Stripper Rant from Craig's List

[PSUFAN]

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/about/ ... 91048.html

Stripper Rant

Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST


1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.



this is in or around In your lap

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Dinsdale]

Hey PSU -- just because you just discovered CL, doesn't mean the rest of us haven't been checking out the Best Of R&R for years and years.

That stripper bit was pretty fresh...when it was posted a couple of months ago.

[PSUFAN]

Did I ask for Dinsdale's Browsing History? If I wanted to know what sites you've visited (ok, is the icepick handy?) then I'd ask DiT or 88, got it?

[Dinsdale]

CL finally made it to Pittsburg, eh?

[PSUFAN]

That stripper bit was pretty fresh...when it was posted a couple of months ago.

Stripper Rant

Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST

Lacing your Keds up through your own poop chute lately?

[DMike316]

If I wanted to know what sites you've visited (ok, is the icepick handy?) then I'd ask DiT or 88, got it?

Or you could check edmunds.com

[PSUFAN]

Hey D$ - did you see where some bitch microwaved a fake cock for a drug test over in #$%$port? Or didn't Dins create the Wikipedia entry yet?

[Dinsdale]

Yeah, 6+ weeks is MUCH different from "a couple of months."

I see the intelligence around here hasn't been one 1QuickSI'ed since I last checked.

[Spinach Genie]

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

Well, that or even the hint that you are in possession of cocaine.

[PSUFAN]

Yeah, 6+ weeks is MUCH different from "a couple of months."

OK, if you say so. Pardon my momentary forgetting that you're a World-Renowned Expert on Time Intervals and the Fools that Measure them Inaccurately.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I'm trying to figure out what's a more feeble attempt at smack - Dins' reference to PSU's lack of CraigsList knowledge, or PSU shoving Dins' point aside to make way for a literal triviality.

[Bizzarofelice]

I'm trying to figure out what's a more feeble attempt at smack - Dins' reference to PSU's lack of CraigsList knowledge, or PSU shoving Dins' point aside to make way for a literal triviality.

werd

[PSUFAN]

Thanks. Now that we've heard form the sniveling cunts at either end of the peanut gallery, we can proceed apace.

[Bizzarofelice]

Thanks. Now that we've heard form the sniveling cunts at either end of the peanut gallery, we can proceed apace.

Which ones? The ones that would like to discuss strippers in a stripper thread or the ones that are having a slapfight over craigslist?

[Uncle Fester]

I never liked strip joints. Too pathetic on too many levels.

[Cicero]

I never liked strip joints. Too pathetic on too many levels.

true

[PSUFAN]

You guys slapfighting? I'll slapfight.

--unknown

[BSmack]

I never liked strip joints. Too pathetic on too many levels.

Bingo.

Though I must say the clubs in Ontario provided some small diversion when I was forced tio live in Buffalo on business for 4 months. But as a general rule, they are lame.

[Neely8]

I never liked strip joints. Too pathetic on too many levels.

Bingo.

Though I must say the clubs in Ontario provided some small diversion when I was forced tio live in Buffalo on business for 4 months. But as a general rule, they are lame.

Montreal was fun. At least the chicks up there don't have a stick up their ass like this one does......

[Moving Sale]

But as a general rule, they are lame.

I disagree. There is a lot of the shit that this twat is bitching about going on, but if you have some money to blow and you're getting good regular pussy so you're not all horned up, they are pretty fun. Naked chicks. Some bump and grind. She gets more $ and less hassle than she's used to so you get a good show. You spend about the same as you would in a regular bar... did I mention the naked chicks? Sure some places suck because of poor management, shit building, ugly hoes or whatever, but I have always found nice ones to be fun. A tad pathetic, but fun non the less.

[Bizzarofelice]

You spend about the same as you would in a regular bar

Except for the 6 dollar bottles of Bud, 8 dollar ATM fee and habit of putting 5 spots on stages.

[Cicero]

Ass to mouth is only $8 these days?

[SunCoastSooner]

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/about/ ... 91048.html

Stripper Rant

Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST


1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

Hey if you want the damn dollar bill so damn badly work for it bitch. Your obviously not a CPA so be thankful.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

Why the fuck do you think he is at the strip club in the first place? MENSA you are not.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

No but if my boss or buddy is buying I'm not turning it down either skank.

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

Yeah, we already knew this but the sound and your facial expression are well worth it.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

Maybe if you didn't look like a pitt bull dragged through the cheese grater then you wouldn't be working at a club where they have "Happy Hour No Cover" and you wouldn't have to worry about it.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

Need another fity spot then huh?

