Brick Houses

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:45 pm

My uncle built his dream house by using bricks he made himself. He was a postal carrier and said it was the only way he could afford it.

His hand-built, eccentric but cool house just sold for about $250,000.

So how does an unskilled, untrained dumb fukker like myself go about such an undertaking?

I'll take my answer off air.

-Fess, wanting to relocate to the boonies on the cheap.

socal · Post by **socal** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:51 pm

Duh.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:54 pm

I don't know Fester. A few months ago I was traipsing around this small town in Israel when they showed us a small house made of goat shit and straw. Actually it was below ground, so the top portion above ground was shit. They also had an above ground shit/straw oven deal. Nothing like the smell of fresh Bedouin bread and fecal in the morning.

If I were you, I'd start binge eating bran muffins, pizza, steak, hot dogs and such and then crapping way back by the fenceline in your back yard. Store up your poop pies until you're ready to build. You might want to stack them under a pole barn or something to keep them solid.

At least you'd be able to say, "Yeah, I built that shit all by myself."

Rip City

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:05 pm

If I were you, I'd start binge eating bran muffins, pizza, steak, hot dogs and such...

-washed down with Hamm's?

My uncle's house was cooler than hell. He even put in an in-ground pool. I'm sure Dinsdale's head would have exploded because he didn't use square deck screws, but people in Wisconsin are skilled in the art of turning hayfields into home-built Taj Mahal's with nary a building inspector or professional contractor in sight.

I want out of the Twin Cities and I don't want to play the fukking home builder game.

So Y2k, how do I construct my own bricks? I'd like to knock out a few tonight in the oven whilst I bake up a Tombstone pizza.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:10 pm

Fester...

step 1: go out & get yourself some jews...

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:11 pm

John Turturro made a movie called "Mac". Must have been an homage to his father or someone close, because it really gave romance to bricklayers and other tradesmen.

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:11 pm

Like this?

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:19 pm

Cuda wrote:Fester...

step 1: go out & get yourself some jews...

No wonder Shrub has back problems, it's embeded in his genetic makeup. 1) using bad form in picking up that rock (lift with your legs) & 2) some Egytian Rayder James is about to go Mid-Evil (before mid-evil ever was) on his lumbar. Don't even get me started on Shlomo #2 in the background lugging that sack of flour ...

Oy fucking Vey, now my back hurts!

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:20 pm

^^ Yeah she's a Brick----House.

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:20 pm

Fester, I wouldn't know how you'd go about building a house, but I do know you could probably wallpaper the bastard with your shitty Sahkah takes.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:22 pm

Fester...

step 1: go out & get yourself some jews...

I'll fire off a few Estes rockets their way. My place will be crawling with them.

Then a midget in a jeans jacket will tell me to WAKE UP!

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:49 pm

Nish wrote: Fester, I wouldn't know how you'd go about building a house, but I do know you could probably wallpaper the bastard with your shitty Sahkah takes.

Some day, after yet another round of jostling and being jabbed in the ribs by a passel of bored, atonal, drunken, slobbering soccer hooligans, you'll look up at the scoreboard with its 0-0 result and say to yourself, "Jesus Christ in a Chicken basket, what am I doing here? This stuff is absolute bullshit."

Later on at the pub you'll be sucking down a pint of Fullers, lamenting all the years you've wasted watching soccer, and you'll raise your glass and give me the toast I so richly deserve.

(I got all this from a psychic in the Dells outside the Ripley's Believe It or Not wax museum so it's bound to be true.)

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:05 pm

Yeah she's a Brick----House.

that's what I thought
this thread was about too !!
brought back memories of MrsO
when I first met her--
dayum !!

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:13 pm

Build it from old tires. Cheap and comparitively easy. Great insulation factor as well.

jiminphilly · Post by **jiminphilly** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:13 pm

PBS sells a video about this guy every year as part of their fundraiser. He built his log home in some Alaskan wildlife reserve all with hand made tools. Very cool video to watch. He's now 6 feet under but I bet his video might help.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:42 pm

I have the book and I've watched the video about 1,200 times.

"I need a new door so I'll cut one out of a cedar log. A few nails and the door is ready to go! Next, I'll install a thermo-nuclear reactor in the basement for heat. I fashion one out of an old gas can, a fish hook, and a can of refried beans. Works perfectly!"

I've even got the voice down. Drives my wife crazy.

That dude was my hero.

My plan is to move in next to Proper Tool.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:27 am

So Y2k, how do I construct my own bricks? I'd like to knock out a few tonight in the oven whilst I bake up a Tombstone pizza.

Fester,
Unfortunately you found the right guy that knows way to much on this subject and I know as it may be a total shock to all............
Not even Dinsdale can carry my jock on this area of expertise.
I am blessed....... Really

We are talking "Making Bricks" here so it's a given to go ole school. Lets use my family history on this and go with the time they started our empire here in lovely Fresno Ca as an example.

You gotta purchase a good flat piece of land preferably with a couple shade trees but a lot of full sun.

It's time to build that oven to cook the bricks obviously the bigger the better. It can be fashioned outta a bunch of different stuff but I recommened something "fireproof" to help speed up the process. A hole on top or even a stovepipe over the firepit or stove (if you want fancy) to let the woodsmoke out is a must, ya also gotta have a couple airvents down near the bottom because fresh air and fire are friends. You gotta fashion up something that'll hold up awhile because oddly enough it takes some time to make enough brick to build your casa with the best. Collect large amounts of wood, hell if it burns grab it.

