:You’re the one with the 5 hp Briggs & Stratton hooked up to your dildo.

I thought that was me?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Apr 12, 2006 8:06 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:You’re the one with the 5 hp Briggs & Stratton hooked up to your dildo.
I thought that was me?

I didn’t realize you had a motorized dildo. If I thought you had one, I’d guess the name on the side would be Cummins.