How much lazier can this country get

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 6:52 pm

I know I am one to speak but how lazy are these loaded people in the market for the new Lexus Ls that can parallel park itself? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q9d--Jb1I0

Do you really want to trust this thing if you got to squeeze between a hummer and an escalade?
How many people who want this car would actually be parking it themselves in the first place?

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 6:57 pm

Do you really want to trust this thing if you got to squeeze between a hummer and an escalade?

Don't knock it - that'd be the closest thing to a mercyfuck you ever had.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:20 pm

jtr wrote:I know I am one to speak

Then shut the fuck up you crisco filled piglet.

Parallel parking has nothing to do with being "lazy", stay puft-and while I would personally never want such a feature on any car I roll in, I know a few fucking women that certainly need that feature badly.

Lets just call it what it is: A car for women because they fucking suck at driving.

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:40 pm

Raydah James wrote:Lets just call it what it is: A car for women because they fucking suck at driving.

RACK. Detroit should really get to work on that feature where where every automobile has a BAC tube that one has to blow into before their car starts.... thus keeping drunk drivers off of the roads and whatnot. It could also check the DNA for estrogen levels. Chicks like PSUFAG could then just talk into some GPS device with auto-drive that will take these useless bitches to their destination. The only drawback is that PSUFAG may blow her boyfriend's man-tapioca back into the tube, thus causing the device to misread her DNA for that of a man.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:55 pm

Ucant#-463,721 wrote:
Raydah James wrote:Lets just call it what it is: A car for women because they fucking suck at driving.

RACK. Detroit should really get to work on that feature where where every automobile has a BAC tube that one has to blow into before their car starts.... thus keeping drunk drivers off of the roads and whatnot. It could also check the DNA for estrogen levels. Chicks like PSUFAG could then just talk into some GPS device with auto-drive that will take these useless bitches to their destination. The only drawback is that PSUFAG may blow her boyfriend's man-tapioca back into the tube, thus causing the device to misread her DNA for that of a man.

RACK

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:04 pm

Ucant#-463,721 wrote:
Raydah James wrote:Lets just call it what it is: A car for women because they fucking suck at driving.

RACK. Detroit should really get to work on that feature where where every automobile has a BAC tube that one has to blow into before their car starts.... thus keeping drunk drivers off of the roads and whatnot. It could also check the DNA for estrogen levels. Chicks like PSUFAG could then just talk into some GPS device with auto-drive that will take these useless bitches to their destination. The only drawback is that PSUFAG may blow her boyfriend's man-tapioca back into the tube, thus causing the device to misread her DNA for that of a man.

I'm sorry, fellow PSUfan, but I've gotta give props when they're due...

That was quite possibly one of the best blasts I've ever witnessed on the boards. Just stay down.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:26 pm

Raydah James wrote:

Parallel parking has nothing to do with being "lazy", stay puft-and while I would personally never want such a feature on any car I roll in, .

Are you sure of this?

I see great potential for hilarity with this feature in a rental car

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:44 pm

And think about the 30 extra seconds you'll have trying to cover up your bald patch with more styling jizz in the rear view mirror.

Trampis · Post by **Trampis** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:13 am

Sometimes,when Im in line at the boat launch,I think how nice it would be for some of the poor fuks in front of me to have a truck that would back there trailer straight down the boat launch in one try.No jackniving..just perfect the first time.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:52 pm

There's nothing that shows human ineptness in all of its full glory like a boat ramp.

If a person is really drunk and hard up for entertainment around these parts, they can go down some beers underneath the Sellwood Bridge here in Portland. I'm not sure when it was that the morons decided that old ferry launch was now a boat ramp, but they did. It's a few slabs of concrete on the riverbank, and it doesn't go out very far, at all. When the river is low in summer, at some point during the day, some idiot will back their trailer down it, and before the boat floats off the trailer, they'll run out of "ramp" and hit the dropoff. Saw a guy do that with a brand-spanking new Toyota truck. Someone even tried to stop him, but he used the famous white-trash last words:

"I know what I'm doing!"

Well, if "what you're doing" was intended to be having your boat and trailer drop off the "ramp" into the river channel, and having it drag your brand new truck right down the ramp behind it, making new truck go "bye'-bye," then yeah bud...you knew what you were doing.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:59 pm

Boat ramps are gold mines in more ways than that.