Here's where it gets fun. Hit up everyone, family and fliend and remind them how much they owe you a favor or 12.
You have some trucks come dump some sand, cement and a bunch of dirt in seperate piles. Dirt with clay is a good thing BTW.
and hook up the ole waterhose to the well, it's time to party.

Sure you could get a fancy mixer that runs on gas or electricity but throw down some big ole mixing type tubs and hand a hoe to the nephew or neice of choice (this is also good for your own kids as well as it builds character) and some shovels to a few others. You throw in about 60% dirt, 20% sand and then cement (the amounts of cement/sand can be interchangeable depending on budget)
Note: More cement = strong but hey "who's gonna live forever right?"
Show some poor kid the right amount of water to add to the mix and start stirring with that hoe, with luck the kids won't hate you forever.

Appoint the older kids "The form builder and filler crew." Brainwash them into thinking this is an "important" place and they should give you props for them being chosen over those other poor saps with shovels and Hoes. They gotta build some wood forms into a lot of rectangles. Keep in mind that having some straight wood and keeping these rectangles the same size can be a good thing. In an open area lay out some pieces of flat material, plywood or even the hood of Uncle Emersons ole 36 Ford that you pounded flat works, lay out yer forms it's go time.

Get Mud Makers to deliver to the Form fillers and pack that mold tight, carefully clean of the excess then have the "form tapping" crew tap moderately on all the form wood till it settles down tight. Wait till the mix drys just enough to slide off those forms and leave a buncha lil bricks for cooking.

Stacker crew carefully the bricks to the oven while "fire guy" cranks up the heat. When it's good and dangerously hot, close that door and slow cook em like some ribs or a fine brisket. When done Stacker crews carrys all the fine baked goods over to the area ya wanna work at.

Done!
Repeat as necessary or until a family mutiny whichever comes first.

You now can either start building by setting those bricks into Brick Mortar (another job that you'll make some Hayta's BTW) or pass it off on a relative by using guilt or blackmail, your choice.

Important Note:
If some Building Official shows up demanding "proof" in regards to the bricks ability to pass strength tests done by a labratory geek.......
Shoot him dead.
It's been rumored that Building Officials can be known to add several hundred PSI to a good Brick or Mortar Mix but who knows. Best of Luck and enjoy the Pizza.

jiminphilly · Post by **jiminphilly** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:12 am

Uncle Fester wrote:I have the book and I've watched the video about 1,200 times.

"I need a new door so I'll cut one out of a cedar log. A few nails and the door is ready to go! Next, I'll install a thermo-nuclear reactor in the basement for heat. I fashion one out of an old gas can, a fish hook, and a can of refried beans. Works perfectly!"
I've even got the voice down. Drives my wife crazy.

That dude was my hero.

My plan is to move in next to Proper Tool.

rack that video. I'm getting a copy soon for the winter time.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:13 am

Just save all your beer cans for a few months, fill the fuckers with concrete and your good to go.

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 2:20 am

The Seer wrote:Like this?

That is a fine house!! Nice back door. I like the roof and the location looks perfect!!

So how does an unskilled, untrained dumb fukker like myself go about such an undertaking?

Start with Hello and see where it goes from there...

You also could tell her that you would like to build a house and could use her help!

She'll appreciate that!!

I think she could do wonders with wood!! (just a guess!)

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:15 pm

Y2K:

Thanks for the primer. It's going in my file for future reference. I have a vague recollection of sand piles, cement mixers, and other fun stuff at my uncle's house. Every time we went to visit, the house had a new addition on it and his basement was ultra cool, like the catacombs of Rome.

Who'd thunk a humble postman could build himself a dream home with nothing but hard work, a bunch of home-made bricks, and nary a Dinsdale in sight.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:18 pm

Rack that guy! That show is awesome.

Mike the Lab Rat · Post by **Mike the Lab Rat** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:20 pm

I'd ask one of these guys.

Make sure you snag the right one, 'cuz apparently one
of the little friggers made his house out of sticks, while
the other made his out of straw.

The wolf will help you out....

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:21 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:and nary a Dinsdale in sight.

Here Out West, we have these things called "earthquakes," and I'm pretty sure I'd be avoiding a home-cooked, uninspected mausoleum/house.

...Not that I wouldn't be avoiding your "special uncle" 's basement, regardless.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:25 pm

...Not that I wouldn't be avoiding your "special uncle" 's basement, regardless.

I think he had a building inspector sealed up inside one of the brick walls.

Ucant#Ÿ³ · Post by **Ucant#Ÿ³** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:03 pm

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:

No wonder Shrub has back problems, it's embeded in his genetic makeup. 1) using bad form in picking up that rock (lift with your legs) & 2) some Egytian Rayder James is about to go Mid-Evil (before mid-evil ever was) on his lumbar. Don't even get me started on Shlomo #2 in the background lugging that sack of flour ...

Oy fucking Vey, now my back hurts!

RACK!

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:13 pm

Schlomo #2...insta-classic?

ND Funk Cake · Post by **ND Funk Cake** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:42 am

The Seer wrote:Like this?

That certainly is mighty mighty.