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

I wondered why they were lopsided. Must have had them done by the same guy you are complaining about with the one dollar bills.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

And just think you chose this as your career choice. And yet you still expect our sympathy. Rack the guy for getting over on your ass.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

Outside of the club where there is real lighting, less make up, no glitter, and I'm sober I wouldn't want you to.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

And yet, once again, you chose this as your career. What did you expect Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, and Kevin Costner to come in on nightly basis.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

How about this... you go to work for a club doesn't have a twice convicted felon owning it so they can have a Liq. Lic. This also leads right back into pitt bulls and cheese graters.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

You and just about every other woman on Earth, thanks for the news flash.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

My ass may be dumb but the reason I want to smoke is too disguise the smell from yours.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

No, let me brake this down to you simply since you will never be mistaken for a Rhodes Scholar... Some of us use clubs to grease clients, bachelor's parties, and because it was our friends turn to choose the night cap spot.. Some/many of us have wives at home just as hot as anything you can shake in my face and we get to bang the hell out of them for free.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

It's just you I'm not tipping, not the girl before or the girl after, just you. Once again see Pitt bull and cheese grater comments.

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

What a shock your just as dirty as I thought... and you wonder why I am not paying attention and tipping your dirty ass.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

If your titties weren't sagging on my forehead I wouldn't be touching them.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

This goes both ways... see #31 & #34.

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

Well thanks, maybe it would affect me if I hadn't called my wife and let her know that I was taking clients to your establishment... either that or she is sitting next to me and it was her you were supposed to be working the tip out of. By the way tell the good looking one over there that my wife wants to buy me a lap dance, I'll give you a quarter.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

If they weren't cheap asses they would be at a real night club looking for pussy that they had a shot of taking home. These people are the reason you have a job.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

Just tell the truth it is because it is easy access to drugs, booze and the money

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

Yeah and mine is Peter Pan, this is tinkerbell sitting next to me, the rest of the guys here at the table are the Lost Boys, nice to meet ya.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

A quater paper is much more effective... so I'm told.

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

He did and she told us to ask the ugly brunette with the overbite, we assumed that meant you.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

The whole point in asking you was because it was his first time dumbass.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

Get enough of that at home from your father I assume.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

I dunno if I understood this right because I don't frequent strip clubs often enough so I don't feel comfortable commenting on it. I have a good idea but better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

For 10 grand I can get a real high class hooker from the escort service in Destin... and a used car. Don't flatter yourself your not worth 10% of that.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

Has anyone ever really met someone who does this? I have only heard stories.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

I believe that was your crotch and not the pole itself.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

She knows the words, she does the same routine every night to the same song she is just too slow to keep up.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

Either that or clip the talons.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

If her water wasn't cut off because she spent all her money on coke and booze she would be able to do so but seeing as though she the monkey is always on her back it's hard to keep up with the small shit like Water, electricity, and rent.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

We'll no shit if he didn't he would be working at "The Swamp", "Nighttown", "A.J.'s" or one of the other numerous night clubs in town making more than minimum wage so he can stare at pussy all day.

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

A stripper with meaning is like a track star with only one leg... they don't exist.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

If they weren't fucking weird or disturbed they wouldn't be strippers.

[M2]

Easy there SCS/IB...

Any issues you'd like to discuss about your past with say... strippers??

[Moving Sale]

You spend about the same as you would in a regular bar

Except for the 6 dollar bottles of Bud, 8 dollar ATM fee and habit of putting 5 spots on stages.

Drinks are expensive in bars, especially city bars where most of the strip clubs I've been to are. I don't have an ATM card and I buy lots of drinks in bars that I don't in strip clubs. The money is a wash believe me. Your chance of getting laid goes down sure, but if your getting regular pussy a 100% chance of seeing fine strange is sometimes better than taking your chances at landing some in a bar. I guess if I had a better batting average in bars ('Sup Dins?) I might think different.

[SunCoastSooner]

Easy there SCS/IB...

Any issues you'd like to discuss about your past with say... strippers??

No not really. Never met but one that I would piss in their mouth if their lips were on fire though. For the most part strippers are drugged, boozed out, whores. I prefer my women with a touch of class and that doesn't feel as though they "have" to wave their pussy around infront of God and country to make a quick buck. I have more respect for drug dealers atleast they prey upon the weak minded where as these women just prey upon a bunch of lonely, ugly, fat men and then bitch about it constantly.

The only stripper I ever met with half a brain and that wasn't a drugged out whore is a girl who lives out here from a high class joint in Dallas. She runs her own service along with her husband, who is a stripper as well (might have seen him on MTV back in the late 90s during the Panama City spring break phase they had. She is also the only one I have ever met with a degree though as well. I grease clients (especially of the out of town variety) at her place because of it.

[PSUFAN]

her husband, who is a stripper as well (might have seen him

nope, I think I missed that.

[BSmack]

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

Has anyone ever really met someone who does this? I have only heard stories.

Unless the person telling the story is a member of Motley Crue, I'm doubting it.

[SunCoastSooner]

her husband, who is a stripper as well (might have seen him

nope, I think I missed that.

They didn't strip on national non-premium television it was just a promotional deal for a club MTV was propping in Panama City.

I didn't see it either but that is his claim to fame and he makes bank. He has crew are requested all over the country by women who have more money than brains. They pay all the expenses on top of his actual fees and tips for the show. He is also a pretty smart and business savy kind of guy. I have a great deal of respect for how hard he and his wife work. But as I said before, they are the only ones I have met like that, especially of the female variety.