Sometime, take a mask, fins, scuba tank and a big honkinn bag down to any boat ramp and collect all the stuff idiot boaters lose there: binoculars wallets, fish finders, fishing gear, radios... one guy I know found a salvageable outboard motor.

most non-electronic stuff can be salvaged if it hasn't been in the water more than a couple months

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:06 pm

Cuda wrote:Boat ramps are gold mines in more ways than that.

Sometime, take a mask, fins, scuba tank and a big honkinn bag down to any boat ramp and collect all the stuff idiot boaters lose there: binoculars wallets, fish finders, fishing gear, radios... one guy I know found a salvageable outboard motor.

most non-electronic stuff can be salvaged if it hasn't been in the water more than a couple months

Unemployments checks ran out, did they? I guess the local bums kicked your ass when they saw you with a shopping cart near their dumpsters. RACK your resourcefulness.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:07 pm

Ucant#-463,721 wrote:
Unemployments checks ran out, did they?

5 more weeks, baby!

Then I gotta start looking...

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:21 pm

You know Cuda's very keen on recycling.

Sincerely,
Dear Dottie, Weekly World News

Trampis · Post by **Trampis** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:27 pm

Cuda wrote:Boat ramps are gold mines in more ways than that.

Sometime, take a mask, fins, scuba tank and a big honkinn bag down to any boat ramp and collect all the stuff idiot boaters lose there: binoculars wallets, fish finders, fishing gear, radios... one guy I know found a salvageable outboard motor.

most non-electronic stuff can be salvaged if it hasn't been in the water more than a couple months

Went steelhead fishing one COLD December day a few years back,and as I was leaning out over the water to pull the boat along the dock to get it ready to be loaded, my $75 sunglasses dropped out of my shirt pocket into the 5' deep,38 degree water...nice.Couldnt see them in the water,and no amount of dredging with my bigass fish net could scrunge them off the rocky bottom.$10 sunglasses are now stylish enough for me now.

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:47 pm

Trampis wrote:my $75 sunglasses dropped out of my shirt pocket into the 5' deep,38 degree water...nice.

And yet, the pack of Camels stayed in your shirt pocket. Sorry about the Ray Ban Aviators.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 5:56 pm

$75 sunglasses?

Sin,
Polo #463,721

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:06 pm

$75 sunglasses?

$75 polos?

Who are you tools trying to impress?

It must really suck to have to pay money to be "cool."

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:28 pm

Dinsdale wrote:$75 sunglasses?

Sin,
Polo #463,721

According to my Rootstaple SC3 Magic Database... all expensive sunglasses resets should be attributed to Jimmah Meds.

Besides, Invictus already had the Polo Shirt reset of the day. Sorry.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:32 pm

When was the one-Polo-reset-per-day rule enacted?

I'll raise you one Brady Clark.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:35 pm

There's still no limit on "men who use tanning beds are fags" and "homosexual by e-mail" references, though

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:38 pm

Nope, VAL law

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:39 pm

Dins, I'm not saying you can't medal, however, the best you can do is the Silver.

Show me something podium worthy and I'll tell ya about the time I almost killed Denis Leary... I got stories too, ya know.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:43 pm

I'd forgotten all about "fag by e-mail."

Who the hell ended up being gay out of that deal, anyway?

Denis Leary would be a pretty good guy to kill/beat up...I'm not sure if that bests Lenny Kravitz, but Leary's a good victim.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:44 pm

Dinsdale wrote:There's nothing that shows human ineptness in all of its full glory like a boat ramp.

If a person is really drunk and hard up for entertainment around these parts, they can go down some beers underneath the Sellwood Bridge here in Portland. I'm not sure when it was that the morons decided that old ferry launch was now a boat ramp, but they did. It's a few slabs of concrete on the riverbank, and it doesn't go out very far, at all. When the river is low in summer, at some point during the day, some idiot will back their trailer down it, and before the boat floats off the trailer, they'll run out of "ramp" and hit the dropoff. Saw a guy do that with a brand-spanking new Toyota truck. Someone even tried to stop him, but he used the famous white-trash last words:

"I know what I'm doing!"

Well, if "what you're doing" was intended to be having your boat and trailer drop off the "ramp" into the river channel, and having it drag your brand new truck right down the ramp behind it, making new truck go "bye'-bye," then yeah bud...you knew what you were doing.

Back in my college days, I spent a summer working at a state boat launch. There wasn't a weekend that went by without some drunk wrecking/nearly wrecking his boat. Even had a few particularly intoxiated folks pay me to haul their boats out after it became painfuly obvious that they were incapable of backing a truck and trailer in a straight line.

Ucant#-463,721 · Post by **Ucant#-463,721** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:47 pm

Dinsdale wrote:I'd forgotten all about "fag by e-mail."

Who the hell ended up being gay out of that deal, anyway?

Van and Gay_Fucks? Which means, just Van, because Gay was my, errr, a troll.....

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:52 pm

That's right.

But eventually Vannie went and one-upped you, and bettered your "fag by e-mail" with "fag by posting."

The phantorino · Post by **The phantorino** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:05 pm

Cuda wrote:Boat ramps are gold mines in more ways than that.

Sometime, take a mask, fins, scuba tank and a big honkinn bag down to any boat ramp and collect all the stuff idiot boaters lose there: binoculars wallets, fish finders, fishing gear, radios... one guy I know found a salvageable outboard motor.

most non-electronic stuff can be salvaged if it hasn't been in the water more than a couple months

I think that I've seen you peeking out of a house made of cardboard boxes, haven't I? I love that motheaten balaclava helmet, but I think you should move onto filtered cigarettes.

helmet · Post by **helmet** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:48 pm

Bwah. The boat ramp.

I've helped my girlfriend's family put their ski boat in and out of the lake a lot. One time I even half parallel parked the Suburban and trailer with a little direction from her granddad. I learned quickly that the best thing I can do is hook the boat and winch it up or down. That way my girlfriend doesn't have to stand in the muddy water, and I can load coolers and crap between the boat and the back of the truck easily.

I know my role when it comes to the boat ramp. I leave the hard parts to the people who have 50 years experience at it. I'm good to ski people all over the lake, but don't ask me to back the damn truck and trailer down the damn ramp.

Which leads us to Summer 2003. We've rented a house with some friends at the nice part of the Jersey shore for a week, and trailered our HobieCat up there from the storage place in Avalon. My girlfriend bought this boat more or less on a whim and hasn't sailed it yet. One of our buddies has a HobieCat and is going to show us how to sail the damn thing, since neither me or my girlfriend have been on one since we were kids. The first problem is that it takes four of us to get the damn mast up. This is too much boat for the two of us....we'll never sail it without four people, unless we rent out a slip (yeah right).

So the sail is fluorescent yellow and pink and green, straight out of 1985. Awesome. Now, we're not taking this bitch out on the open ocean, at least not today - we'll just sail it around the bay to get a feel for it. After we get everything rigged, my girlfriend backs it down the ramp and we get it in the water and turned around. There's a good breeze and we start sailing out, when I decide I don't want to wear my sandals. So I threw them up on the beach and yelled at the chicks on the shore to put them in the car.

Did I tell you the tiller was missing? It was. And that one of the hulls was a little leaky? Yeah. So we sail around the bay for a bit until the wind dies and then we limp back to the ramp. At which point the wind kicks up. Somehow I get talked into backing the trailer down the ramp, I guess cause everyone else wanted to stay in the water where the wind didn't freeze your balls off. So here I go, backing down the ramp. You've never seen anything more emasculating. There's old Italian dudes fishing off their docks looking at the neon POS hobiecat and the dude who can't back a trailer down a ramp. My girlfriend has to come kick me out of the driver's seat and gets the car all wet. My feet are all nasty because I didn't have my sandals, and I slip and bust my ass on the seaweed at the bottom of the ramp.

As we are taking the mast down, we managed to drop it solidly on the asphalt, but I think it only bounced a couple of times, so whatever. It's cold and windy, and we're muddy and the boat sucks. And it was the only day of decent weather we had all week, at least until Saturday when we left.

We haven't taken it out since then. That's right. $1500 for the boat, $600 a year for storage, and we've sailed it ONCE. When we leave Philly, I think I'm just going to haul it out to the beach and push it into the surf. Let the guidos and the seagulls fight over it.

We did sail our friend's HobieCat on a lake in Maine - their boat is smaller and they know what the hell they are doing. It's actually kinda enjoyable that way.

So yeah, I fucking RESPECT the boat ramp. If you don't know what you are doing, get the hell out of the way and let the people who know what they are doing teach you.

Trampis · Post by **Trampis** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:21 pm

$600 a year for storage for a boat youve used once in three years, and Dins bust my balls for $75 sunglasses?

Rack Helmet for being man enough to admit his failings at the boat launch. Good read too.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:10 am

I don't risk launching my Donzi with my $54K SUV. Water might splash up and get on my windows. Instead, I have it crane-lifted, or I'll just land my sea plane.

-Fu

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 1:47 pm

Hobie Cats can be a real blast. A few of my buddies used to sail them here. They loved taking them out in big wind (20-30 mph) and trying to break stuff. They were quite good at “walking the dog”, which means you get the catamaran almost vertical to the water while standing on the edge of the upper hull.

We occasionally did 3-man pyramids up there, I got to stand on my buddies shoulders. We also occasionally managed to dig the front end of the cat into the water and fall into the rigging. Good times.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 5:43 pm

Yeah, those HobieCats are way fresh.

Sin,
1975

Someday, we might let the culturally-challenged parts of the country in on this thing called "windsurfing."

Hobiecats...BWAHAHAHAHA

But anyway, about them boatramps --

PORTLAND - It was supposed to be a training day but it turned into a recovery mission for the Multnomah County Sheriff's Dive team.

The dive team discovered multiple submerged cars in the Willamette River near the St. John's Bridge. A total of seven cars and one bike was found.

Of the cars found, two have been removed and at least 3 are confirmed as stolen. The cars were not all in positions to be able to see their license plates and verify if they were stolen.

Heavy equipment was brought in and the dive team spent most of the day pulling the vehicles from the bottom of the river.

Ohhhkay...the police divers jump in the Toxic Waste Dump, and they're suprised to find a bunch of stolen vehicles at the end of the boat ramp...in the hood?

Alrighty, then.

You guys starting to see the shit we put up with from the cops around here(sup Luth)? Not always the "best and brightest" getting that gig.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 5:56 pm

RACK Helmet for the stories.

I've got a 1971 Hobie Cat that still goes like a bat out of hell on the icy cold Minnesota lakes. I've patched the floats, sail, and riggings and it looks like something out of Sanford and Son, but the dang thing FLIES. If the breeze is light, I lay flat on the tramp and steer with my feet, sneaking up on loons and catching some rays. Good times.

I prefer NOT to do the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride with one pontoon out of the water, as flipping it is no fun, especially when you began to die of hypothermia.

My wife and I can take it apart and haul it out of the lake at the end of the season without too much difficulty, although there are tricks to it.

I also have a windsurfer, which I tend to use more than the Hobie.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:06 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:when you began to die of hypothermia.

Hey, does everybody remember way back when, when we invented dry/wet suits, but then we decided not to tell the Midwesterners about it, because they're so....

nevermind

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:11 pm

Hey, does everybody remember way back when, when we invented dry/wet suits, but then we decided not to tell the Midwesterners about it, because they're so....

Faggy looking?

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:14 pm

Dinsdale wrote:You guys starting to see the shit we put up with from the cops around here(sup Luth)? Not always the "best and brightest" getting that gig.

You will never understand... blah blah blah... highest part of the continuum.. blah blah blah.

sin

88

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:35 pm

Dinsy:

You have to understand that here in Minnesota, at least in the north, 99% of the people on the water are flannel shirt wearing fishermen who drink Hamm's and say things like, "Oh yaaah, dats a nice walleye, dere." It's understood that if you're dumb or drunk enough to fall overboard, you deserve to drown or die of hypothermia.

On its own, the mere appearance of a sailboat is enough to cast serious doubt upon the sexual preference of the person at the tiller.

If I were to sail out dressed in a full-length David Hasselhoff wetsuit with "Body Glove" written on the butt, I'd be too embarassed to survive flipping the thing.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 8:40 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Yeah, those HobieCats are way fresh.

Sin,
1975

Just so you understand, Mr. Knowitall, the times I went sailing on Hobie Cats was in the 1970’s. You know, that period of time when you were still discovering your dick, and prior to learning how to be one. :wink:

T1B

How much lazier can this country get

How much lazier can this country get

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